I'd like to begin by saying there is only one thing on anybody's mind today The president's hosting of her first state visit.
After welcoming the Israeli Prime Minister to the White House Did he dye his mustache? To ensure that they seize this Holy shit, he dyed his mustache.
It's vanity.
He's the TV face of the administration.
But he's glued Cheetos to that face.
He looks like Yosemite Sam.
Yeah, without the credibility.
He's gonna get his tits done next.
- Sean? - Today's the president's 33rd day in office.
She's outlasted William Henry Harrison, our shortest serving president.
- How's she feel about that? - She feels great, unlike President Harrison who contracted pneumonia during his inaugural address and died.
Thanks, ladies and gentlemen.
Nice work, Mike.
You're on fire.
Nope, wait.
It's your mustache.
I call it Tangerine Dream.
Hey, are we getting cocktails later? No, I can't.
I've got to get home.
You - Can you imagine? - No.
We love to drink.
So our concern is debate time for Families First.
Our friends on the rules committee need a shove.
So you want me to rule the House rules committee.
Yeah, if anyone can do this, Dan, I'm confident you or the guy we hired to replace you can.
I am really excited about this Israeli visit.
Gonna be a good day, guys.
Middle East, middle easy.
I'm a little concerned about the dinner centerpieces, - 'cause I feel like they - Whatever.
I'm handling world peace, okay? You just go make the room pretty, i.
e.
, the opposite of that fucking monstrosity.
What is that? Picasso's heavy period? - President Hughes loved it.
- Is that why his wife tried to kill herself? I think it's called "A Man Who Shits Triangles.
" Bad enough having the Pentagon up your ass.
Where is Amy, by the way? She's campaign manager, this is a campaign meeting.
I mean, I've got to go save the world.
I know that sounds like hyperbole, but - But you do.
Yeah.
- I do, in fact.
I actually do do have to do that.
I just got a text from Amy.
"I'm a latte"? - Huh? - Guess she means she's late.
You said there wouldn't be traffic.
- This is traffic.
- Yep.
Could be anything accident up ahead, active shooter.
Well, probably not that.
You make me any more late, and I lock you in this car and have it compacted.
- How about some music? Hmm? - No.
I Bluetoothed your phone, so Memo to self it is winnable.
- Delete the private polling.
- Oh, turn that off.
I thought I had it on shuffle.
Also, hair.
Ask Marianne about electrolysis.
The campaign, the whole comm strategy.
We've got too many balls being dropped right now.
For instance, we've got yet another appalling photograph of Catherine.
No offense, honey, but, I mean, look at yourself.
It's not my fault.
The press doesn't take me seriously because I don't have a role here.
I need a core role.
Yeah, that's a very good idea.
She has good organizational skills.
- She turned around the college film society.
- I transformed it, Mom.
She she good for you.
Ma'am, I've got a virtual Amy.
Ma'am, I am so sorry.
Oh, can't she just call in? I feel like I'm on trial in the future.
Ma'am, if I could interrupt.
I really think that Uh, Amy, it's filtering out like every other word.
Usually I just do that myself.
Okay, this is why we need a steady hand like Bill Ericsson.
By the way, I'm bringing in Bill Ericsson.
Madam President, did you just say Bill Ericsson? Ma'am, I Ooh! Oh, okay, I can't look at that anymore.
It's bad enough looking at Mike's mustache.
Have you seen that thing? It's like he ate a volcano.
Ma'am, we do have that issue of national security, so I'm afraid that Catherine right now Oh, okay.
Catherine, you have to get out, honey.
- Go.
- Sorry, I apologize.
Madam President, I'd like to state that I think that Catherine is a valuable asset.
- Yeah.
- And daughter.
But her likability index is shallow.
What? We polled her popularity.
How dare you? How could you have the audacity to Oh.
Oh, these are not good.
Okay, well, she's gonna have to be told.
Gently, of course.
But who's going to do that? - I believe I have the skills, ma'am.
- There you go.
Fine.
You do it, Kent.
Okay what? Ma'am, today is a very special day.
I know.
I'm building a road map to peace.
Not just that, ma'am.
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