Previously on Desperate Housewives.
Orson's blackmailing me to stay with him.
To escape her marriage Lamar Benjamin? You know my husband Orson from the state penitentiary.
Bree arranged her own blackmail.
I don't want to fight anymore.
While a friendship hit the rocks.
Lynette, you wanted to sue us.
That proves that you are not my friend.
- Oh, my God.
- All right, calm down, all right? I'm not an idiot.
I used a pre-paid.
There's no way they're ever going to find us.
I killed a man.
A desperate act Danny? No, no, no, no, no! led to a revelation.
Would you like some juice, Danny? My name's Tyler.
The whole time I was with you, all I thought about was Susan.
And a revelation If you mean it, then please kill me.
I don't care enough about you to kill you.
led to a desperate act.
I need an ambulance right away.
I'm losing a lot of blood.
Daphne Bicks was an unhappy woman, and no one knew this better than her husband.
That's why he hired her to work with him.
He thought it might cheer her up.
But sadly, Jeff Bicks soon discovered that it would take a lot more than a job This coffee's cold.
to keep his wife from complaining.
She complained from the moment they got up in the morning Well, another sleepless night, thanks to your snoring.
till they were on their way home at the end of the day.
You want to see if you can hit all the red lights? Things had gotten so bad, Jeff Bicks began to wonder when God would end his suffering.
Luckily for Jeff, God had a plan.
You're unbelievable.
You are so cheap.
It's frigging Christmas, for God's sake.
I'm not buying you a new car.
Tricia Reed's husband got her a new car, and it wasn't even a holiday.
He bought it for her because she beat cancer.
You beat cancer, I'll buy you a car.
Don't beat it, I'll buy you two.
- Why are we even together? - The hot sex.
You're cheap, rude, you lack ambition.
I should just dump your sorry ass.
You want a gift? You want a gift? How about a divorce? Don't tempt me.
I'm serious.
I already got the name of a divorce attorney.
You want a divorce? You got it.
Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus, and he's giving me my balls back! Correction.
One of them.
I get half of everything.
But not the business.
I started that.
With my father's money, so I get half, and I'm selling it.
- Wait a minute.
Let's talk about this.
- Oh, so now you're scared? You'd be that vindictive? Destroy the one thing I love out of spite? Hello, have we met? Of course I would.
And I'm not stopping there.
Bank accounts, pension funds Ooh, I'm gonna ruin you! - What's the matter? - I can't breathe.
Nice try.
Big faker.
No, my chest hurts like hell! Take the controls.
- What? - You gotta land the plane.
What? No! You piece of crap! You can't do this to me! And that is how the unhappy marriage of Jeff and Daphne Bicks ended.
In a plane losing altitude, right above a cul-de-sac Hey, is it just me, or is that plane flying really low? by the name of Wisteria Lane.
Dad, I think it's gonna crash.
The best Christmas ever.
That's what the residents of Wisteria Lane were dreaming of, as they prepared for their annual yuletide festival.
So they hung up a banner, brought out their candy canes, and put up Santa's Workshop, as eager as children for the holiday to begin.
Of course, some were more childish than others.
Look at this mess.
It's like Santa's colon.
That's funny.
Did you hear that? Hilarious.
Almost as funny as when Orson said it last year.
Okay, how about some Christmas music? Parker, you got that sound system fixed? Almost.
Do we really want the kid working with electricity? He can't even get the newspaper on my porch.
You're clumping.
- Hey, what is going on with you two? - I don't want to get into it.
Well, whatever it is, you need to work it out.
We are caroling at the festival on Saturday, and we can't have two of our Jingle Belles fighting.
You know, if you need a replacement, I've been told that I have a dusky alto.
No way.
Girls only.
We're the Jingle Belles, not the Jingle Balls.
Shouldn't you be out stealing the last can of Who hash? You want to see me go all Grinch on your ass? To be honest, Bree, I don't think I'm gonna be able to sing with Lynette after she was After she what? Are you about to trash me? I have way too much class to trash you, no matter how much you deserve it.
Merry Christmas to me.
What did she do? - She's suing Carlos.
- You're suing him? - Because he fired me.
- He fired her? Because she lied about being pregnant.
- You're pregnant? - With twins.
- You knew? - I told her to keep it quiet.
- Congratulations.
- Sure, take her side.
- She's not! - Stop fighting.
I mean, with all we've been through lately.
Julie being attacked, Danny Bolen's overdose.
We really need some Christmas spirit around here.
Susan's right.
This is the time we should come together and celebrate peace on earth and good will towards men, and Crap.
Who's dead now? - Hey, what's going on? - Something's happened to Katherine.
Oh, my God.
I was just there five minutes ago.
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