1
(upbeat music)
Oh, my God, the customers are nakey.
Thank God you're seeing it too.
I thought my X-ray vision was back.
God bless the annual naked bike ride.
And where's Oleg?
This is the first lunch rush in years.
Uh, the guy at table
three needs some water
and has an ass mole that
should really get looked at,
but not by me.
Oleg, you're doing the
naked bike ride too?
The naked what?
Okay, gang.
Let's hit the road.
(gasps)
Ugh, oh!
Ooh, ah!
I don't know where to look now.
Nothing's good.
Well, now we have to
burn this place down.
(Peter Bjorn and John)
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
[cash register bell dings]
Don't try and stop me.
I'll Mountain Dew it.
You know I'm crazy
when I'm all Coked up.
So I heard a lot of noise
coming from your room last night.
And since I know that bat is dead,
because it had a heart
attack on my pillow,
I assume you had a gentleman caller?
He wasn't a gentleman,
but he did wear a
monocle while we did it.
Well, you had a much more
exciting night than I did.
Both of my legs fell
asleep on the toilet.
Then so did I.
So you aren't gonna see him again?
Well, we know every
time Earl walks away,
there's a chance of that.
I have an announcement.
Whoever keeps putting
peanut butter in my desk,
stop.
I'm allergic.
And I'm closing the diner Sunday.
Well, we had a good run.
No, we didn't.
Let's scavenge, people!
Bye, y'all!
Where do we keep the money at?
(paper shredder whirring)
What?
I don't want our meat order
to fall into the wrong hands.
No, you pile of felons.
I'm closing the diner for Sunday only.
Well, I'm keeping this stuff anyway.
And I really hate it.
My new therapist, Gary,
says that I need
to take a day off to focus on myself.
Did he give you a
magnifying glass for that?
Max, Gary says you use
your toxic, mean-spirited jokes
to keep people like me at a distance.
You know what else works?
Putting my hand on your forehead.
Max, Gary also says
you have a fear of intimacy
stemming from your
father abandoning you.
To put it simply,
you have daddy issues.
The only daddy issues I have
are of Rod Magazine.
And there's no such
thing as daddy issues.
If there was, why would
my daughter be married
to a forgetful older man named Burl?
What did Gary say about me, Han?
Were the words "Eliza Doolittle" used?
Well, you certainly do little,
but actually, you didn't come up.
You don't come up to my knees.
See? That's the kind
of material you need
to get a shout-out.
Hey, everybody!
Barbara just smiled politely
at her first ugly baby.
Oh, I could learn some
manners from her.
Sophie, it's really not
nice to call a baby "ugly.
"
Shut up!
Oh, I mean
(cheerfully) Shut up!
Good news, Sophie.
I don't have to work here
or Bubzie's Hideaway this Sunday.
We can get a babysitter
and spend the whole day together.
Well, if you're suggesting
that we have sex at
the dog track again,
then I'm gonna tell you
what I said at the dog track.
(barking)
Well, now we all need therapy.
Oh, Bobby, I'm so sorry
you have to go to your great
aunt's funeral on Sunday.
I really wanted to get lunch
and some towels at Ikea.
Ooh, if you're going to Ikea,
can you get me a snars-vaten-woggen?
I need a place to put my book light.
Okay, I understand.
I guess the real lesson is,
don't lie about your
weight on a hot-air balloon.
I am so, so sorry
that I had to listen to that
horrible phone conversation.
You know, Max, it's
actually a good thing
that Bobby's aunt died tragically.
Now we can do inventory here
and get ahead on our books on Sunday.
Only you could turn a death
into something depressing.
(chuckles) Speaking of
something depressing.
I just came by to let you know
you're late for the diner,
and you know, Max,
I had a working brunch with Gary,
and he made a good point
as he pretended to reach for the check.
He said it was unfair of me
to bring up your problems
without offering a solution.
You need to talk to your father.
Han, you are really
overstepping your boundaries,
which is really rude,
because that's my job.
Uh, it's fine.
Yeah, go ahead, Han.
Try and find my father.
I don't know his name, where he lives,
or where he gets dialysis,
I'm assuming.
So good luck with that.
Here's his name and number.
He lives in Rhode Island,
America's least exciting state.
How did you find that?
That is way over the line,
and I really wish it was
me who had done it.
Unlike Max in high school,
it wasn't easy.
I called the hospital
for her birth certificate,
which led me to the hall of records,
which then led me to
some forced necking
with a clerk named Shelley.
Sadly, it was a dead end.
So Gary got it for me.
His sister's a psychic for the police.
So are you gonna call your dad
after all that hard work Han and I did
to find his number?
I don't know.
This is a huge decision,
and I really want
to think this through.
Max, I think that's a really smart
and mature decis
Thought about it.
Okay, we're missing
two bottles of tequila,
but I did find a bloody knife,
so that's a wrap on inventory.
Oh, thank God.
I've been killing myself
with all this paperwork.
It took me 30 minutes to make this hat.
Max, I know what's
really going on here.
You're trying to hide
it by doing origami,
but you're really thinking
about contacting your dad.
Uh, actually, I was thinking
about where I left my bloody knife,
but you solved that mystery.
So now I'm thinking about wrestling.
Wrestling with your emotions?
No, with Jeremy Piven.
Short arms.
I can take him.
Well, in the off-chance you do
want to contact your father,
I used my amazing jigsaw puzzle talents
to put his number back together.
I was runner-up in Jigsaw Palooza 2003.
Oh, thank God.
Thank you, Caroline
for letting me rip this up again.
You know, I hate to say this,
but Han's not wrong.
How dare you?
Let me finish.
Maybe you do have some intimacy issues.
I mean, you haven't really
dated anyone since Randy,
and I still don't have a
key to our apartment.
I gave you that screwdriver.
It works.
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