小鬼当家 Home Alone (1990)【完整台词】

He's giving us all this trip to Paris for
holidays, so we can be together.

You're taking a trip to Paris? Yes,
we hope to leave tomorrow morning.

Excellent. Excellent.

If you'll excuse me, this one's
out of sorts. I'll be right back.

Don't worry about me.
I spoke to your husband already.

And don't worry
about your home.

It's in good hands.

There are 15 people in this house. You're
the only one who has to make trouble.

I'm the only one getting dumped on.
You're the only one acting up.

Now get upstairs.
I am upstairs, dummy.

The third floor?
Go.

It's scary up there. Don't be silly.
Fuller will be up in a little while.

I don't want to sleep with Fuller.
You know about him. He wets the bed.

He'll pee all over me.
I know it.

Fine. We'll put him
somewhere else.

I'm sorry.

It's too late.
Get upstairs.

Everyone in this family hates me.

Then maybe you should ask
Santa for a new family.

I don't want a new family!
I don't want any family! Families suck!

Stay up there. I don't want to see
you again for the rest of the night.

I don't want to see you
again for the rest of my life.

And I don't want to see
anybody else either.

I hope you don't mean that.

You'd feel pretty sad if you woke up tomorrow
morning and you didn't have a family.

No, I wouldn't.
Then say it again.

Maybe it'll happen. I hope I
never see any of you jerks again.

I wish they would all just disappear.

[WINDOW SHUTTERS RATTLING]

[BEEPS]

[KNOCKING]

Where are they? I don't
know. She said 8:00 sharp.

[DOORBELL RINGING]

Peter!

We slept in!

[ALL HUSTLING]

Hi. I'm Mitch Murphy.
I live across the street.

You guys going out of town?
We're going to Orlando, Florida.

Well, actually, first we're going
to Missouri to pick up my grandma.

Do you know the McCallisters
are going to France?

Do you know if it's cold there?
Do these vans get good gas mileage?

Gee, kid, I don't know.
Hit the road.

[RUSHING CONTINUES]

Heather, do a head count.
Make sure everyone's in the vans.

Where are the passports
and tickets?

I put 'em in the microwave
to dry 'em off.

How fast does this thing go?

Does it have automatic transmission?
Does it have four-wheel drive?

Look, I told you before, kid,
don't bother me. Now beat it.

Come on. Hurry up.

Line up in front of the van.
Did you take my batteries?

Line up and shut up!
Wow!

Shut up. I gotta
take a head count.

One, two, three, four, five.
11, 92, 12.

Buzz, don't be a moron.

Six, seven, eight...

9, 10, 11.

Okay. Half in this van, half in
this van. Come on. Let's go.

Have a good trip.

Bring me back something French.

There's no way on earth we're gonna
make this plane. It leaves in 45 minutes.

Think positive, Frank.
You be positive. I'll be realistic.

Ma'am? Ma'am?
Excuse me. What?

I just wanted to let you that
know your power's fixed.

But phone lines are a mess. It's gonna take
Ma Bell a couple of days to patch 'em up.

Especially around the holidays.
Okay, thanks.

Heather! Did you count heads?
Eleven, including me.

Five boys, six girls, four parents, two
drivers and a partridge in a pear tree.

♪♪ [ROCK AND ROLL]

♪♪ [MAN SINGING]

[CHATTERING]

♪♪ [SINGING CONTINUES]

This way!

Hold the plane!
Did we miss the flight?

No, you just made it.

Single seats only in coach. Take
whatever's free. Thank you.

I get a window seat!

You kids are in coach.
We're up here.

Here are your seats. Five "A"and "B"
and four "A"and "B. "

I'll take your coats.
Thank you.

Fasten your seat belts,
please.

Champagne, please. It's free,
isn't it? Oh, yes.

We made it.
Do you believe it?

Hope we didn't forget anything.

What are you doing
out of costume?

Now get back and get dressed.

I'm terribly sorry. I thought
you were our Santa Claus.

Your Santa Claus is intoxicated.

Oh, no.
Yes.

It's disgraceful!
How can you allow a man...

[MAN SINGING DRUNKENLY]

Stop that. What do you mean by
drinking? You know it's not allowed!

But it's cold. A man's gotta
do something to keep warm.

I warm you.I ought to
take this cane and...

Somebody, Julia, get some black
coffee and plenty of it. Yes, of course.

Black with a little cream.

Mom?

Thank you.

That's real crystal. It's real.
Yeah. So?

Put 'em in your purse. Put 'em!
Put 'em! I can't do that. Just...

Put them in your purse!

Yeah, fill it up.
Fill it up, please.

Thank you.

Don't you feel like a heel flying first
class with all the kids back in coach?

No, the kids are fine.

The only flying I ever did as a kid was in the
family station wagon and it wasn't to France.

We used to have to go around to
Aunt Laura and Uncle Arthur's house.

The kids are okay. They're
having the time of their lives.

Yeah.

Hello?

Mom?

Dad?

Mom? Dad?

Where are you guys?

Buzz?

Buzz?

Buzz?

Megan?

Hello? Hello?

Rod? Uncle Frank?

Uncle Frank, is this a joke?

Megan? Linnie?

Is this a joke?

[GROWLING]

[GASPS]

It's only my imagination.
Only my imagination.

The cars are still here.
They didn't go to the airport.

I made my family disappear.

Kevin, you're completely helpless.

You know, Kevin, you're what
the French call les incompetents.

Kevin, I'm going to feed
you to my tarantula.

Kevin, you are such a disease.

There are 15 people
in this house...

and you're the only one
who has to make trouble.

Look what you did,
you little jerk.

I made my family disappear.

♪♪ [ROCK AND ROLL]