16. Wine Weekend (第9季)【完整台词】

1 Obviously, this is the living room.

There's a fully stocked bar in the den, and the home theater is downstairs.

Wow.

So, your boss launches one style website and she can afford all of this? I wish "1950s closeted father" was a look people were clamoring for.

Oh, it is not that simple.

The formula for NERP is very specific former actress plus confidence based on nothing equals millions in sales of iffy wellness products.

We should get her a gift for letting us stay here, but what do you give someone who's researching charcoal toothbrushes in Sri Lanka? Oh, actually, she's judging a placenta-cooking contest in Minsk.

Maybe we should stay away from the fridge.

So, we're in wine country.

When does the wine tasting start, because I can use it after the public bashing I've had to endure.

Here we go.

No more boo-hooing, Manny.

The review wasn't that bad.

He called my portrayal of Inspector Poirot "unconvincing," "not believable," "hard to buy," and "ironically redundant".

Hey, Mitch, Cam, now that you guys have had a chance to sleep on my performance, what did you think? - It was a tricky part.

- Yeah, and I don't blame you.

I blame whoever cast you.

[Quietly] Yeah.

Okay, a couple more things.

Finally, the closet part of the tour.

My boss left each of you a very special robe.

They minimize inflammation and gently exfoliate your skin whilst you wear them.

That's weird.

I only see six robes.

That's what's weird about them? Haley: Oh, one last thing Do not touch the tiara on display in the drawing room.

It is very delicate.

Got it? Sorry, honey.

You're just You're doing that thing where you look like a really intense baby deer.

Oh, the scarier you try to be, - the more adorable you are.

- I know! Whatever.

I have, like, a million errands to run for my boss.

Hang on.

Since, uh, no one's called dibs on the master bedroom, I assume it's up for grabs.

Oh, actually, there are only three guest bedrooms upstairs, so you'll have to sleep in there, okay? The maid's quarters? But I'll be right next to the creaky do - [Door creaks loudly] - You know, if you want, - I can put some oil on that.

- Oh, no, no, no.

Don't.

These are traditional Tibetan creaking hinges.

[Door creaks, closes] We need those.

- Whoa.

Go easy.

- Trust me, Dad.

Right now, I could really use this.

Claire: I love Phil.

Let's just get that out of the way first, but he has these bear slippers.

I don't know where they came from, probably the same place that sells pinky rings and other things that make it difficult to see your husband as a sexual being.

Oh, my gosh.

I don't think I'm allowed here in my bare feet.

[Laughs] Fortunately, I have a tactic for getting rid of things that I hate.

I suggest that Phil brings them on vacation, and then I forget to repack them.

Thanks.

Dollar-sign necktie I flung it over Niagara Falls.

The belt buckle with "Pimp" in crystals? Chucked it in the Grand Canyon.

Huh.

I wonder if that's what Gloria did to my denim vest in the Galápagos.

I just gotta sneak out tonight and disappear those bear slippers in the woods.

Am I a terrible person? No, but there might be a pattern of desecrating national parks you might want to look at.

[Dog barks, chews] That's enough, Chubs.

[Chuckles] What are you doing? Stella's been severely depressed because her best friend, Norman, the next-door neighbor's dog, just died.

She won't even do her favorite trick anymore.

Stella.

Stella, speak.

Speak.

Like you're saying "Hello".

[Howling] Hellooo! Hel-Hellooo! Hello? I wanted to bring Stella on the trip to cheer her up.

She never sees seasons, but Gloria wanted one night with just the two of us in bed, so I did the only sensible thing.

You left her at home with a dog sitter? Checked her in the hotel down the road.

I'm trying to get some wine in Gloria so she passes out early and I can sneak off and feed Stella.

The hotel down the road? You mean the Ritz? I had points.

Calm down.

Oh, how cool.

This is both an opener and a stopper.

Nice.

Oh, I guess what it does for bottles, it also does for conversations.

Wait, is that Ronaldo! [Guatemalan accent] Mitchell! What a surprise.

And who is this? I always assumed I was your sexiest Latin friend.

[Laughing] This is Gloria.

Gloria, Ronaldo.

- Bolivian? - Guatemalan.

- Venezuelan? - Colombian.

- Mm-hmm.

- Not sure what this is.

Um, so w-what are you doing in town? Oh, just picking up some wine for a party I'm catering at Oprah Winfrey's.

- What? - Stop it! - Oh, what, is that a big deal? - Don't you be coy.

You know the power dynamic just shifted between us.

If you want, I can get you two into the party.

- Get out! - You would do that for us? Only because I like you so much.

- I like you so much, too! - [Chuckles] That was a quick thaw.

It can only be the two of you, though.

No Cameron.

Pepper would kill me.

Right.

Cam's in a feud with Ronaldo's husband over what type of cracker belongs on a cheese platter.

Water cracker.

The cheese is the star.

- This isn't our fight.

- No.

I have to run.

I'll text you the address.

Okay.

Bye-bye.