- Good evening, ladies.
- No.
Max, what are you doing? I know this neighborhood is a circus, but our window's becoming a freak show.
Max, I don't think that bearded lady earlier was doing it on purpose.
It's more of a menopause thing.
He can't afford a cupcake.
He can't even afford two wheels.
Hi.
What can I get you? - I'll take one vanilla.
- That'll be $4.
Actually, madam, tonight I'll be paying with a poem.
We're paying with a poem, madam.
I pull.
Shadows push.
I was a child then.
I was a child then.
Spit it out.
Hey, you want a poem? Roses are red, violets are blue, get a job! And another wheel! That felt good.
I get why you do that.
Wait till you get actual fist-to-face contact.
That's a real high.
Season 3, Episode 12 "And the French Kiss" Welcome to the Williamsburg diner, Deke.
Where'd you hear about us? Kitchen nightmares? Okay, Max, let's get to it.
We have to decide what we're each gonna make for our pastry school homework.
Or true to form, I'll blow it off, beat you up, and take yours.
Of the top of my giant head, I'm thinking sticky buns.
Deke's dark sticky buns.
We're talking about dessert, not what's going on in your pants.
Well, I would've baked brownies, until I remembered I smoked all the ingredients.
Oh, my God, guess who texted me again.
Dame Judi Dench? Dame Judes texts me all the time.
She's thirsty.
More like, "Damn, Judi Drench.
" Oh, hi, Deke.
Didn't know you were here.
You're everywhere.
Pastry school, on the phone with Max talking about pastry school, and now here at the counter talking about elder sex with a beloved star of stage and screen.
- You're like - What? Denzel Washington trapped in Channing Tatum's body? I get that a lot.
Anyway, Max, this is the fourth time chef Nicolas has texted me outside of school.
And this time he sent me a video.
Look.
Then, Caroline, you spoon the fat from the pan It's him making breakfast with his shirt open.
What do you think it means? That he doesn't have a fear of bacon splatters? - He's totally flirting with me, right? - Totally.
Chef Nicolas is hot for ya.
He has to double up on aprons when you're around, know what I'm sayin'? Deke, this is just private best friend stuff between girls.
You know, that you're not a part of.
Can I not be a part of it? And since chef Nicolas is your teacher and I work at the school, I'd appreciate it if we kept this just between us three.
And me.
I saw it over your shoulder.
Doesn't hold a candle to my series of pantless meatloaf videos.
Meatloaf.
Pick up.
Okay, okay, Max, if you have time to lean, you have time to clean.
And if I have time to give you a punch, we have time to have lunch.
Max, should we help him find his mom? Oh, no, now there's two of them.
Like gremlins.
Now, come on.
This is a diner, not study hall.
You're working.
I call it "spiritually dying," but working's a good word for what we do here too.
We could figure it out tomorrow night over some drinks.
Couple of white wine spritzers.
Know what I'm sayin'? That you're a recently-widowed woman on a girls' trip in Boca? Well, I already ate my water, so I'm good to go.
I am out the door.
Hi, I'm Deke.
Bye, Max.
Oh, he's your friend? For a minute I thought he was that kid I had out of wedlock with Linda Evans.
Okay, why are you in here not working? And why are you doing it without me? Look, I've been texting with Nicolas.
He thirstay.
He wants me to meet him for a drink after his dinner tomorrow.
After his dinner.
You know what that means.
That he thinks he doesn't have to buy you dinner before he makes you his slam piece? "After dinner" is a Booty call.
Or as they say in France, "A call du bootay.
" So I need you to hang out with me, because if I don't have anything else to do at that time, I won't be able to resist him.
I don't see it.
Maybe because he never pulled a knife on me, but to me he's, like, asexual.
Yeah, like a sexual object.
Okay, well, I told Deke I'd help him with his homework, so you can hang out with us.
Hang out with Deke? I didn't even like the Muppets on TV.
But fine, it'll It'll keep me busy, because Max, when Nicolas looks at me, it does something to my insides, and I want this to be a relationship before he does something to my insides.
If you keep talking about your insides, I'm gonna kick you on your outsides.
Okay, so as far as my dessert homework goes He just texted me again.
"Où es-tu?" "Where are you?" And he used "tu", not "vous.
" We've gone there.
Then why are you still here? Because I can't go there, Max, I'm not ready.
Oh, wax situation? Guys don't care about that.
So as far as my dessert goes, I went all-out and actually did some real research.
- You googled desserts with dirty names? - Correcto.
And it was harder to pick one than I thought.
I mean, you got your bundt cake, your lady fingers, kumquat pie "Kum" and "quat".
It was right there the whole time.
How could I not see it? So I dug deep, and I have the winner.
Croquembouche.
I don't know what that is, but she sounds like a whore.
It's a traditional French wedding cake with vanilla cream-filled profiteroles dipped in hand-made caramel.
Said the only person here not in pastry school.
Oh, cool.
I didn't know what it was.
Maybe I can help.
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