SELINA: Oh, Kentucky fried Christ!
It's like Satan's humidor out here.
My God!
Flying a thousand miles to Alabama.
I mean, is anyone as shocked
as I am that I'm doing this?
Well, I'm easily shocked, so
probably not the best person to ask.
- So, here we are! My boyhood home.
- What?!
Ma'am, I gotta tell you,
you coming to my birthday
is what gave me the strength to
get through that heart attack
- You're welcome.
- and when I had my relapse.
You had a relapse?
Oh, I thought you were just being lazy.
Hey, Gary, how come your
family doesn't have
a Mongoloid kid on the
porch playing banjo?
- 'Cause he grew up and moved to DC.
- (DOOR OPENS)
- Ah, Mama!
- Gary Walsh, you get on up here!
It's like he's never
seen his mother before.
Ma'am, Tanz and the other donors
are getting really restless
about this lack of
progress on the library,
so we need to get some new money ASAP
or we have to give back the old money.
- That's a real snatch-22.
- Yeah.
- (BOTH CHEERING)
- AMY: And also, we have another email
from Jaffar in New York.
"I need to see you.
"
Just email him back a hard no,
but make it sound kind of sexy
so he knows what he's missing.
Why am I asking somebody who has
sex one and a half times a year
to do that?
- SELINA: Hello!
- Mama, okay
- Oh, you must be Amy.
- This is yes.
- Hi, nice to meet you.
- And you obviously are Richard.
- 'Cause of the glasses, yeah.
- And, Madam President, it's
Yes.
It it's an honor to have
you at our humble home.
It is such a a treat to
be here in Lynch City.
It's White City.
We
couldn't afford Lynch City.
- All right.
- Where's Judge?
- Your dad's a judge?
- (LAUGHING) Oh, no! No.
Judge isn't back yet from his
hunting trip with Stewart.
Stewart? I don't remember Stewart.
- Stewart's the new Bobby.
- Oh!
He's always grooming some new associate
- in his law firm.
- Maybe we can go inside.
He takes his boys real, real seriously.
- SELINA: Hi, honey.
- Happy birthday, Gary!
Catherine and Mr.
Marjorie have been here
and they've been keeping me in stitches!
- Okay, it's a lady.
- Oh.
MIKE: We're finishing up President
Meyer's memoir this week
- No one is gonna read that.
- and darn it
if I haven't been bitten
by the writing bug.
I wanna write a syndicated humor column
like Dave Barry or Erma.
Mike, do you have any awareness
of what's been happening
with newspapers in the last 10 years?
Not at all.
I mean, truth is I
don't even get 'em anymore.
I just read the news on my phone.
It's so much better and it's free.
Yeah, that makes sense.
Let me just give you a little taste
- of the McLintock prose, okay?
- Oh, God.
"The other day, I found
my daughter, Ellen,
sitting in her closet
eating cello bow rosin.
"
- Creepy.
- "So, I sat her down and we dialogued.
"
- That's not a word.
- "And we agreed that it was okay
for her to sit in her closet
and it was okay for her to
eat cello bow rosin"
- It's not.
- "but it was not okay
for her to do both at the same time.
I think we both found that
solution very 'rosinable.
'"
(CHUCKLING)
Okay, well, Mike (CHUCKLES)
if I hear of anything,
I'll let you know.
Thank you so much, Leon.
I owe you big-time.
And you know what, I'll send
you a couple McLintock morsels
just to whet your appetite.
I do not want you to do that.
- I will.
- Don't.
- I'm gonna.
- No.
GARY: I can't believe
y'all are in my house!
I know, I can't believe it either.
I promise this party is
gonna be so elegant.
- Very "New South.
"
- Yes.
What does that mean? No butt-fucking Ned
Beatty till the after party, I guess.
No, there is gonna be a raw bar.
- And the very best Southern chef.
- Thank you.
Yes, who hasn't said the
N-word on television.
- Oh, that's good.
- Yeah.
Ma'am, I really think
that we need to discuss
my doing something other
than the library.
It's just
Do you have any social
skills whatsoever?
I mean, my God, Amy, we're
in the middle of visiting
with what's-his-ass's family here.
- Aw, so nice.
- Hey, birthday boy, I need my purse.
- I gotta get my eye drops.
- JUDGE: Well, hello to the house!
- Oh, there he is! Judge is home.
- Hey, honey.
Well, well, well, look at that!
Hey, everybody, not home an hour
and Gary's carrying a Jimmy Choo purse.
- Oh.
- Some things never change, huh?
It's for the president.
The president, Judge.
- Oh, the president!
- GARY: Yes.
Hey, I was just joshing with ya.
- I was joshing with ya.
- Ah! I know, okay.
- Don't tear up, now.
- I'm not.
You'll ruin your mascara.
- Hey! Hello.
- Hello, Mr.
Walsh.
I did not vote for you, but
I do respect the office.
Okay, well, you didn't have to say that,
- but thank you very much.
- I understand.
You know what, I saw that Tom James
being interviewed on the
television about the two of you.
- Oh, good.
You saw that?
- Yeah, I did.
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