11. Ricksy Business (第1季)【完整台词】

Look! Iceberg, right ahead! The buffet is now closed.

Iceberg, right ahead! The buffet is now closed.

Uh, sir? There's not a problem.

What do you mean there's not a problem? The guidance system isn't putting us on a direct collision course.

This ship is about to completely miss the giant iceberg! Well, do something! Steer into it! I'm trying! It's too late.

Ladies and gentlemen Don't brace yourselves.

No! No! What happened?! Their rail system must have failed.

Oh, my God! We're not gonna sink! Totally gonna get laid tonight.

I like your feathers.

They are designed to attract the attention of the female.

It's working.

Tammy, I should let you know I just got out of a highly intense soul bond with my previous spirit mate.

I'm not looking to get into a soul bond.

I'm just looking for I believe birdperson can arrange that.

Hey, Summer, haven't seen you at flute practice in a while.

Summer, don't tell me you're friends with her.

Are you kidding me? I don't even know what she's doing here.

Whoa.

Not cool, summer.

This is a party.

Everybody should be welcome.

Oh, great.

Who invited Abradolph Lincoler? I thought everyone was welcome.

It's not the same, Summer.

Lincoler is a crazed maniac -- just a misguided effort of mine to create a morally neutral superleader by combining the DNA of Adolf Hitler and Abraham Lincoln.

Turns out it just adds up to a lame, weird loser.

Rick, you brought me into this world, a suffering abomination tortured by the duality of its being.

But I shall finally know peace when I watch the life drain from your wretched body! Whoa.

What's up, man? I have no quarrel with you, boy.

"Boy"? What's that supposed to mean? It's just -- l-look, I-I don't know how you thought I meant it, but Don't look at me, dude.

Look, I'm half-Abraham Lincoln, so -- So I should get on my knees and kiss your ass?! Well, no, but - You know? - What do I know? That the third reich will reign for a thousand years? Leave him alone, Brad.

Stay out of this, Jessica! Kick his ass, Brad! Kick his ass! Kick his ass! Kick his ass! Brad! Rick! I just did you a favor, Morty.

Sorry about all that.

Rick has some really strange friends.

Ugh! Brad is such a jerk.

He's always trying to prove what a man he is.

I just want to find somebody nice and sweet.

Jessica, can I show you something? Wow! Look at all this stuff.

Yeah.

This is me and my grandpa Rick's Sci-Fi workshop.

Check this out.

It's beautiful.

You know, Jessica, there's something I've always wanted to tell you.

What's that, Morty? I think that you're the most -- No, that -- those weird sounds coming from the closet over there.

- Oh, my God! - Aah! Hey, I'm squanching in here! Oh, my God! Oh, that is so disgusting! Ow! Oh! Oh, crap! Huh.

Big star in the sky.

Oxygen-rich atmosphere.

Giant testicle monsters.

We'll be fine! Let's party! Just shake that ass, bitch, and let me see whatcha got I swear to God, Morty, if it weren't for the fact that everyone's still having a blast in there, I would be so furious with you right now.

Oh, man.

Y-you hear that, Morty? You really lucked out with Summer o-on that one.

How are you guys not freaking out right now?! T-the whole house is sitting in another dimension! I-I mean, w-what the hell are we supposed to do?! M-m-mom and dad are gonna kill us! - I'm losing it here, Rick! - Relax, Morty, relax! It's gonna be fine.

All we have to do is go out and find us some kalaxian crystals.

Oh, shit, mother [beep]! Kalaxian crystals, Morty, just a few miles South of here.

Okay.

Let's go, then.

W-w-we got to go get those crystals right now, Rick.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Morty, Morty, I-I can't go with you.

I got to hang back and make sure everything stays cool here, you know? I mean, who knows what -- what if somebody breaks something? Yeah.

Me too.

I should stay.

You guys have any aspirin? Oh, hey, Morty, this is perfect! You can take Lincoler with you.

Hey, man, I'm not going anywhere.

- I'm injured.

- Shut up, Lincoler.

It's the least you can do for wrecking the living room.

Yeah! And, Nancy, you should go, too.

What? Why -- why me? Because, uh, you're -- you're so good at playing the flute.

Sorry for the inconvenience, folks.

We should resume sinking shortly.

In the meantime, please, stay on the ship and enjoy a complimentary plate of James Cameronion rings.

Great.

Not only is the ship not sinking, but now the fourth wall has been broken.

I am gonna go back to the room to finish my book.

You should find that Lucy woman.

But -- but -- You see, Jerry? May I show you something? Had everything gone as planned, this entire area would be underwater.

I would have liked to see it.

This trip has been a "Titanic" failure.

Get it? Ooh! - Draw me, Jerry.

- Oh, boy.

Lucy, wow.

Uh, this isn't what I had in mind.

But it's the perfect moment.

We've been dreaming about this for 16 years.

Um, not like this.

Not -- not with you.

- You are gonna draw me.

- Aah! Then you're going to [beep] me in that car over there.

It's weird, 'cause I definitely think that all men are created equal.

But, at the same time -- Okay! Um, the crystals should be really close.

There they are! Wait.

Something's not right.

Get the crystals! I'll handle the beast! Prepare to be emancipated from your own inferior genes! Summer's gonna like me again.

Lincoler, come on! Let's get out of here! Mein journey is over, Morty.

I have something important to tell you.

And the gears, they turned for a thousand years until the dark day that they stopped Rick, I got them! - I got the crystals! - All right! - You did it, Morty.

- Rick, wait! There's something you need to know.

I couldn't have done it without Lincoler.

He said that he was really sorry and that he loves you like a father.