Previously on Desperate Housewives Nora looked for trouble and found it You will never again see my husband.
Julie got to know Edie's nephew She couldn't take her eyes off my abs.
I felt violated.
Susan and Ian made plans I'd love to go to France someday.
Would you like to go next month? Gabrielle and Carlos reunited It's been a long time.
And dinner with the Bigsbys That's the police report that Alma filed after Orson hit her.
Was full of surprises.
Look, I'm going through something.
I had an affair.
FRIDAY It was supposed to be an ordinary day for Carolyn Bigsby.
She had planned to bake her husband a strudel, give her dog a bath and water her african violets.
Yes, Carolyn had planned to do all sorts of things she thought mattered.
But earlier that day, a woman who wasn't her friend told Carolyn something she wasn't supposed to hear.
From that moment on, Carolyn felt nothing really mattered anymore.
Hello, Carolyn.
Yeah, hey, how are you? Carolyn? What are you doing here? I've been thinking, Harvey, that if you loved this Monique woman so much, maybe you should be with her.
For God sakes, Carolyn, she's dead.
Yeah, I know.
Yes, Carolyn Bigsby had planned on it being an ordinary day Harvey! You come out of there, damn it! But as every housewife knows Down.
Nobody goes anywhere.
Plans change.
THE NIGHT BEFORE Lynette Scavo had a dream last night.
It was one she'd had many times before.
She dreamt of the last time she saw me and of the last time we spoke.
Hey! Mary Alice, are you okay? Yes, thank you.
I'm fine.
Okay.
See you later.
It was still hard for Lynette to accept that this unremarkable exchange had been our last.
Or that moments later, I would enter my house, and put a bullet through my brain.
FRIDAY MORNING I had the Mary Alice dream again last night.
Oh, hon, again? I haven't had it for months.
I don't know why it came back.
Well, somebody just bought her old house.
Maybe that triggered something.
It was awful, as always.
I saw she was in pain, and I just walked away and There was nothing you could do.
And that's what I did, nothing.
Hey, is that the new neighbor? -Oh, he's cute! -Edie said he's a bachelor Keep talking.
Who lives with his invalid sister.
You can stop now.
Should we go introduce ourselves? Yeah, let's give him the scoop on the neighborhood.
Do you think he knows Mary Alice shot herself in his living room? Then again, he probably wants some time to unpack.
Orson? If you have a moment, there's something I'd like your thoughts on.
C ertainly.
What is it? The menu for our holiday open house? No, it's the police report from the night you beat your first wife.
I'm still working on the menu.
I assure you, I did not beat my wife.
She suffered these injuries in a fall.
Oh, how did she fall? I pushed her.
It was self-defense.
She attacked me.
Why would she attack you? She spilled some red wine on a white tablecloth.
She was trying to clean it up with dish soap.
When I pointed out her mistake, she started screaming, "Shut up, shut up!" And striking me repeatedly with a sauté pan.
Well, look The police dropped the charges.
Where did you get this? Carolyn.
Well, of course.
Who else? If she paid this much attention to her own marriage, maybe Harvey wouldn't have cheated on her.
Harvey cheated? Yes, with some flight attendant named Monique.
Darling, I could never strike a woman.
Well, you do believe me, don't you? All right, I accept your explanation.
I just wish there were fewer things for you to explain.
By the way, to remove a red wine stain, you sprinkle salt to absorb it.
That's just what I was saying to Alma when she clocked me.
Whoa, what fresh hell is this? -Hey, Tom -Whoa! Whoa, whoa! You have stepped onto my property, and you've talked to Tom.
That's two rules you've broken, and I'm not sure that top doesn't make three.
Would you tell your lunatic wife I'm not talking to her? You're the lunatic if you think I'm letting you anywhere -near my husband.
-Just drop Kayla off and go.
Kayla won't be visiting today.
We're moving.
And here's where you can send the child support.
Mexico? An old friend of mine got me a sweet job dancing at a nightclub in Tijuana.
Great, and you're taking Kayla? Thank your wife.
She's been itching to get rid of us ever since we got here.
She finally got her way.
Wave bye-bye to your Daddy, honey.
Nora, can't can't we just talk about this? Oh, we're not allowed to talk.
Remember? She's Tom's daughter.
You can't just take her out of the country.
Watch me.
Does either party have anything to add before I rulon the division of assets and alimony? No, we're confident that your ruling will reflect the pain and suffering endured by my client.
Your honor, does the definition of "suffering" encompass the seduction of my client four days ago? Excuse me? She thought he was coming into some money and hoped to stall the divorce until she could claim her share.
How dare you! That is a vicious lie.
Oh, Carlos, give it to me! Carlos! Yes! Yes! Carlos You recorded our lovemaking? It's all right here, your honor.
When she climaxes, she actually starts screaming out dollar amounts.
Mrs.
Solis Would you like to respond? As a matter of fact, I do have a few thoughts.
Carlos, you're a dead man! Do you hear me? Oh, the ruling seems fair to me.
You get the house.
I just get everything in it.
I said dead! No alimony.
That's a drag.
But, hey, you like to work, right? Come on, just give me one clean shot at him.
I'm willing to do the time! Mom, I was packing your suitcase, and you're totally out of toothpaste.
Do you want me to go to the store and get some? What is this? Oh, um, it was Austin's, okay? Edie's nephew? Since when are you friends with him? Uh, we are not friends.
I was tutoring him, he brought beer, I told him to throw it out, and he did.
End of story.
Did you have any? Oh, I cannot believe your timing.
I'm about to fly off to Paris, and you're inviting boys over for oktoberfest.
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