Girls, I need your attention.
You also need a booster seat for most places.
No, I came out to tell you some big news.
You also came out when you wore that sweater to work today.
John Mayer wore this sweater in Details.
Tonight, we are trying family-style service.
I thought family-style service was what I had to do with my uncle.
Well, my family-style is more "potluck" heavy on the pot, not so heavy on the luck.
Why would a family come here? If I see a child in here, I'm calling the police.
It's like seeing a dog locked in a hot car.
Chicken cacciatore, family-style.
Liver and onions, family-style.
Spaghetti and meatballs, my family-style, which means the balls are kinda small, but the noodles are extra long.
You bring out the food in large bowls and the customers serve themselves, as they've been doing since I hired you two.
Good idea, Han.
The diner food does belong in a big bowl the toilet bowl.
I don't know what your uncle saw in you.
Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Max, I just found something very upsetting on my phone.
Another free U2 album? Worse.
And worse than an e-vite to a friend's improv show.
It's an e-mail from the managing director of all The High restaurants saying he's seen our sales and is disappointed with my performance.
Duh-lete like I do with all the "disappointed in your performance" texts I get from guys after sex.
Sorry, gents! My boobs make a promise my bad back can't deliver.
Those bad sales numbers are not our fault.
Our unit's out at the airport.
Well, I'm not taking ownership of this because my unit is not at the airport.
It's in my bed table drawer.
I'm the manager.
It's on me.
As is this tartar stain.
It just refuses to come out.
You'd think it's parents were Baptist.
Well, Manager, I need to get out of there early tomorrow to do Sophie's wedding cake, and also because you're annoying as a boss.
Hey, everybody! Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me I love being a bride.
You don't even have to pretend it's about anyone else.
Kinda like me, when I was rich.
Pretty much every single day still.
Good news, bad news.
The good news is the rash is not spreading past my nuts.
And that's the good news.
Bad news the wedding donkey we booked for the church service died.
I'll ask the obvious question.
Did it have anything to do with the rash? I mean, what are we gonna do? It's not a traditional Polish wedding without an ass walking down the aisle.
I think Oleg's got that covered.
Girls, we need an ass, you have a horse same family, but not related, like the Jolie-Pitt kids.
No way.
Chestnut is my baby.
Well, the donkey was getting a thousand bucks.
Baby's gotta work.
Wow, business is slower than the third season of House of Cards.
You know what's doing great business? It's my new Grindr profile.
Changed my screen name to "Suction Junction".
That damn Cinnabon next door is taking all our business.
What kind of low lives would prefer those to these fine desserts? I found a secret pathway to the Cinnabon kitchen! Move, bitch! Really? You too? I just don't get it.
It's an acquired taste, like crystal meth.
Ugh.
Great.
My waiter's gonna be late again.
"Held up at the TSA line.
" That's what I get for hiring an airport waiter named Mohammed Machdinajihad.
Oh, look, Ronnie, a new place.
I see it, Bonnie, I'm right next to you.
Didn't this used to be the bar we got wasted in before our flights? I can't remember.
I was wasted.
Welcome to The High the finest in high quality desserts.
We also have yogurts, cappuccinos, lattes, coffee, herb teas, or smart waters.
And did I mention we're a Boingo Hotspot? Take it down a notch.
You're selling it harder than Anne Hathaway on The Tonight Show.
Oh, hi, I'm not here to buy, just to look.
On a diet since 1998.
Oh dear lord, those look amazing.
- Can I just smell a piece? - Bonnie, don't.
It'll get you going, and then halfway to Paris, I'll find you in coach binging on a bag of Sun Chips.
That's my favorite thing about the job.
Oh, Paris reminds me.
I bought two first class tickets to Paris on three credit cards that will escalate 20% over six years anyway I really need to return them.
What's the window on that with your airline? A month about the same amount of time I have until this fake smile finally falls off my face.
Lady, we're flight attendants.
If that smile falls off your face, you're gonna have to get a job at Southwest.
Why are you returning them? You don't like Paris? J'adore Paris, but long story short Uh, I'll make it short because she's incapable and will throw in lots more of that fake French.
Bought the tickets so that I could get to the gate to see a guy I was banging.
I hear ya.
I once hid in the luggage cart for 12 hours to do it with this cute guy who works at Customs here.
Oh, right.
Rick.
What's he doing now? Me, every third Tuesday.
Ahh, don't leave me hanging, ladies.
Ah.
If we hadn't just read Lean In in our wine club I mean book club We'd be real jealous of you gals.
We always had a dream to open a shop at the airport.
Well, whatever it is, just don't open near a Cinnabon because failure smells a hell of a lot like cinnamon.
Final boarding call for flight 24 to Paris.
Final boarding call.
Final boarding call? We better hurry.
Wow, everything looks so much smaller in here than I remembered it.
Like returning to your old high school or your old high school boyfriend's penis.
Not mine.
I went to an urban high school.
What's that weird smell? Probably that milk.
It's been in here so long, its own photo was on the carton.
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