1
News Anchor:
In local news, child murderer
Joseph Eli Lipnip
is scheduled to die tomorrow
by lethal injection,
his execution already drawing
dozens more spectators
than the death of TV news.
Carla?
Carla Johnson: The man
that once ate his own son
Wow.
He's really getting
executed after all this time.
You know the son
that he ate was --
Your best friend --
Tommy.
We know.
Stop true-crime bragging.
I was traumatized,
Summer.
Okay, your generation
wouldn't get that.
Bitch, my generation
gets traumatized
for breakfast.
It took years of therapy
to even process the reality.
I mean,
when I was a kid,
I just told myself
that Tommy had gotten lost
in the magical realm
of Froopyland.
"Froopyland?"
My make-believe world.
I know the name's stupid,
but it was so real to me.
Aren't you guys supposed
to be at your father's
for custody weekend?
We're not in a hurry.
Dad sleeps until sundown.
Can we talk a little bit more
about this Froopy--
[ Zap, bloop ]
Summer:
Not the bubble gun!
There's no air --
[ Zap, bloop ]
I gotta say, I am warming up
to the bubble gun.
You know, if you're so great
at naming things,
why don't you do it
from now on?
-What?
-Froopyland.
Was it my best work?
I don't know.
Does it deserve
to be shit on creatively?
Yeah, that's right.
I agree with your look
of horrified realization.
You can be very inconsiderate
sometimes.
[ Rattling ]
[ Grunting ]
Here it is.
You know, I collapsed
a quantum tesseract to --
Dad, I don't care
how you made it.
I want to know if Tommy's
still in there!
Relax, Beth.
[ Jingling, crackling ]
If he is,
we'll find him.
He'll be the only
sun-bleached skeleton
with non-imaginary DNA.
Tommy!
Tommy!
This is a nightmare.
I can't believe
you used to lock me up
in this glorified
chicken coop.
Chicken coop?
Those are procedurally
generated clouds, Beth.
That river is a rainbow.
Literally.
Come on, I-I-I put real
elbow grease into this place.
Well, you're supposed to put
elbow grease into your daughter!
Gross.
Do you think something ate him?
Nope.
Froopyland creatures
were designed to be harmless.
He definitely
just starved to death.
I could have been the one
who starved to death in here.
What if
I'd gotten hurt?
God, you're right.
I'm a terrible dad.
Well,
nothing to live for.
Goodbye, cruel world!
Dad!
[ Thump ]
Oh, how do you like that?
What kind of merciless creator
makes the ground bouncy?
I'm gonna have
to drown myself.
[ Thump ]
Unh!
Oh, no.
Oh, the water's breathable?
Who went and did that?
Oh, whatever.
Yeah, whatever.
A dad makes a toilet
look like R2-D2,
and it breaks the front page
of Reddit,
but I'm Charles Manson
because I gave you
your own world
instead of an iPad.
I think the words you're
looking for are -- Aah!
[ Screeches ]
Holy [bleep]
[Bleep] This thing has claws!
Yeah, I get it.
It's a childproof world.
No, no, seriously,
this hurts really bad!
This thing is sinking
razor-sharp claws in --
Aah!
[Bleep]
You've made your point,
Dad.
Dad?
[ Pop, pop ]
Ugh!
[ Both panting ]
Whose idea was this stupid
custody weekend thing?
I think it's supposed to help
prevent abandonment issues.
I want
to be abandoned.
Yeah, I'm talking about Dad.
[ Door opens ]
Bienvenue a la
Chez Divorced Dad.
Wow, Dad.
Your place looks way less
like a crackhouse.
It's actually clean,
like a cocaine house.
Dad,
what's going on?
I'm simply centered,
activated --
[ Glass clinks ]
[ Warble ]
And telekinetic?
Pretty cool,
huh?
Check it out.
Who wants a smoothie?
[ Rattle ]
[ Blender whirring ]
Oh -- Oh, no.
Uh, oh, God.
Summer -- Summer,
can you --
-Aah!
-Sorry.
[ Warble ]
You have much to learn,
my Uloo.
Morty, Summer,
this is Kiara.
She's a Krootabulan
warrior priestess
from Krootabulon.
I-I know where Krootabulans
are from, Dad.
Uh, Chaimuntolo.
Chaimuntolo,
younglings.
Hymencholo.
Your father's mind
holds love for you.
I am humbled to meet
in physicality.
Dad, are you --
In love with a badass,
sexy alien lady?
Ha, ha, I don't know, Summer.
You tell me.
I wasn't going to ask
if you were in love
since you barely
know her.
Summer.
Kiara and I met on that
interstellar dating service
Rick was
always suggesting
when your mom and I
were together.
And things just
kind of clicked.
We must move!
Our reservation
is at 7:00.
[ Whoosh ]
I hate
to see her leave,
but I love to watch
her phase shift away.
I'm sure you noticed
what she has three of,
but guess what
she has two of?
[ Screeches ]
Oof!
All right,
knock it off!
Listen, I've been
giving you a pass
because I'm charmed
that life finds a way, but --
Aah!
All right, you know what?
[ Ray gun fires ]
Ouch!
Oh!
Unh!
Ouch!
God!
[ Sizzling ]
Aah!
Agh!
[ Arm clicks ]
Oh, Dad, this place
is the safest.
Best dad ever.
Can't you just say,
"I admit it, I screwed up"?
Uh, what would be
the point of that?
[ Chuckling ]
You can't do it, can you?
You can't just
[bleep] apologize.
Okay, okay,
Beth, I'm sorry
you think you deserve
an apology.
[ Screeches ]
Hey,
don't look at me.
You let your kid roll around
on the floor of a target,
it's gonna
get stepped on.
[ Screeches ]
[ Whir, zap ]
Huh.
Well, here's the problem
right here.
We've got a bunch of
Froopyland procedural carbons
all gummed up and mixed in
with real human DNA.
Are you saying
Tommy survived here
by having sex
with Froopy creatures,
creating Froopy-human
hybrid offspring,
and then consuming
their proteins,
sustaining himself with
an endless cycle of
cannibalistic incest?
It's just
a working theory.
Of course,
if that's the case,
I expect he'd be worshiped
as a kind of god
by a medieval-level
society
of his least-delicious
children.
Halt!
You are now prisoners
of our exalted ruler,
giver and taker
of life,
helper and consumer
of mortality,
dispenser of life --
Yes,
if I could interrupt?
We're way ahead
of the reveal here.
Yeah, just take us
to King Tommy.
I thought
warrior priestesses
could only leave Krootabulon
on a hunt.
Mmm.
Thank you, sweetie.
I hope it's not
human season.
I'm on Earth hunting the Varrix.
I would never hunt a human.
Your father and I
are soul-bonded.
Soul-bonded?
Um, does your planet
have shorter days,
because you guys are moving
kind of fast, no?
[ Sniffing ]
[ Dramatic music plays ]
[ Whoosh ]
Go get him, honey!
She's always hunting.
[ Chuckles ]
She probably knew
a Varrix worked here,
and that's why she said
the Yelp reviews didn't matter.
Dad, do you understand
how serious
Krootabulon soul-bonding is?
Uh, gee, Morty, I don't know.
It's got such a casual name.
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