All right, I closed out the cupcake register.
Here is our rent money.
Give me back the envelope, though, 'cause it's also my jewelry box.
No, I closed out the register.
I have our rent money.
Max, do you know what this means? Unless I was hit in the head by a piece of farm equipment, it means we have extra money.
I wanna do the extra money dance, but we don't have one because we've never had extra money! The only extra money dance I know involves ping-pong balls and I'm really out of practice.
(Peter Bjorn and John) Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh Earl, I brought you your favorite.
A half-black, half-Chinese belly dancer? A coconut cupcake.
Look at Caroline over there.
She's flirting harder with him than I flirt with heart disease.
Stop, stop! I'm only on episode two of season one.
I will kill you! Then To be continued.
Oh! It's gonna be continued Well, then, we will continue this When we continue this.
If that's your game, you're gonna be living with me forever, Fran.
He's been in my section three nights in a row for the Turkey Club.
I'm calling him "the Turkey Club cutie".
I'm calling poison control.
I think he's getting ready to ask me out.
He wanted to know if I live around here and what time I get off.
If a man's gonna wait for you to get off, he's a keeper.
So See you next time.
I will see you next time as well.
Bye.
- What's that? - I don't know.
How would I know? Because it came out of your head? I don't have hair extensions, Max.
- Okay, I'll throw it out.
- No! I'll keep it for this story! What story? The story about how we found a blonde hair extension out of nowhere that night.
It's hilarious! Well, it's already funnier than most of your stories.
Oh, look, there's another hilarious story! Okay, Max, I have a confession to make.
I have hair extensions.
I also have a confession to make.
I murdered a man in Rhode Island.
I just have a few.
It gives me volume.
Too bad it doesn't give you depth.
Now I have to go and try and reattach these.
These weaves are supposed to last.
This is unbe-weave-able! I found this in the lettuce.
Any sign of a NuvaRing in there? 'Cause I can't find mine.
Caroline's losing her hair, isn't she? Is she sick? Does she have cancer, The Big "C"? No, Little You.
She doesn't have The Big "C".
She barely has the double "A's".
- Han found more of your hair.
- He knows about the extensions? No, he thinks you have cancer.
Oh, good! So no one knows.
Hola, ladies! Your night just got sexier.
Luis, you punched out hours ago.
What are you doing here so late? On your way homo? Good one, hooker! No, I'm between clubs.
Circus just became a straight club, and Satellite doesn't become a gay club for a half hour.
So I'm here to have a cocktail with my bro Oleg.
Luis, we told you.
Oleg is straight.
Oh, please! So am I in Alabama.
Well, he left already.
But I told him I was gonna stop by.
Typical man.
Fear of intimacy.
Oh, Carolina, while I'm here This is yours.
I found it during my shift.
- Ooh, tips from my tables? - More like hair from your head.
I knew this was all too good to be true.
You have extensions.
No, I have cancer.
No, you have extensions.
Good try.
Later! Hey.
Notice anything different? I took some of the extra money and got new hair extensions.
And I also got you a surprise.
I put it in your room.
Go look! I'm not interested unless it's a potbelly pig or a potbelly pig in a pilgrim costume, or a pilgrim in a potbelly pig costume, or just pot.
Hint, hint.
I put it on your bed.
What do you think? Do you love? Okay Why is all this crap on my bed? - And what the hell is it? - That's a bed skirt.
My bed doesn't wear skirts.
It's a dude! I know, because it pokes me in the back while I'm asleep.
I got you new bedding, and me some cute new flannel jammies.
They have Eiffel Towers on them.
They were marked down because everybody hates French people.
These don't even have stains! How am I gonna know which is the top now? Max, what's the problem? You've had those old sheets forever.
- You don't even have a spare set.
- A spare set of sheets? Who am I, the Queen of England? You're so frustrating, I'd pull my hair out But I'm not sure which of it is mine.
Look! Look! Are you happy? Chestnut's upset.
He knows we're fighting.
Good! He should know that if he goes out for a bag of chips, he could come home to find you replaced his saddle with a thong.
I got you a present.
Would you be this angry at Santa Claus? Who's that? Max, please.
Just for a change, try sleeping on something nice.
Fine! But if I wanted to sleep on something nice, I would have hooked up with that guy who moved home to take care of his sick mother.
Watch your back, Chestnut.
Watch your back.
Where are my old sheets, bitch? Why? Why are you calling me a "bitch" at night? I was sleeping in my new jammies.
Well, I can't sleep without those sheets.
So where are they? I checked all your drawers.
And by the way, who hides their vibrator in a Starbucks cup? You already know the answer, so I'm going back to sleep.
Whoa, whoa! Why! Why am I on the floor in my new jammies? Where are they? I don't have them.
I gave them to the poor.
You took them from the poor! And the poor wants them back.
Well, it's too late.
I put them in the Salvation Army donation bin.
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