6. Ten Years Later (第9季)【完整台词】

1 Behold the Quantum Flux.

A magic portal to the past, what some might call a "time machine.

" This is where you guys go "Oooh.

" - No, thank you.

- Just get on with it.

"Ooh," indeed.

I'm throwing Dad and Gloria's 10th anniversary party, and Phil is part of the entertainment.

I'm gonna make Gloria seemingly dematerialize, then wondrously travel back through time, and then rematerialize in her wedding dress.

She's gonna change her clothes in a box.

This is why I'm nervous about you introducing me.

I'm kidding! You're gonna be great.

He better be great.

I want Dad and Gloria's party to be perfect.

I was kind of a pill at their wedding.

I hadn't fully accepted Gloria yet.

And I feel a little responsible for what happened with my mom.

I fed her, like, three drinks at the reception.

You know, just to take the edge off.

[AS GLORIA] I'm Gloria! Kiss me! Oh, hey, kiss me! [GUESTS GASPING, MURMURING] - MITCHELL: No, no! Oh, geez! Mom! Mom! - [SCREAMING] She almost took the doorframe off.

Into the wormhole she goes.

Clocks turn backwards, calendar pages re-attach themselves, and behold! The beautiful bride! Guys! This isn't exciting to you? Use your imaginations.

Picture me standing next to Gloria in a wedding dress.

- [CELLPHONE RINGS] - We're done.

- [CELLPHONE BEEPS] - Mitchell, did you get the cake? Yeah, yeah.

I got everything.

Okay, good.

I'll have to meet you at Dad's.

I need to go with Phil to pick up his magic box.

Oh, and, hey, you told Phil not to mention the trick to Cam, right? If Cam finds out, he's just gonna want us to do some kind of performance, too.

Pretty sure I told him not to say anything.

[DRUM FLOURISH] Yeah, pretty sure you didn't.

MITCHELL: So, uh, what's all this? This is redemption.

Maybe just a straight answer.

The year was 2007.

The wedding reception of Jay and Gloria.

Our gift to the newlyweds was a duet performance - of "Islands in the Stream.

" - "Islands in the Stream.

" - A gift that would never be, because - I remember.

I fed my mom a few drinks at the reception.

I really did not want to sing, so I figured if I got her a little tipsy, I wouldn't have to perform because I'd have to hold her hand No, no, no! Oh, geez! - Mom, Mom! - [SCREAMING] and later hold her hair back.

Well, your family has wondered for 10 years "What if?" Today, they find out what for.

Mm, I don't know, Cam.

I'm a little rusty, and acoustics are never good inside a tent.

And, oh! This party isn't about us.

There's a whole slate of performers.

Gloria's changing in a box.

Which makes our medley all the more welcome.

It's a medley now? No! No.

In no way, shape, or form am I performing today in front of my judgmental family.

- Fine.

We'll just go to the party.

- Thank you.

- No medley.

- Exactly.

- Wait.

This isn't a trick - Just three un-related songs.

You just agreed.

Rehearsal starts right now.

- Jump in when you're ready.

- [MID-TEMPO RHYTHM PLAYS] Why are you cooking? Are you allowed back there? It's our anniversary.

Can't I do something nice for your mother? Maybe.

Morning, beautiful.

We have huevos, we have chorizo, we have tortilla.

What we ain't got is Manny.

Unfortunately, he's gonna be a no-show at the party today.

Aha.

What can I get you? Take that garbage away from me.

I'm going for a walk.

Manny was a big part of our wedding.

He walked Gloria down the aisle, did the calligraphy.

And I knew him not showing up to our anniversary party would put Gloria in a bad mood.

In some ways, I feel responsible.

[DOOR OPENS] [DOOR CLOSES] You're home again? You're in college.

You can't come back every weekend! - So no hug? - I love you, but you're not making the most of your college experience by being here all the time.

My father dropped me off my freshman year, and I didn't see him again till the spring.

- You want to know why? - I don't know.

Something about dames and fistfights? Exactly.

Too busy making friends, chasing skirts, and things of that nature.

But your mother and I think it's bad for you to be here all the time.

So hit the road, and we'll see you at Thanksgiving.

Wait.

I'm banned from my house? Don't think of it that way.

You're banned from my house.

Technically, Gloria was not in on this decision, in the sense that she was not in on this decision.

- [DOG BARKING] - Ruff, ruff, ruff! [DOG WHIMPERS] I was a little grumpy.

I had agreed to do this magic trick at the party with Phil.

I go into a box, and then I come out in my wedding dress.

But there was a problem.

Pull! - She won't budge! - [GRUNTS] The only logical explanation is that somebody snuck into my closet and shrunk my wedding dress.

Like, probably my sister.

So for the past week, I've had to, like, get even skinnier than I was at my wedding.

Oh, shut up.

[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES] Be cool.

Phil, it's a magic shop.

I'm the coolest person that's ever been in here.

[BELL DINGS] Oh! [LAUGHS] How does he do it? - I'm kidding.

I know how he does it.

- [CHUCKLES] Claire, meet the legendary Mister Ekshun.

- Hello.

- And what's this behind your ear? - Oh, just some sweater fluff.