Well, you, me, and the cupcakes are ready, now, we just need people.
Ooh, here we go! This one looks like she might come in.
Yeah, keep walking, ugly! Ugly? She's like a supermodel.
Did she come in and buy something? - No.
- Then, she ugly.
Okay, yes, business is slow, but we don't have to drop to that level.
Ooh, this guy is definitely coming in.
Keep walking, fatty! And he ugly.
Welcome to Max's homemade cupcakes! Hello.
How much are your cupcakes? $4.
No.
Whore.
Jinx, you owe me a coke! We both called an old lady a whore.
I know! We are in complete sync.
That is so good for business.
I'll give you $3.
I'm sorry, they're $4.
There's no one in here.
You'll take what you get.
I'm in love with that whore.
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh And The Silent Partner Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh Hello.
I'm calling from Max's Homemade Cupcakes to acquaint you with our new "Mornings with Max's" special.
No, sir, that is not what our special is.
And I haven't even done that with my boyfriend yet, so don't be rude.
Give me that phone.
Ya fat, ya ugly, ya fugly.
Max, we have got to get more business going.
The money Sophie gave us to open the shop will only cover next month's rent.
Wait, we already have next month's rent? Why are we worried? We're doing better than everyone else in America.
Well, well, well, if it isn't Prince Charming.
But, Earl, is Prince Charming, or is he just a diva in purple? So psyched.
Finally got a personalized hello from Earl.
He called me Prince Charming.
I'm in, baby, I am in.
I wouldn't get too excited.
He probably just forgot your name.
He calls every Puerto Rican guy that comes in here "La Bamba.
" Max's Homemade Cupcakes.
Yes, I'll hold.
Of course we do sugar-free and gluten-free.
I'll be right back, I just gotta take this call.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm, I understand, but, like, how diabetic? I feel a little sick to my stomach.
Why? You haven't even eaten here yet.
No, I'm nervous.
I came here to tell Caroline something kind of big.
What? You have a secret family on Long Island? - No.
- You have Hep-C? "D"? - One of the new heps? - No.
I don't have any of the heps.
Wow.
Now, telling her I'm in love with her is just going to sound boring.
You're gonna tell her you love her? Here in the diner? Why, was the dump closed? Hey, we need more coffee, La Bamba.
Andy, this isn't where you tell someone "I love you.
" This is where you tell someone their sex change looks passable.
What's the big deal? If I feel it, why shouldn't I say it? I think she'd be all over that.
Nope.
If it didn't happen to Kate Hudson in some stupid romantic comedy, then it won't work for Caroline.
Sorry, what? I left and went into another theater in my mind while you were talking.
I know, it's so creepy, but she likes it.
Really, if you could arrange for it to rain, or run after her to the airport in the rain, but somehow end up on top of the Empire State building on Valentine's Day, that'd be best.
Well, I just sold three dozen cupcakes, we just have to mark "No sugar" on one of the boxes.
So what did you want to say to me? No, nothing, just came by to say hi.
I gotta go download a couple movies.
Hey, Oleg.
Where's my food? Cheeseburger with fries, pick-up.
Han, you look so tall in the window.
Tell me the truth, are you standing on another tiny person? No.
On the box.
Oleg had to leave.
Sophie came back from her trip to Poland, and he's worried, 'cause she's very, very depressed.
Why, did she see you in that hair net? Come on, listen, when Sophie went to see her new house, there was no house.
Her Polish contractor ripped off her money.
Poor Sophie.
I feel terrible.
I know what it feels like to be ripped off.
I once bought a Fendi purse, but when I looked inside, it said "Rendi.
" What kind of god would let that happen? Max, I went to a party with that.
We should stop by after work, see how she is, and bring her some of her favorite cupcakes.
Or you could give her that $20,000 she loaned you.
Loaned us? Sophie gave us that money as a gift.
Not what I hear.
Pick-up! And we're out of spaghetti.
There's no sauce.
No, Han, there's plenty of sauce.
I know, but I can't reach the shelf.
Hey, are we sure that money Sophie gave us was a gift? Yes.
She gave it to us to support our dream.
I know when I had money, I gave it out freely, and never expected anything in return.
Like when I gave my maid that gorgeous Rendi.
Well, I don't know about people not expecting stuff back.
One time, a guy bought me a slushy, and for the next three weeks, he owned me.
No, he really owned me.
Eight days in, I almost got traded to a trucker.
And I wouldn't even mention her gift.
It will only insult her, and I promise, nobody is expecting us to give the money back.
Come in, girls.
Did you bring the check? No, because it was a gift-- a big-ass gift, but we brought our love and we brought cupcakes.
Well, I doubt she'll eat them.
She hasn't even touched her kapusniak, which is the dish traditionally served to Polish women who have been wronged by their contractors.
Such a specific culture.
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