Previously on Desperate Housewives Can we start over? It was a surprising day for the women of wisteria lane.
Well, I was wondering If you might want to have dinner with me.
Okay.
He's giving her orgasms?! Ah! Not deliberately.
I can see we're going to be great friends.
You are a vibrant, attractive woman, you-- Who hasn't had sex in two years.
That spells "grandma" to me.
Let me come stay with you when I get outta here.
This guy thinks I'm out of commission, And I want to keep it that way.
What's wrong with you? You've been antsy all night.
I think I left the freezer door at scavo's open But it was an even more surprising night Crap! It's my dad! For the scavos.
Where is she? Don't.
She isn't wearing anything, all right? Who is she? Just some girl from english class.
I'm gonna go in the bathroom.
You got 60 seconds to get her out of here.
That same night Five minutes later There was a slight misunderstanding In the scavo house that night.
You see, someone in the family Was having an affair with a married wom, And lynette scavo suspected her husband.
False alarm.
The freezer was shut tight.
Unfortunately for lynette, she was wrong.
Liar.
What? I always knew things could change between us, tom, But no matter what, The one thing I always thought I'd get is your respect.
Lynette, what's going on? I followed you to the warehouse.
I know everything.
Oh, boy.
Yeah, at this point, I think I'm gonna need a little bit more than that.
You're right.
I shouldn't have kept this from you.
And You know, for what it's worth, I wanted to bring you in on it.
Huh? But I was afraid you'd overreact.
That's what you were afraid of? Hey, I'm upset, too.
But let's face it.
Boys will be boys.
I think I have to sit down now.
Lynette, are you really surprised? It's not the first time this has happened.
And it definitely won't be the last.
You know what? I have to kill you now.
Well, he's your son, too.
Who? Porter! What are you talking about? I found out Porter's been hooking up with some girl at our warehouse.
What are you talking about? And just like that, The slight misunderstanding in the scavo house had ended Hey.
What's up? You're having sex with your best friend's mother?! And a huge family crisis Had begun.
DesireIt's an emotion designed to lead us astray, Causing us to buy things we can't afford Encouraging us to sample desserts We don't need And pushing us into love affairs We're clearly not ready for.
I want you to call that woman And tell her you are never seeing her again.
Her name is anne.
Her name is mrs.
Schilling.
She was your t-ball coach when you were 6.
By the way, does your best friend know You're sleeping with his mother? We're keeping our relationship from kirby for now.
This isn't a relationship.
You are being used by this woman.
No, I'm not.
I love her.
Okay, that's it.
I'm calling her.
No.
Hey! What if her husband answers? Gee, porter.
That's just one of the pitfalls of dating a married woman.
Listen to me! Mr.
Schilling can't find out.
He--he's totally violent.
He--he would kill her.
Well, then you have put her in a very dangerous position, Haven't you? Okay.
I'll call her.
I'll tell her it's over.
I'm not going to say that you know.
That'll just freak her out.
But you have to promise me That you won't say anything to her psycho husband.
I am not promising anything.
So help me, if I find out That you do something, and she gets hurt, I will leave this house and I will never Come back! Oh, please! You would never do that Yeah? Well, i-i've done a lot of things You never thought I would do.
Wait.
We won't say anything.
But if you don't end this, you won't have to leave.
We will throw you out.
So You wanted to see me? Sit.
Tell us, charlie Have you enjoyed working here at mrs.
Van de kamp's? Yeah.
It's great.
You don't feel you've been underpaid? No.
Well, then perhaps you can explain Why you stole $200 from the petty cash box yesterday.
What? I didn't steal anything.
Charlie, we wouldn't accuse you unless we had concrete evidence, And thanks to my diligent partner here, we do.
So am i, like Fired? You're more than "like" fired.
You're fired.
And, of course, we want our money back.
Uh, I don't have have it.
I spent it.
Well, then I suggest you return your purchase.
Do you have a receipt? Yeah.
Yeah, like pot dealers give receipts.
Well, you've just covered yourself in glory on this one.
Just Please, don't tell my parents.
I'll get you the money.
I promise.
Can you believe it? A thief and a pothead! Well, at least we know now Where the 2 pounds of cookie dough went.
Too many? Yeah.
I gotta have one more.
Ah! Thank you for doing this.
Ah, well We needed to wipe the slate clean, right? Mm.
And honestly? This is the best second first date I've ever had.
Isn't it? And knowing we're not gonna have sex Takes all the pressure off.
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