1
With us tonight is Pastor Jeff Difford
from the First Baptist
Church of Medford.
Thank you for being here, Pastor.
- My pleasure.
- So it would appear
that your church's
Halloween Hell House has stirred up
quite a bit of controversy this year.
Oh, I wouldn't call it
controversy.
What would you call it?
A-As you know,
the purpose of a Hell House
is to demonstrate the wages of sin,
so as to lead people back to God.
That's wonderful.
But doesn't it concern you that a lot
of parents were alarmed
at the gruesome scenes you portrayed?
Once again, our intentions were pure.
Why don't we take a look
at just how pure they were.
Let's roll the clip.
Oh, boy.
I need another beer.
Oh, darling, don't you
think you've had enough?
- I'll tell you when I had enough!
- [SCREAMS]
Whoa! Hey, cowboy,
why don't you put that
down and call it a night.
Don't you tell me what to do.
[SCREAMING]
JEFF: That's enough, Peg.
Dear Lord.
As you can see, our last
attempt at a Hell House
may have been a tad traumatizing.
I thought it was a hoot.
Some of the little ones
peed their pants.
[CHUCKLES]
But that wasn't the goal.
A nine-year-old crapped
himself.
[CHUCKLES]
Why are you showing me this?
Well, Mary, this year, we'd like to go
with a more family-friendly production.
And I thought you'd be the
perfect person to head that up.
Really? Me?
Yes, you.
Absolutely.
Gosh, I don't know.
[SCOFFS]
I always felt I had a
flair for the creative arts,
but putting on a big show like that
You'll have a sizable budget
and all the help you'll need
constructing sets, building props,
special effects, makeup.
Does sound tempting.
But, most importantly,
you'll have an opportunity
to bring people to God
by vividly demonstrating
the perils of sin.
Be careful if you touch on adultery.
Last year, one of the
actors got pregnant.
Thanks, Peg.
So, what do you say?
I already know the first
change I'm gonna make.
Instead of calling it "Hell House,"
which is a little off-putting,
I'm gonna call it
"Heck House.
"
Isn't that great?
That is great.
You don't really mean that.
Yes, I do.
Oh, I get it.
Happy wife, happy life.
You need to stop talking.
So it's not gonna be scary?
It will, but without
all the blood and gore.
But I like blood and gore.
Hang on, y'all are
trying to scare people
into joining the church?
Yeah.
But people like
getting scared on Halloween anyway.
Why not make 'em jump
in the right direction?
Actually, fear has
been a recruiting tactic
used by organized religion
for centuries.
When you add guilt to
keep people in line,
it's an extremely efficient
form of crowd control.
Our religion is based on
love, Sheldon, not fear.
So what happens when people
don't follow the rules?
They burn in hell.
Because God loves 'em.
Nobody else is stronger than I am
Yesterday I moved a mountain
I bet I could be your hero
I am a mighty little man
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Sheldon.
Oh.
Hi, Georgie.
Why was Veronica Duncan hugging you?
I'm tutoring her in trigonometry.
And that gets you hugs?
Thanks to me, she
got her first C-minus.
Just between us, she's a little slow.
That's not what I heard.
What did you hear?
Is she secretly clever?
Because if she is, I
completely missed it.
It doesn't matter.
You just need to introduce me to her.
Why?
I want to be her friend.
Well, you better take a number.
She's friends with a
lot of boys around here.
Let me worry about that.
You
just need to introduce us.
All right.
You know, she pays me
two dollars for every one
of our tutoring lessons.
How much did it cost
her to get a C-minus?
$26.
That's a good deal.
LUNDY: Now, remember, next
week, we start our work
on Streetcar Named Desire.
So please prepare a monologue
for either Blanche or Stanley.
Usually, the girls do Blanche
and the boys do Stanley,
but no judgment
You follow your heart.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Thank you again
for letting me come
by to pick your brain.
Oh, please.
Anything for the church.
Are you a religious man?
I'm an actor.
I'm whatever you need me to be.
All right.
As I told you on the phone,
I have been tasked
with mounting this year's
Halloween production.
Oh, is that a haunted
house kind of deal?
Yes, but with the goal
of bringing people to God.
I do know something about that.
When I played Puck in Midsummer,
the Tulsa Herald called
my performance heavenly.
Wow! Good for you.
- Thank you, thank you.
[GIGGLING]
- [CHUCKLES]
Okay.
Um, I was hoping
to put on a little play
in each of the rooms
that portrays one of
the seven deadly sins.
Pride, envy, gluttony,
lust, sloth, wrath and greed!
Wow, you know your sins!
Well, again, I'm an actor.
They are the tools in my box.
Um, have you considered
a narrator, you know, um,
like, a tour guide kind of thing?
Oh, that's interesting.
But who would that be?
Well, I'd have to think
the big man himself.
- God?
- Satan.
Oh! That's spooky.
And he's trying to
lure people toward sin.
Exactly.
That's a pretty big role.
I wonder who could do it.
Huh.
Well, it would have to be someone
with enough range to
convey sincerity and charm,
all the while, hiding
a dark and corrupt soul!
- Good golly.
- [CHUCKLES]
If you were just a little
taller, you'd be perfect.
I have lifts.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
What are we doing here?
Waiting for Veronica.
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