Well, here it is.
My last tip.
Only $2.
And to think, I held in a fart for those cheap bastards.
This night sucks.
We don't even have enough to buy supplies for tomorrow.
We'll just have to go to that store where everything's free.
Oh, good.
They're open.
And we have to sneak all this stuff out.
Han's staying late to do inventory.
Damn it, why does he always have to be so Asian? Let's see, what do we need for our cupcake shop? - Eggs, sugar-- - A stripper pole? Do you want to make money or not? How are we gonna hide these eggs? You could put some of those "Grade A large" where there's "Grade A itty-bitties.
" Rude, but I don't hate it.
I can probably fit four to six in each.
So positive! I love that you're a "cup's half full" kind of person.
So come here often? This is my first time.
- Well, you're very pretty.
- Oh, thank you.
Heads up.
Han's coming your way.
Should I fake a stroke? And P.
S.
, if I don't get up in three minutes, it's a real one.
No, I'll deal with him.
You keep going.
Keep it up, and we'll finally have an answer to the question "What comes first? The chicken or the Oleg?" Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh And The Psychic Shakedown Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh Here you go.
I just found the greatest thing online.
The ultrasound of the Kim and Kanye baby where someone photoshopped a "666" on its little baby butt? Wait, this kid's half Kardashian.
Its big baby butt.
Wow, that baby's already famous for doing nothing Just like its mom.
No, what I found is a site where we can apply for a small business grant.
There's a couple of categories: Women-owned business-- No thanks.
I've been to jail.
I was already owned by a woman.
There's also a minority-owned category.
You don't know who your father is, and you do have an exotic look.
Any chance he could be Native American? Yes, in fact, I think his name was Chief Running Away.
Wait.
Maybe we don't even need your father.
We are white, which according to the last presidential election, is the new minority.
So now all we need is a letter of recommendation from someone who owns another start-up business.
I was thinking of a recommendation from Candy Andy's Sweets and Treats.
I've already written it, so he just has to sign it.
Will you ask Andy? I can't, he's my ex.
And I'm saving up my favor for a booty call on a cold night.
I hate asking men for things.
Favors, last names, to stop.
Excuse me, could I get some more Sweet'n Low? Why don't you look in your purse? It's where I saw you put them.
I'm so embarrassed.
Don't be.
I wasn't when I stole them last night.
What did Andy say? He's gone.
- For lunch? - Forever.
The man is gone.
His store is empty.
Oh, my God, this is so sad.
I know.
There goes the candy.
And my booty call.
- He didn't even leave a note? - Or a razzle? Forget the candy.
Are we not gonna talk about the fact that my ex-boyfriend left without so much as a peep? Great.
Now I want peeps.
Hey, Max.
Is today the day we're gonna get married? Sure, Amir.
'Cause my dream in life is to be detained for four hours on our honeymoon flight.
Max, you do know I was born in this country, right? You were born here? How old are you? About Zero Dark Thirty? Yeah, you were born in a Walmart, right? Where do you think the expression "Clean up on aisle 12" comes from? Hey, Caroline, you bummed you drove your boyfriend out of town? For the record, I did not chase Andy away.
We ended our relationship well.
Right, that's why I helped him move out in the middle of the night.
Man, you messed that up.
So self-involved.
Wow.
Coming in a little hot, Amir.
Yeah, guns ablazin'.
If I was allowed to carry them.
Oh, Amir.
You're the bomb.
Look at us.
We're like Homeland, if it was a rom-com.
You don't have to read it, Han.
It's just a standard letter of recommendation.
Don't be a bitch.
Just sign it.
I'm not comfortable putting my name on a document I haven't read.
I understand, but don't be a bitch.
Just sign it.
"Max's Homemade Cupcakes is an up-and-coming powerhouse business.
" I can't sign this.
This has more lies than my OKCupid profile.
Don't be a bitch.
Just sign it.
That one's on me, girls.
If I sign this, it's lying.
I could get deported.
And I'm one home inspection away from a poodle adoption.
A poodle? That's cool.
You can share sweaters.
Hurry up, bitch.
The deadline to mail that is tonight.
Well, if you just wanted to steamroll someone, why didn't you get your boyfriend, Andy, to sign it? They split.
He left last night without a peep.
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