Wow! Bummer, dude.
You have a time machine? And somehow, it got programmed to this crap diner? I must admit, I am quite taken with steampunk.
Oh, steampunk, right.
I remember that trend.
It happened for, like, ten seconds back in 2000 and-are-you-kidding-me? Dude, seriously, you're sitting in a public place tap-tap-tapping on an oldie typewriter? What are you? In the league of extraordinarily pretentious gentlemen? Aren't you being a little aggressive? Yup.
That's how people are here in the present where we live.
But don't get me wrong.
I'd like to go back in time, too.
Maybe stop 9/11 or that creep who had sex on my shoe, but I can't.
Present? Where's that uniform from? Like, 1998? Oh, stop, or I'm going to have to shoot you with a Smith & Wesson I'm currently packing in my bloomers.
I'll go get thee a menu, my good man.
attention, everyone.
Max and I have a little late-night treat for you.
Don't say it all excited like that.
Now when it's not drugs, Earl's going to be pissed.
You are invited to a very important taste-test of Max's homemade cupcakes.
Okay, but I will have only one.
When I get a tummy, single ladies call me Buddha and rub me for luck.
I gotta watch out, too.
Last time I had Max's chocolate espresso cupcake before going home, I was awake till 5:00 A.
M.
, hand washing all my thongs.
Thongs? Earl, you devil.
That's right, just because there's snow on the roof doesn't mean there's not swing in the sling.
Oh, Caroline, darling.
Can you go back over there? I forgot my racing form.
Oh, horse racing? It reminds me of Chestnut.
Max Chestnut.
What's with the sad face? Your horse is living it up at a fancy stable nearby.
Not gone to the great stud farm in the sky.
Did someone say "stud farm"? My fee is $10 a quart or $15 if you want a boy.
Wow.
You bounced back from your Sophie breakup pretty quick.
It was not a real breakup.
I will have her very soon again.
Right now, I lay low and wait in bushes like determined jungle cat.
Or a rapist.
Racing forms, here you go.
Earl, maybe some time you will take me out to the track with you.
I used to ride horses all the time in Korea.
The mechanical ones for a quarter in front of supermarkets? Actually, Max, I'm a very good rider.
In fact, I was training to be a jockey but was too short.
Too short to be a jockey? That's a hard hit, my man.
Han, I had no idea you loved horses, too.
Why didn't you ever say anything? Well, why didn't you ever ask about any of my interests? I'll tell you why.
Because all you ever talk about is "our cupcake business," our cupcake business.
" Doesn't your cd have other tracks? Anyway, our cupcake business has a very important meeting tomorrow with Paul Platt, the party planner.
I know a party planner, too.
He sells J .
Lo.
and Salma Hayek Pinatas off back of truck for Cinco de Mayo.
Awesome.
Put me down for a Hayek.
More storage space for candy.
Well, our party planner is the it guy in Manhattan.
And tomorrow, Max and I are doing a tasting for him at his office.
How can someone be too short to be a jockey? Isn't that the whole point? Are you all right, Max? I got here as fast as I could.
Caroline texted me to hurry over because you didn't know you were pregnant, and you were giving birth over toilet.
So I grabbed my plunger and ran! That is insane.
I never texted that.
No, I did, when I stole your phone.
I needed a reason to get Sophie over here.
I can't believe she believed it.
Oh, come on, Max.
Giving birth over toilet? That is very you.
Now that you are here, Sophie, sit.
I want to tell you something important.
Well, you can forget that.
There's no way I'm going to stay.
A cupcake party? Oh, look, and this one even has a pretzel in it.
Yup, that's our "salty n' spice" for our more adventurous customers.
Also for the uptight white people, we have the very, very vanilla which is big surprise My favorite.
And this is our beer-batter maple bacon spring break cupcake.
That's for stoners, and big surprise, my favorite.
We can only take four flavors to represent our cupcake business.
See? Not one word ever about anyone else.
I have a pet ferret, if anyone gives a damn.
Well, I have some big news I want to share with you all as well.
Sophie, that classy lady right over there Mm, I like this one.
She recently broke it off with me because she wanted to be with a man who had a dream and a drive.
So I have bought a drive A Lincoln town car.
Yes, I have a new car service and slogan: "Lie back and I will ride you till you tell me to stop.
" So, oleg, you now have a town car business? And Sophie, you rent town cars all the time.
Oh, oh, please.
I mean, I love pizza, too, but that doesn't mean I have to marry papa John.
I was just thinking, you might want to come out back and take a look at the light-up makeup mirror on visors.
Light-up makeup mirror? Oh, I might be interested.
But not just you and I.
Han will come as well.
Finally! Han is getting invited to something.
Other than LinkedIn.
- So much for the taste test.
- It's fine.
I know what's best for our cupcake business.
I do say that a lot, but I think it's kind of charming.
I'll go get our coats.
Mm, mm, mm.
Look at you.
I must say, I'm impressed with how far you've come.
Well, you burn a few thousand cupcakes, you're bound to get better.
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