Phil, this better be an emergency.
Oh, you finally picked up.
No, no, it's not an emergency.
I just
I'm running a race, and you
just screwed up my playlist!
[CELLPHONE BEEPS]
From that point on,
I was no longer
on the actual race course.
[PANTING] Thank you!
Thanks.
I guess I hit a point where
I funneled back onto the course.
I did notice that
I seemed to have more energy
than the few people in front of me,
but I didn't
I didn't think much of it.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I did it! I won! I won!
Did you see that, honey? I won!
Uh, no, you didn't.
I was standing at the 5K mark
and never saw you.
- What?
- [GLORIA]: Claire!
I was at the store, and I saw you win!
- Oh, honey!
- Oh!
- Oh.
- I know her! She's my stepdaughter!
There's not gonna be any footage
of you running past Pritchett's Closets
because you cut two miles
out of a six-mile race.
Better tell Grandpa you didn't win.
Oh, you are my moral compass.
Which is why I don't want to talk to you
for the rest of the day.
Luke! I need a favor,
no questions asked.
What do you need? Phone cards?
No.
I need you to Photoshop
a picture of me from today
running in front of Pritchett's Closets.
No problem.
- New problem.
- I
I want to grab a picture
of you and Claire.
I want to post it on my Inseam account.
Oh, what's Inseam?
- I use it for home tailoring.
- Oh.
- Claire.
- Yeah?
Could you get in here, please?
- My two superstars.
- Okay! [LAUGHS]
I can't believe you
won with that bad knee.
- [LAUGHS]
- [CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]
Well, at least if somebody
tries to steal that thing,
they got to get through this guy.
I just did what any hero would do.
- It's [CHUCKLES]
- Are you wearing makeup?
Uh, well, yeah.
I got a bruise.
I thought I thought
you screamed and he ran away?
Uh, well, there was a
There was a scuffle.
You went with your instinct.
Fight or flight.
You fought.
I'm gonna post this on Inseam.
Double-click.
- Damn it!
- You fought.
- Mm-hmm.
- You fought?
Uh-huh.
How close did you
get to this "intruder"?
Okay, Claire.
That is just about enough.
Mitchell suffered a trauma,
and I don't appreciate
your mocking tone.
- Excuse us.
- Okay?
- [SIGHS]
- Thank you, sweetie.
Okay, look, we both know
two things for certain
I look fabulous in coral,
and you didn't fight off any intruder.
There There is a backstory.
In the summer of 1984,
inspired by "The Karate Kid,"
I went through a martial arts phase.
When Cam brought those nunchucks home,
it was just too much to resist.
Hello, old friend.
[SIGHS] 30 years later,
once again,
it was time to sweep the leg.
[EXHALING DEEPLY]
[BREATHING SHARPLY]
- Oh! Oh.
- [GLASS SHATTERING]
Oh, God.
Oh, no!
[SIGHS]
Why didn't you just tell me?
I don't know.
You You walked in, and you
asked if there was a break-in,
and I-I was embarrassed
and possibly concussed,
so I just I went with it.
Besides, my dad and Claire
cannot know, okay?
That whole "Karate Kid" summer,
they called me "Kung Sue.
"
Oh.
Turkey is gonna be ready in 10 minutes!
- Where is Phil?
- I'll let him know.
Okay.
[THUD]
- 10 minutes.
- [PHIL]: I can't take it!
Just breathe, Dad.
We are breaking this fear of yours.
- I'm dying here!
- Hey, hey, hey! Look at me.
Do you want to spend
the rest of your life
as an open-space magician?
Yeah.
Jay, I saw on Inseam that
there was a Thanksgiving pageant
at Joe's school.
Why didn't you tell me?
I totally forgot.
Joe hasn't been in school for a week.
I had a falling-out with his teacher.
And got sent to the principal's office.
You said some pretty harsh
things to Mrs.
Barrish.
In my defense, um,
this banquet she's planning
is not historically accurate.
For example, I don't remember
a tandoori chicken option
at the first Thanksgiving.
We have children here
from many ethnicities,
and we try to make them all
feel included.
Be that as it may, history
does not record Pocahontas
asking John Smith
to pass the sashimi roll
while Myles Standish helps himself
to gluten-free huevos rancheros!
After that, it got heated,
and we got expelled.
"We"?
But they'll call.
They need my check.
Why didn't the school tell me anything?
It's like I am off their e-mail list.
Huh.
I didn't even see the costumes.
Well, he didn't have a costume.
No, he was the narrator.
Kid told the whole story.
Ay, papi.
You must have been so cute.
Why don't you perform it
for everybody at dinner?
I'll go get my phone, and we'll film it.
- Okay?
- [LAUGHING] Yes.
I gotta get you up to speed
in a hurry, buddy.
The story of Thanksgiving.
Here goes.
It's no use! I can't do it!
Aaahh!
[GLORIA]: 99,999
100,000!
[LAUGHS] Son of a bitch, she did it!
See that, people?
Another person doing
their best, thanks to me.
- [INDISTINCT MURMURING]
- It's time to eat.
Hey, Google,
how much time left on the turkey?
GOOGLE ASSISTANT: Two minutes remaining.
See? I can control that crazy doughnut,
I can do the steps.
I have two achievements,
and the rest have only one.
So, Grandpa really motivated you
by telling you you couldn't
do something, huh?
I need to see that My StepCounter
for a paper I'm writing.
Everybody achieved something today,
so now it's Joe's turn.
Joe tell us about
the first Thanksgiving.
- [LAUGHING] Oh!
- Come up here, buddy.
You got this.
There was once a land
of godless natives.
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所属电视剧:Modern Family
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