'8 out of 10 cats' does 'deal or no deal'(2013)【完整台词】

Oh!

What if we just don't answer.

He'll just go, won't he?

He anticipated that you would

refuse to answer the telephone.

How do we know?

So he hired himself an assistant.

Yes, like a real man.

Send someone else to do it.

Ladies and gentlemen, it's Joe

Wilkinson, the banker's assistant.

APPLAUSE

Joe, how did you get this job?

I was at the Jobcentre this morning

and they said, did I

want to be a banker's assistant?

I went "No."

But they mentioned a little someone

was going to be on the show,

Susie Dent,

and we've got a bit of history.

From Countdown, you know.

Lovers, I'll say the word.

LAUGHTER

Susie, is that true?

Yes, it's true.

We walked off into the sunset

after one Mash Up

and now I'm going out

with the banker's assistant.

Lucky cow.

LAUGHTER

Landed on her feet.

Imagine having you on tap!

24/7!

Are you hoping to get promoted

within this world of banking?

Yeah, yeah, I'd love that.

Yeah, I'm good at numbers.

Give us a number, give us a number.

Heard of that.

LAUGHTER

PHONE RINGS

I'll get this.

LAUGHTER

Hello.

Oh, hello, Mum.

If you don't mind,

I gave my mum my work number.

LAUGHTER

No, no, I've got a job.

Deal Or No Deal.

Eh, it's all right.

No, no, Noel's not here. No.

Jimmy Carr's hosting it.

Yeah, that is a shame.

LAUGHTER

Eh?

What do I want for tea?

Erm, chicken Kiev.

Er, peas and chips.

All right, beans, it's fine.

LAUGHTER

Dunno, about half-ten?

Oh, don't start!

Why you being like this?

Yeah, all right. Yeah, I love you.

(Yeah, I love you too.)

LAUGHTER

Sends her love.

I presume that's the letter.

I thought it was a birthday card.

He's going to have dropped it

and it's going to be about 2,500,

knowing that dick.

LAUGHTER

The last offer was 6,500.

Second offer is 7,800.

(GASPS) Is that better?

APPLAUSE

That is better, yeah.

You thought he'd go down,

he's gone up.

Can I nip off? I want to have a fag.

Yeah, Joe Wilkinson, everyone.

Give it up for Joe.

CHEERING

7,800.

Are you tempted to...?

No.

Yes.

You choose.

Well, you see, you get distracted

by the top two, don't you?

You think, while they're there...

but if they go, we're knackered.

Rachel Riley, what do you think?

You're good with numbers.

I think they're laying the

groundwork for an all-blue round.

Loads of blues left.

How lucky are they feeling?

The 1p kiss is still out there.

Yeah, but it could be you,

could be John Fothergill.

LAUGHTER

I don't think we can deal when

we've got four of the big five.

I think we should show strength.

Yes.

7,800.

Deal or no deal?

No-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o...

oh-h-h-h-h-h...

oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!

Oh!

LAUGHTER

Deal.

CHEERING

We've got three boxes to open. Sean?

I was tempted to go with John.

All right then.

You think John Fothergill?

You've known Sean for how long?

I was his first wife.

LAUGHTER

It was on the rigs, Jimmy, it was

on the rigs. They were dark days!

I think there's a tenner in here.

CHEERING

It's the 1p kiss, everyone.

(COUGHS)

The 1p is gone.

I don't care whether we win any

money, this show's changed my life!

I want more of that.

OK, you've got two more

boxes to open.

That man, number 4.

He's let me down...

LAUGHTER

..so many times.

Again and again and again.

He's never come through.

Well, I feel quite good about that.

OK, so you've had the perfect

start to this round.

1p has gone,

let's see if you can keep it up.

OK, Dave, open that box 4.

LAUGHTER

Pow!

GROANING

Let you down again!

Oh...!

LAUGHTER

How are you feeling?

Fu... Sh...

Not...

Well, I'm not surprised. Dave does

this again and again and again.

So, that 100,000 is looking

pretty lonely there now.

(MIA) I think you've got to be

a bit more positive.

It's like, you've still got

the 100 grand.

Still got three big ones.

Loads of blues left, get a bit

of positivity, then get a blue next.

CHEERING

Yeah, Jon!

Jon, is there a way you could turn

this into the most important bit

of tidying up you've ever done?

Interesting.

So you have to tidy up the blues

and leave it with 100 grand just

sat on the living room table.

(KATHERINE) I agree. Down with