9. Tough Love (第9季)【完整台词】

CLAIRE: Ready for your big camping trip? You sure you got everything you need? Everything but the one thing I'd truly be lost without Your Camry.

My GPS is broken.

Can we trade cars? I recently left my real-estate partners to strike out on my own.

But before facing the wilds of the housing market, I'm gonna boost my confidence with six rugged nights of camping at Yosemite National Park and one at the Kawayu Lodge.

I'm I'm concerned, of course, about readjusting to civilization, so I've reserved the garden suite in case I'm more comfortable sleeping outside.

[ SNORTS] Uh only because I am picturing myself in a line of people sweeping the woods with flashlights, are you sure a week in the woods is a good idea? Sweetheart, if anything, I'm over prepared.

I have two weeks worth of food, water purifiers a flare gun.

Oh, don't wave that thing around in the house.

Give me a little bit of credit.

I'm not gonna shoot off a flare gun in the house.

[ AIR MATTRESS INFLATES] Hey, Lily, the library is saying that "Stripey the Zebracorn" is two months overdue? What what's that about? We have a new librarian, and she's a little She's been drunk e-mailing a lot.

Oh, that poor thing.

Lily, go find that book.

And the fine's coming out of your allowance.

You'll really believe anything, won't you? - I will not.

- Really? Okay Um, hey, remember when you had your grandmother ship us a certain Appalachian hex poppet because you thought our house had evil spirits? Okay, yeah.

Do you have a better explanation of why there were cries and giggles echoing through our walls? Yes.

Our contractor found this in one of the vents.

Listen [TOY COOING, LAUGHING] [GASPS] Yeah, I think it's one of those dolls they give high-school girls who are high risk for getting pregnant? When would one of those girls have been in this house? I think I was babysitting Lily, and I kinda remember it turning into a party situation.

You know, I sort of recall the air conditioning blasting and I had to shove something in the vent to block it, which was pretty responsible, considering my friend Alicia brought her actual baby there.

[CHUCKLES] So many teens going down the wrong path.

I see it every day.

Uh, seems like you're trying to change the subject from you being gullible.

Only because I have a more pressing concern.

Today, I have to oversee my first detention as acting vice principal, and I'm I've just been racking my brain of how I'm gonna reach these kids.

It's, uh, detention.

How about "shut up and do your homework"? [CRYING, MUMBLING] What's what's wrong with her? Should I get the hex poppet? I'm just cry-talking.

- I threw my neck out changing Cal.

- Oh, no.

Now whenever I move, all of me comes with it.

Oh, gosh.

Oh, you know what? Why don't you let us take baby Cal, and you go get yourself a rubdown.

[SIGHS] You're an angel.

Shouldn't be but a few hours.

[WHISPERING] Hey, are you an even bigger rube than I thought? - There's nothing wrong with her neck.

- [DOOR OPENS] - [NORMAL VOICE] Oh my God, the baby! - What?! - [NECK CRACKS] - No! [WHIMPERING] He he winked at me.

JAY: You're gonna love it, Joe.

My dad took me to an air show like this for my 12th birthday.

We saw Blue Angels, fighter jets, a B-52 bomber.

- Something got bombed? - Well, my dad.

He got in a drinking contest with some fly boys.

But that just made it extra fun, 'cause I got to drive us home.

GLORIA: Joe, why is the fort still in the middle of the living room? - I need it.

- For what? Apaches? - Are you being attacked? - Feels like it.

Take it down.

I've told you three times already.

If you don't do it now, we're not going to the air show.

Wait, no fair! Why am I being punished? MANNY: Oh, I didn't expect you guys to be home.

Uh, we're just gonna use the pool.

- Jay, Gloria - Gloria? This is Dr.

Karen Fisk.

She's a movement teacher at my school.

Your son is very talented.

Well, it's always very nice to meet one of Manny's teachers.

Why don't I get us something to drink and maybe some delicious brownies that I was about to throw away because they're only for the good children! Keep your brownies! It's cute, that grown-up routine Manny's putting on to impress his girlfriend.

She's not his girlfriend.

She's his teacher.

Gloria, he brought her home when he thought no one would be around.

Manny has been bringing his teachers home since he was a little kid.

His 9th birthday party turned into a PTA meeting.

Gloria, I think you're just not seeing what you don't want to see.

Believe me, Jay, I see everything.

JOE: [GROANS] CLAIRE: The dentist says your new mouth guard should be there tomorrow.

Alex, I am sure you can make it through one night I-I don't know, hit the materials lab and whip up some mouth flubber.

Oh, Claire, thank goodness.

- There was a bit of a trucking mix-up.

- Mm-hmm.

Irving was sent to Julian and can't get to Visalia.

Well, send Dustin to Visalia and have Irving hit Julian and Ramona.

Dustin can't hit Visalia and also Irvine.

- Well, can Julia hit Irvine? - Not Irvine and Tustin.

Fine Send Julia to Julian, Ramón to Ramona, Dustin to Tustin, Irving to Irvine, and I'll drive the damn truck to Visalia! - You? - Yes, of course me, Margaret! 'Cause I have to handle everything anyhow! - If not me, who? - Oh, no.

Mi Hu is going to Carlsbad.

These are your future, and they're headed out the window never to return.

You drop this, Coach? [CLEARS THROAT] Yes.

[WHISPERING] [SNICKERING] Oh, it must be Halloween, because somebody's passing out snickers! - Shane? - Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt.

Oh, it's okay, Shane.

I know your type.

Tough guy.

Know it all.

It's like looking in a mirror.

That's right, Shane.

I was you.

Till a local sheriff put me in jail.

In a little program called Scared Straight, which, now that I'm saying it out loud, could have had a double meaning.

24 hours in the joint with some of the most dangerous characters this side of Hell.

Maybe, uh Maybe you'd like to meet some of them.

[SHOUTS] [GRUFF VOICE] I don't know what you're lookin' at, 'cause I don't ever remember sellin' you a lookin' license! [HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] Hey, it must be 5:00 a.

m.

outside the McDonald's, because the fresh meat just got delivered! And the Weasel likes fresh meat! [GRUFF VOICE] Hey, you back off him! That new boy's mine! OhUncle Cam - "Like.

" - [LAPTOP BEEPS] [IRISH ACCENT] My friend, Billy.

Billy Club.

- Ay, Cam - Whack! - "Like.

" - [CELLPHONE BEEPS] MARGARET: Do you even know how to drive a truck? No, Margaret, I don't but unlike the rest of the world, sometimes I just figure things out on my own.

[ENGINE STARTS] Backing up Shut up, Margaret.

Survival vlog, entry one.

After a five-mile hike and ride down some rapids, I've decided to make my camp here.

The rapids were treacherous.

I took on water and quickly realized my only chance for survival was to push my companion overboard my constant companion fear.

Please stay out of my blind spot.