Uh, you know, it just kind of
looked like him.
Is there a bathroom?
Here, I'm just gonna find it myself.
No big deal.
I'm fine.
I'm I'm great.
I
So, are you seeing anybody new?
No, I didn't even make my mom
a Valentine's card this year.
It's alarming that I asked about dating,
and you went right to your mother.
[RINGTONE PLAYS]
- [CELLPHONE BEEPS]
- Hello?
Alex, it's Professor Fennerman.
I'm sorry to bother you on Valentine's.
Uh, it's okay.
Uh
Have you heard from Haley?
- Isn't she with you?
- She was
and then she suddenly ran off.
I think I think I may have bored her
to the point of fleeing.
You could never bore anyone.
You know who's boring?
Professor Schaeffer.
Agreed.
He's insufferable.
He never stops droning on.
He's like the cosmic
microwave background radiation.
[LAUGHS]
Because he's the constant noise
you can't get rid of!
Thank God somebody gets me tonight.
[SNORTS]
You know, I think
it might have been a bad idea,
bringing her to the observatory.
I probably should have set
my sights on someone
with whom I have more in common.
Do you know what I mean?
I think I do?
Anyway, I think I'll wait here
a little longer,
take in the stars,
just in case she shows up.
Maybe she will.
Thanks, Alex.
[CELLPHONE BEEPS]
Oh, my God.
- What?
- Haley blew him off.
I think he wants me to come
to the observatory to be with him.
You have feelings for this guy?
Who wouldn't?!
I mean, do you know how hard it is
to find a good-looking genius?
There's him, and when I put in
a little effort, me!
Then go.
I will.
Yeah, you will, a-and I'm gonna make
a Valentine for my mom.
They're not the same!
Okay, open open mine first.
- Oh.
- It's It's a kimono.
- I took an online origami class.
- Okay.
- It's a haiku.
- Oh!
"Friend, lover, husband.
My life started when we met.
You're my everything.
"
- Aww.
- You are.
Ooh, let's see what you wrote in yours.
Aww.
It's a tandem bicycle.
- Yeah.
- It's so cute.
"Happy V-Day.
Love, M.
"
And I thought my date was cold.
What? No.
Cam knows what I mean.
Cam knows you are mean?
You were more effusive
about tonight's menu
than you were in my card.
"The molten chocolate cake looks
slutty and delicious.
"
Would it kill you to say that about me?
What the hell? Amanda was here.
This picture you posted
on Facebook
She's right behind you.
Why would she just leave?
Tonight was supposed to be
a romantic night.
I don't want to watch Luke
make his sweaty moves
on his conquest of the week.
Yeah, and some of them buy it.
Under what gas leak is
he finding these brain-dead bimbos?
I know what happened.
She walked in,
saw me for the first time,
and thought I was hideous.
I've really been struggling
with my hair lately.
No, no, stop it.
You have great hair.
If it worked for Sheena Easton,
it can work for you.
We spent all this time texting.
I thought we had a real connection,
like, really got each other.
We couldn't let him blame himself.
But, uhhe took it pretty well.
You catty bitches!
Luke, we love you,
but ever since you hit puberty,
- you've been a little disgusting.
- A little disgusting.
Don't you think I know that?!
She was my chance to turn it around.
Okay, you know what? Call her.
We'll get on the phone,
we'll clear the whole thing up.
I called her.
She's not picking up.
We're going to her apartment.
We messed this up, we'll fix it.
Before the cake arrives? [SCOFFS]
I've been wanting to bury
my face in that all night long.
How can you not hear this?
Okay, Joey, it's getting late.
It's time to get you up to bed.
Can you do a quick monster check first?
Yes, I can.
[FOOTSTEPS DEPART]
Phil, I can't sleep
without my teddy bear,
and I left him in my wagon.
Can you get him? I'm afraid of the dark.
You got it, buddy.
[PANTING]
Joe? What are you doing?
Open the door.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Fulgencio Joseph Pritchett!
Open the door!
[FUNKY ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS]
You let me in right now, young man.
Not cool, Joe!
Joe, what is going on with this music?
- My God.
- [MUSIC STOPS]
Oh.
Where's Phil?
Who knows with that guy?
[GRUNTS]
Honey, what happened?
Mini Casanova locked me out.
What? That is enough.
Joe, you are a little boy,
and you're going to bed right now.
You're a bad Valentine!
Oh, no.
I feel like the rest
of the Breakfast Club
when they realized Judd Nelson was
- more vulnerable than they thought.
- I
[SPANISH ACCENT] My hotel
in Ibiza was my favorite.
I used to hang out with Telly Savalas,
Lyle Waggoner,
but the scenery here
makes me like this one
mucho more.
You don't have to impress me
with money or name-dropping, I think.
I like you.
Don't tell this to my madam,
but I cannot accept any money from you.
MAN: Excuse me, ma'am.
Can I talk with you for a moment?
Yes?
I'm gonna have to ask you to leave now.
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