6. Episode 6 (第1季)【完整台词】

- I'm not putting $100.

- You don't have $100.

- I won't need it.

- Yes, you will.

- No.

[LAUGHS] You're silly.

- YOSSARIAN: No, I'm not.

- MARION: Mm-hmm.

[BOTH MOAN] [BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY] MARION: [MOANS] YOSSARIAN: [MOANS] I like the way your neck smells.

MARION: Mm.

YOSSARIAN: I like the way your hair smells.

[SIGHS] I like the way your shoulders smell.

MARION: [LAUGHS SOFTLY] - [KISSES] - YOSSARIAN: [LAUGHS] [BOTH LAUGH] - Better start saving your pennies.

- MARION: [LAUGHING] [CHUCKLES] LORENZO: Buongiorno, Mister Yo-Yo.

- We have a gift for you! - Hey, fellas.

What's the rumpus? LORENZO: Is from, uh, Mister Milo.

Oh, is he back? I need to talk to him.

Eh, no, no.

Mister Milo in Togo.

When is he back? - Eh, sabato.

- Saturday.

Well, can you get him on the radio? I need to talk to him.

He offered me a job.

I said no, but now I think I need to say yes.

Eh, no, no, he on a ship.

He send you this.

This for your testicolo.

Is very big room.

For testicolo, no? - LEONARDO: Yes, because no want, eh - [HISSES THROUGH TEETH] - is very bad.

- For your balls.

[JAUNTY JAZZ MUSIC] SOLDIER: [WOLF WHISTLES] Over here, tootsie! [SMOOCHES] SOLDIER: [WOLF WHISTLES] Nice pants! [SOLDIER LAUGHS] I'm told this is Cathcart's office now.

Yes, sir.

- Where's Major Major gone? - TOWSER: He's in there, too, sir.

- They're in there together? - TOWSER: Yes, sir.

- Can I go in? - That depends.

- YOSSARIAN: Depends on what? - Depends on who you're here to see.

- Cathcart? - Fine.

CATHCART: I told you, the deal's off, Yossarian.

YOSSARIAN: I know the deal's off.

Hiya, Major.

- Hi, Yossarian.

- How you been? Pretty swell.

- Well, then what is it that you want? - I want to go home.

You owe me.

I just told you the deal is off.

Scheisskopf saw to that.

You were there.

But I didn't make the deal with Scheisskopf, - I made it with you! - And he unmade it.

My hands are tied.

I've had my balls blown off.

I want you to send me home.

I can't.

What do you mean you can't? - Yes, you can! - CATHCART: I mean that I can't.

I'd like to, believe me.

I'd like to see you gone from here as much as you would.

- Then do it! - CATHCART: I can't, son.

You mean to tell me that you don't have the authority - to send people home? - Oh, I have the authority to send people home, I just can't send you home.

I am under strict instructions not to send you home without his prior approval.

- He actually said that? - CATHCART: He did.

But I've had my balls blown off! What more does it take? This is a medical emergency.

Well, if it's a medical emergency, I suggest you go talk to Doc Daneeka.

Do I look like a ball doctor to you? - You understand? - Yes, sir.

- That's two doses every two hours.

- Okay.

Doc, hey, I need your help.

You gotta tell Scheisskopf that I've had my balls blown off.

But you haven't had your balls blown off.

Doesn't matter.

He needs to think that they've been blown off.

You're asking me to lie to a guy that we both know is trouble.

No, I'm not asking you to lie.

I'm asking you to use your imagination.

You know that if I stay here, Scheisskopf is gonna fuck me.

I've lost all my friends.

I've flown more missions than anybody on this base, and every time I get close to reaching the quota they raise it on me to fuck me.

I can't do this anymore.

I get that you couldn't ground me for insanity.

I get that you couldn't ground me for liver problems that never existed, but now I finally have a legitimate, actual medical complaint.

And you promised to help me when it counted.

I'm not asking you to lie.

I'm asking you to be a doctor.

DANEEKA: Sir, Captain Yossarian suffered a catastrophic testicular infarction.

A what? - A catastrophic testicular infarction.

- What the hell is that? Well, sir, it's a soft tissue trauma to the scrotal sack.

And? And I believe Captain Yossarian should be sent home.

It's that bad? He may never have children.

You're saying he's had his balls blown off.

Approximately, sir.

Hmm.

I don't know, Doc.

If I'd had my balls blown off, I can't imagine I'd be standing there just like that.

And at attention, no less.

Well, he's heavily medicated right now, sir.

I want to see.

[STAMMERS] Excuse me, sir? I want to see.

I wanna understand this "infarction.

" Drop your pants, soldier.

I-I'm not sure that's such a good idea, sir.

He he's very tender down there.

I want to see.