1
This is what happens when you
miss an episode of "Shameless.
"
Your entire life goes
completely to shit.
Anyone try to find me
when I was in the
ICU for the last month?
We were kind of hoping you were dead.
[Fiona] You good?
[Lip] I learned I'm not an alcoholic.
What about finishing college?
- Is that off the table?
- I got a professor.
Uh, he's gonna help me
find something a tech startup.
It just might be a while before
I get paid, you know?
This management
thing is a pain in my ass.
I'm losing money.
Tell you what.
Pay yourself
an extra 50¢ an hour,
make up the difference.
- An extra buck an hour.
- Done.
Nice stroller.
Where'd you get it?
[Debbie] Oh, I found it in
the park, I'm gonna sell it.
Dom won't go down on me
'cause I'm not circumcised.
It has all this extra skin,
and it kind of freaks me out.
I can't feel a thing.
[Dr.
Sachs] Don't worry.
You will soon.
I'm meeting an old high
school friend for dinner.
- [Ian] An old friend?
- [Caleb] Denise.
Please tell me she has a dick.
You have no balance sheet, no
income or cash flow forecast.
Our yield on gross revenues are shit.
Are we seriously not gonna have sex?
'Cause I kind of took a Viagra.
Oh, yeah, just walk right
by, ignore your father
that you tried to drown in the river.
I was only telling the truth!
[Rock music]
You were beaming once before
But it's not like that anymore
What is this downside
That you speak of?
What is this feeling
You're so sure of?
Round up the friends you got
Know that they're not for naught
You were willing once before
But it's not like that anymore
What is this downside
That you speak of?
What is this feeling
You're so sure of?
[train rattling and screeching]
- [pounding on door]
- [Fiona] Come on, Frank!
Open the damn door!
[pounding continues]
Come on, Frank!
[pounding continues]
Open the door.
[grunts]
Hey, Hector?
Hi, it's Fiona.
Oh, shit.
Hang on!
Hi, you still there?
Sorry.
Uh
Can you work today?
Santos called in sick again.
Yeah, I'm tired of his bullshit, too.
You can?
Oh, that's great.
Okay.
I'll see you at ten.
[sighs]
I thought you were living at Caleb's?
Caleb's sleeping with a chick.
- He's bi?
- No dude is bi, all right?
You lick dick, you're
supposed to be gay.
So you guys broke up?
Haven't decided yet.
Probably.
God, I can't believe
he's licking vag, too.
All right, can you guys please
stop talking about licking vag?
- You're gonna give me a boner.
- You sleep at all last night?
No, if I wake up with morning
wood, it'll pop my stitches.
You're 16.
How are you
gonna not get wood for 72 hours?
Eyes on the prize, my brother.
Yeah, which is?
A blowie from Dominique.
The chick who made you cut your dick?
Yeah, man, no girl's worth that.
She didn't make me.
I wanted to.
You guys just don't
understand true love.
Uh, you know, it's
pretty cold out there.
You better put on a turtleneck.
Oh, oh! Excuse you.
Oh, you got to forgive Carl,
his manners were in his foreskin.
Uh, stop it! It just
gives me the willies
thinking about someone near
my junk with a knife.
Where is my vacuum cleaner?
- Upstairs probably.
- Kev, grab our cleaning shit.
What's all that crap?
I'm helping Fiona with the
bills over at Patsy's.
Place is in a financial shitstorm.
Yeah, the Alibi, too.
Svetlana's getting things in order,
which makes me the house husband.
I keep forgetting about
the weird situation
you got going on with the two wives.
It's not weird.
It's modern.
You're gonna have to
draw me a Venn diagram
to explain how that works.
What's up with mopey?
Ah, boy trouble.
Girl trouble.
I'll draw you a Venn
diagram to explain that, too.
Where's my vacuum?
What are you doing?
Uh, vacuum, hall closet.
And I'm getting rid of Frank's shit.
That fuckhead's back in the house?
Yeah, nailed the door
shut from the inside.
- How's he getting in and out?
- I don't know.
Window? Ladder?
Get a restraining order on his ass.
That would mean that I cared.
And I don't anymore.
Aren't you angry with him about
destroying your future?
Did me a favor.
Come on, help me
bring his crap downstairs.
Good morning, my wasted sperms.
Frank, you're walking.
In a weird way, but you're walking.
[Lip] Why don't you go away, Frank?
Is that any way to greet
your soon to be ex-father?
Ex-father?
We would be so lucky.
Filling out the paperwork to disinherit
you
abortion-should-have-beens.
Disinherit? Wow.
So we don't get that jelly jar?
[Ian] Or the three pieces of silverware
you stole from the Ramada Inn?
Or the shame and the embarrassment?
Go ahead, joke all you like.
But once my parental
rights are terminated,
you can no longer use the
Gallagher family name.
Hallelujah!
I'm just gonna be like
Cher and go by Fiona.
Here's your shit.
I'm taking my room back.
And I'm padlocking the house.
Aw, you made me toast.
Thanks.
Buh-bye, got to go to work.
You can't get rid of me that easily.
Has she talked to anybody
about what happened at the wedding?
- Not to me.
- Me neither.
Tumors are repressed feelings, you know.
- Come on.
Liam, let's go.
- What?
He's the only one that
stands a fighting chance
to become a real Gallagher.
- No fucking way!
- Eh, you can't just take him, Frank.
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