1
MAX: Previously on 2 Broke Girls
Oh, no, Max! My wallet! It's gone.
All of our cash and our
credit cards were in there.
I need to get to Texas
to see my boyfriend.
There has got to be a way
we can work something out.
We'll do anything.
Just another lonely night
here in Texas
with all my new best friends!
Ha-ha!
I'm driving to Texas
if y'all want a ride.
(both gasp) Shotgun! I'm sitting
next to RuPaul.
No.
I'm sitting next to RuPaul!
(upbeat music)
All right.
So, this is where Randy and the
other movie people are staying.
(sniffs) He's been here.
I smell abs.
Ugh, I smell us.
When did I have a hot dog?
I shared one with you while you
were sleeping.
You're welcome.
Let's ask that clerk
if he's seen Randy,
and when the outdoor sprinklers
go on so we can freshen up.
Hi.
How can I help you?
B-T-dubs, if you're going
for that tossled,
just-crawled-out-of-a-ditch look,
you nailed it.
I'm not gonna ask
what you just crawled out of,
because I'm too tired to be mean.
So, Richie,
my associate and I would like to know
what room Randy Walsh is staying in.
And I see you have a very strict
"no pets" policy.
Yes, Randy Walsh's room.
Of course.
Looks like he is in room number
what hotel clerk in the world
would give out a guest's info
to two dusty randos?
Um, I'm more than just a dusty rando.
I'm his dusty ex-girlfriend.
Also, well played.
He has friend potential.
Not helpful friend.
Just "tell you
what not to wear" friend.
Well, it's still early,
so hopefully Randy hasn't left
oh, my God, free cookies!
(gasps) And cucumber water!
With berries!
My nanny used to make me water
like this
before the town car would
take me to preschool.
You had a town car?
My mom was called the town car.
She sat four comfortably.
Can't believe I have to take
a van to set with other people.
I was in Speed.
You were on speed.
And you were in rehab.
And then I rebuilt your career,
and now you have to take a van.
(gasps) Max, look! It's Randy.
And that guy from the
reverse mortgage commercials.
Ugh! Oh, God!
He can't see me all gross like this.
I thought your grossness is
one of the things he likes about you.
Mm, it's complicated.
He likes me to start out clean.
(Peter Bjorn and John)
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
(cash register bell dings)
(upbeat music)
I am getting really good
at bathing in public restrooms.
And I want it to end!
Well, your hobo skills
are not complete.
You need to practice
peeing in an alley.
You're still splashing on your shoes.
Now come on.
Let's go find Randy.
Fine.
Let's go ask that concierge
if he knows where it is.
Hey, remember us?
The dust bunnies from before?
I know who you are.
I've been following you two
around with a wet vac.
Bit of an attitude
from someone who's got
two giant horns coming out of his head.
You're bringing horny
to a whole new level.
Can you please tell us
where the movie set is?
Oh, of course.
Absolutely.
No problem.
Just go out the lobby, make
a left on Main, then a right
on There's No Way In Hell
I'm Telling You That Street.
Uh, was that a left or a right
on No Way In Hell
I'm Telling You That Street?
Look.
My friend came all the way here
to surprise her boyfriend.
How would you feel
if someone stopped you
from seeing your boyfriend?
Excuse me? Boyfriend?
I'm not gay.
This is Texas,
not the Flaming Saddles Saloon
on 9th Avenue and 52nd
Street in New York City.
Where you've definitely never been.
Please just leave my lobby, all right?
There's enough sad wannabes around here
with the extras casting
which reminds me
I need to get to extras casting.
We don't need him, Max.
I have a great idea.
We'll get cast as extras
in Randy's movie.
That way you can see him,
and audiences everywhere can see me.
Ah, Caroline, that's genius!
While we're waiting, I'll call Han
to check on the dessert bar's progress.
Wow.
I have an acting career
and I own a dessert bar.
And to think just moments ago
I was tossing water
from a sink to my privates.
Can you call it a whore's
bath if you never have sex?
Can you please tell
them to keep it down?
- (loud banging)
- A simple "no" would've done.
You don't have to insult my sweater!
And hello, Max.
(banging)
There's more banging going on in there
than season one of The Affair.
It's really ruining the
fine dining ambiance in here.
What's that, doc?
Is it on my testicle or just near it?
(banging continues)
Come on!
(baby crying)
And now they woke up Barbara.
And I don't have the DVD
of Amy Adams' last movie
to put her back to sleep.
That's the last straw.
I'm going over there.
I can't stand the sound
of a crying baby.
That's why I'm waiting
a couple years to have my own.
Hey! Oleg.
Come on.
Your daughter just got
woken up with that heavy noise.
You should be going over there.
Uh, I'm kind of in the middle of taking
a "Which Friends
character are you?" quiz.
Ross?
Well, maybe you should be
doing some more manly things
so that when Barbara sees your picture,
she doesn't say "Mama.
"
She calls me Mama?
I'm going over there.
I'm not Mama.
I'm Dadushki!
You're being a da-douche-ski.
James jostled Gene gently.
James jostled Gene gently.
James jostled Gene
Somebody help.
I think my robot's broken.
It's an acting exercise, Max.
It stretches out the mouth.
Uh, I think all those
teeth do the trick.
I just want to be prepared.
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