1
CATHCART: For many of you, this
Bologna mission will be your last.
There's no other way
of telling you that.
Just basic statistics tell us that.
So
If any of you should find yourself
on the wrong side of the statistics,
and at the risk of stating the obvious,
I would like to point
out that your sacrifice
will not have been in vain.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
SOLDIER: Lorenzo, Leonardo!
[MEN SPEAKING ITALIAN]
SOLDIER: Good, right, good.
- MILO: Yossarian! Lovely to see you.
- Hi, Milo.
How's tricks?
Good.
Try that soup.
- Gianni.
- GIANNI: Huh?
MILO: Give Yossarian a
spoonful of that zuppa.
GIANNI: [SPEAKS ITALIAN]
MILO: Wait till you try this.
My God, Milo.
Tell me that's not the best
tomato soup you've ever had.
That's the best tomato soup I ever had.
Jesus, those Italians can cook,
even the little ones.
I got to go to Wales today.
We got something really
special coming from there.
You won't believe it.
Hey, listen.
I have to
I have to ask you something.
Anything.
What is it?
What would you say if I asked you
to put this
into that soup?
Yossarian, those are laundry flakes.
I don't want to fly Bologna, Milo.
A whole lot of us are gonna die.
Yo-Yo, you tasted this.
It's a masterpiece.
It is, and these are
completely tasteless, man.
- I promise you.
- How do you know that?
Trust me, I Just trust me.
This enterprise is built
on my good name,
and it's my job to uphold that name.
Bologna's bad.
It's gonna be really bad.
And if we're sick for a couple days,
the 10th Infantry will do
the job for us on the ground.
I'm the mess officer,
Yo-Yo.
It's a sacred office.
My sacred duty is to keep you fed
and well nourished, not
to make you grievously ill.
Your sacred duty is to keep us alive.
I'd rather be ill than dead.
- Hey, uh, fellas.
- BOTH: Hey, Yo-Yo.
Dinner tonight is very
important.
Don't eat the soup.
- Huh?
- What are you talking about?
Just don't eat the soup, okay?
- KID: Okay.
- NATELY: No soup.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
[MUSIC STOPS, CHATTER CONTINUES]
Here's to Clevinger, guys.
ALL: To Clevinger.
- Clevinger.
- NATELY: Poor kid.
Maybe he just kept flying,
flew off to Switzerland.
No, Clevinger wouldn't do
that, not without telling us.
Well, maybe we'll get a postcard.
[LAUGHS]
ORR: You want to come to
Switzerland with me, Yo-Yo?
- Visit Clevinger?
- I don't want to joke about Clevinger.
ORR: Okay.
But want to come to Switzerland with me?
Believe me, I thought about this.
AWOL isn't the answer,
not unless you want to spend
the rest of your life as a fugitive.
But it's all academic anyway
'cause you never have enough
gas to get anywhere useful.
Well, but let's say
you did have enough gas.
Where would you go?
Well, it wouldn't be Switzerland.
The Swiss are legally
obliged to lock you up.
They're practically Germans.
If you had enough gas, which you don't,
your best bet would be to
fly straight over Switzerland,
head to Sweden.
AARFY: That's what
your research told you?
Sweden's better than Switzerland.
KID: Oh, why's that?
YOSSARIAN: Well, in Sweden,
you can swim nude with beautiful girls
with voices like honey.
And, uh, you can sire whole happy tribes
of illegitimate Yossarians
with any number of Swedish women
who you don't have to marry,
and you can all live in the same house,
and we all get along,
and the state supplies free
child birth, free education,
and launches all the little
Yossarians into a life without stigma.
Everybody's happy and
all my wives love me.
Do they really swim nude?
YOSSARIAN: Totally nude, Kid Sampson.
Totally nude.
Sweet dreams tonight.
Oh, boy.
- MAJOR MAJOR: Yossarian?
- Hi.
- MAJOR MAJOR: Hi.
- YOSSARIAN: What do we know?
MAJOR MAJOR: About what?
About the big book you were gonna read?
MAJOR MAJOR: What big book?
The big book on how I get to go home.
- Oh, that one.
- Yeah, that one.
Not much, and and I
can't talk right now.
Why not?
What are you doing?
What are you doing with your head?
I can't talk in front of Cathcart.
YOSSARIAN: He's not listening.
I'm making progress,
but I can't talk right now.
YOSSARIAN: What progress?
[SIGHS, WHISPERING] I
can't talk about it now.
Christ.
What progress?
[JAZZ MUSIC]
[MEN GROANING]
SOLDIER: Holy Christ!
[FLATULENCE]
[CHUCKLING]
How you boys bearing up?
YOSSARIAN: Oh, not so great, Doc.
Hey, uh, there's no way in hell
that Bologna's happening
tomorrow, right?
Oh, Bologna's off.
"Don't eat the soup"! [LAUGHING]
MCWATT: You know they'll
just be sending us
straight back up there tomorrow.
You'll thank me one day, McWatt.
How long you think the squirts last?
Huh? Couple days at most?
We'll be right back up there
day after tomorrow, latest.
No, we won't.
10th Infantry is headed
to Bologna right now.
They'll clean out those
artillery guns for us.
Oh, man, you really
don't know how this works.
I saw the charts.
10th
is less than two days out.
You really don't know how this works.
YOSSARIAN: I don't know how what works?
MCWATT: Everything, Yossarian.
- That's the point.
- What point?
- What's your point?
- Exactly.
It's all a numbers game,
and when your number's
up, your number's up.
Screw your numbers, McWatt.
MILO: Hey, Yossarian! Hey!
Jump in.
What the hell is this?
I picked it up in Wales.
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