1
You missed another episode of Shameless,
and now we got to take valuable time
out of our show to tell
you what the hell you missed
'cause you were too damn lazy
to get up off your fat asses
and watch the damn TV.
Why wouldn't you just tell
me that you're married?
We stayed together for the kid.
Oh.
Holy shit, you're a fucking asshole.
I'd like you to meet our son, Santiago.
He crossed the border
with his father and sister.
They were looking for asylum,
but they got separated.
[Veronica] We can't keep this kid.
Yes, we can.
He has an amazing arm.
Kid brought the heat.
[Ingrid] All I ever
wanted was to be a mother.
Frank, Would you fertilize my eggs?
I would be honored to
introduce my little Frankies
- to your little Ingrids.
- [laughs]
[Ingrid] You think our chances are good?
[Dr.
Kwan] I'm extremely optimistic.
[Ingrid] Thank you, Dr.
Kwan.
Don't thank me.
Thank Frank.
- Mm.
- [smooches]
[Debbie] I took care of
the bills, by the way.
It cost 1,700 bucks.
Damn.
The squirrel fund is back.
Everyone needs to step up.
I've been giving Fiona
money for the bills.
She just hasn't been paying them.
[Kev] Hey, Gallaghers.
[Carl] Shit.
- She do this a lot?
- Yeah, lately.
Rock Music
Think of all the luck you got
Know that it's not for naught
You were beaming once before
But it's not like that anymore
What is this downside
That you speak of?
What is this feeling
You're so sure of?
Round up the friends you got
Know that they're not for naught
You were willing once before
But it's not like that anymore
What is this downside
That you speak of?
What is this feeling
You're so sure of?
[cell phone chiming]
[sighs]
[chuffs]
bluesy rock music
[sighs]
Ah.
- We need our money back.
- What the fuck? What money?
We've been giving you
money for utilities
that have not been getting paid.
We need that money back.
[sighs] Fine.
Jesus!
The bills are under my name now.
That water you're using?
We're paying for that.
- [scoffs]
- So, until you repay us
what we've been paying you
for the last three months,
plus your share of rent
for the last three months,
plus what it cost for me
to get shit turned back on,
I don't really feel like
sharing my water with you.
Yeah, I'll tell you what
You take everything that I owe you
from the last three months
and subtract it from
everything that you owe me
for the last 18 years.
And when I've used all of the
water that I am entitled to
some time in, I don't know, 2048,
then we can talk about who's even.
[water running]
What are you wearing?
Oh, Tami's mom died of cancer,
so her family does a
five-K thing every year.
You look sort of ridiculous.
[pipes groan]
Everybody looks ridiculous
in running shorts.
[Fiona] Debbie! Turn my water on!
[Lip] Hey, did you turn
the water off on her?
- Yep.
- Deb, she carried us
for years You can give her a break.
Turn the water back on!
Once you pay us what you owe us.
I'm gonna get it to
you.
I just lost track
You owe Carl, Lip, and I $832
[both shouting at once]
- [knocking at door]
- Stop.
Guys!
- [both shouting at once]
- [Lip] The door! Debbie!
If you had the month I had,
you would have lost track, too.
[mockingly] Ooh, my
Irish boyfriend left me.
Stop it!
Go take a flying fuck
on a rolling doughnut!
- What?
- Go take a rolling fuck
- on a flying doughnut!
- Hello?
I come in peace.
Oh, fuck, no.
- [drawer rattles]
- I just want my tools back.
What tools?
My carpenter tools.
They're missing.
Well, why would I know about that?
Come on, Fiona.
What, you think I just
wandered on to your site
and picked them up out of
your truck or something?
Maybe.
Or maybe I came into your house
in the middle of the night
and I watched you sleep for an hour
and then I just took them on my way out.
[scoffs softly] Do you have them or not?
No.
[laughs] You egotistical fuck!
I haven't thought about you in weeks!
[Debbie] We thought about you, though.
Rock music
- Guess I'll be going, then.
- Yeah.
Damn straight you'll be
going, 'cause next time,
I won't stop them from
beating the shit out of you!
If my tools happen to
turn up, let me know.
That's how I make my living.
Oh, if they "happen to" Fuck you!
[car door closes, engine turning over]
[motor rumbling, tires squeal]
[sighs] Thanks.
Breakfast is on me at
Patsy's after I shower.
Nope.
No money, no shower.
Oh, Christ.
[Liam] Where are you going?
To shower at Veronica's.
[rocks clattering]
What are you doing here?
I've been waiting in the tent all night.
But you should have been
working on your hardship essay
- for West Point.
- I've had to jerk off twice.
I can't write about that to West Point.
My dad found out that I've been skipping
softball camp to hang out with you.
He'll kill you if he finds you here.
He only has one working
limb.
That doesn't scare me.
Intense music
It only takes one limb
to pull a trigger, son.
Get inside.
Ever try to stop
a moving train
Okay, pee now, 'cause you're
not gonna get another chance
for, uh, about five kilometers.
Hey, Brad, let's try to finish
ahead of Grandpa this
year, huh? [scoffs]
Your family makes me
want to drink again.
[mockingly]
Boo-hoo-hoo.
He's just busting your balls.
Change your shirt already.
We can just jog this thing, right?
Yeah.
Fucking extra large?
Do I look like an extra large,
Gigi, you vindictive bitch?
She seem a bit more on edge than usual?
This five-K brings up a lot of memories
of our mom's death.
Tough day for all of us.
So what's the deal
with you and my sister?
[Lip] "Deal"?
Like, are you fucking other people?
I don't think we have a deal.
Hey, back off, Cory.
He
doesn't want the syph.
All clean, Tami.
Penicillin.
It's a miracle drug.
Mm.
- [man] Oh!
- [Lip] Wow.
- [Tami] Jesus Christ, Cory!
- [man] Whoa.
Who doesn't wear a
fucking bra when they run?
[Cami] What is your problem?
Hey, can you get this into the register?
Well, is it counted?
Sure.
You smell like a barroom floor.
It's mouthwash.
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