Look, if you want to get all lesbian with me, just go for it.
You don't have to pretend it's for the website.
It is.
And for the record, in 2009, when Katy Perry "kissed a girl and liked it," I kissed one and didn't.
Ready? One two and - Perfect.
- Perfect? This photo does not say "let us do your child's birthday party.
" It says "we're an AC/DC tribute band, and you can pay us in cocaine.
" Oleg, will you take a picture of us for our website? You realize you just asked a man who only takes pictures of his penis? Yes.
But it's always well-lit, and perfectly in focus.
You won't be disappointed.
I take lots of website pictures.
Yeah, but we're not wearing just bras and chicken masks.
We have time.
Maybe we should rethink the "coke whore" picture.
ââ¢Âª Well, good night, ladies.
Sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite.
And I remember a time in New York when that was more cute than accurate.
- Good night, Earl.
- Good night.
Earl, I have come across a $6 inaccuracy in tonight's total.
You must go over all checks again.
Han, I'm just on my way home.
But it is not yet 2:00 A.
M.
I hate to play the heavy, but you must sit down and go over checks again.
Han, I am 75 years old.
I don't even have enough time left to wipe twice.
Well, well.
Hello there.
Such a gentleman.
And what a well-behaved boy.
Oh, there are the girls.
Sophie, hello.
You look pretty.
Oh, I know.
Oh, sorry, the kitchen's closed.
- What? - Kitchen was closed But can now be open again for such a beautiful woman.
Hello.
I am the chef.
Oh, here we go.
Ukraine's going to try to invade Poland.
It's double d-day.
Oleg, this is our neighbor, Sophie.
I would like to have a plate with sausage on it while I look over the menu.
Yowza.
You are like someone super-sized Victoria's secret angel.
I'd like to Gisele on your Bundchens.
You're going to act like a dog, I'll treat you like a dog.
Well, there goes his photography career.
Do you still want the sausage? Yes, of course.
Why should sausage suffer? You know how to handle yourself.
- Impressive.
- Mm-hmm.
That was like a game of "rock, paper, pervert.
" Sophie, thank you for coming in.
Max and I wanted to talk to you about taking you up on your offer to work for your cleaning company.
Yeah, she wants to do it for money to pay for our website, and I want to do it because I like rummaging through strangers' medicine cabinets.
Have you cleaned houses before? Well, I had a house, and it was very clean.
But whatever the task, you won't be sorry.
Max and I are a great team, and when we set our mind to something, we accomplish it.
- And if you consider giving us - Oh, stop.
This is not a dental school interview.
Come on, this is scrubbing toilets.
In or out? We're in.
All the way.
In my experience, when someone has to tell you they're all the way in, you'd better hope their tongue works.
So dirty.
We can start tomorrow.
Just tell us where to go, and we'll be there.
Oh, okay.
Well, uh, you walk out your door, you take right, you go upstairs, you open my door, and you clean my apartment.
Is audition.
Can't I just take off my shirt like in fame? Excuse me.
Here is your non-sexual appetizer.
You and I will start small.
You like? Yes.
Good boy.
Now go.
Forced to clean Sophie's apartment? This is getting dicey.
Next thing you know, we're locked in a crate on our way to the far east.
Max, we're going to spend this money on our website.
That's the future of our company.
But the future is so far in the future, and I need this money now for real stuff, like gummi bears and eye liner.
How do you think you get to the future? Uh, Marty McFly and a delorean? Besides, we don't need the website yet.
We got the birthday cupcake job tomorrow without it.
And where do you think we got that job? I don't know, the job fairy? What? I don't pay attention to the business stuff.
I got the order at the web design company when I overheard someone say it was his son's fifth birthday.
Gross.
Using children for your own profit.
Way to go, China.
Well, here we are.
Why is this big news? Come in.
So, if this all works out today, I have two possible jobs for you.
Two? That's amazing.
This is the only way that I can make sure that you don't ruin my company's good name.
'Cause I work hard to build "Sophie's choice.
" Now, uh, one of you take bathroom and one of you take out here.
Who does which? Bathroom.
I'm going to go with bathroom.
I love a challenge.
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