Uh
I don't actually drink tequila.
Do
you mind getting me something else?
Yeah, no.
Uh, yeah,
what, uh Jager bomb?
Jager bomb it is.
I'll get that.
Since when do you not like tequila?
I'm negging him.
All part of the strat.
This is fun.
- Well, this place is wicked!
- Yeah.
Heard some of the girls
talking about it at work.
And apparently, they
serve a cocktail here
that's, like, got an
actual goldfish in it.
- Sick.
- Yeah.
(NERVOUS LAUGH) I'm having
such a fun night.
- Really?
- Mmm-hmm
Oh, God.
I was so nervous
when I asked you out.
I've never really been out with
one of the office girls before.
They don't really talk to me.
Just give me dirty looks when I'm
replacing their printer paper.
- Oh, my God.
- What?
Sorry, I've just, like (STUTTERING)
I've just bitten my tongue.
Sorry (BOTH LAUGH NERVOUSLY)
Carry on.
- So you guys met at the drugs thing?
- Eve.
Oh sorry, sorry.
Is that
supposed to be a secret?
No, the name "narcotics
anonymous" is just ironic.
ROBYN: Why don't we talk
about something else?
Tom, what's your story?
My story?
Banker, lost loads of money,
couldn't hack it?
Not quite.
I was a dancer at English
National Ballet for eleven years.
I started taking the coke to keep
my energy up.
Keep the weight off.
Then I busted my ankle.
Couldn't
dance anymore, so left the company,
but I didn't leave the coke.
And it
got to the stage where I realized,
I needed to stop doing it, 'cause
it turned me into a massive dick.
So you're a ballet dancer.
That's hilarious.
I knew you had a bit of gay in you.
Speaking of which, I'm going for a fag.
- Anyone else?
- No thanks, I'm good.
You see, you're not what
I imaged a PR girl to be.
She's exactly what
I imagined a PR girl to be.
She's all right underneath.
She's just nervous.
Oi, you! I want tequila.
It makes me happy.
The thing is I get so
nervous, and all this
crazy stuff comes out,
'cause I'm freaking out
and my mouth just starts,
you know, chat, chat, chatting.
Oh, my God.
What? Bite your tongue again?
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
Wow.
I'm sorry.
Um Would you like
to go somewhere else?
Sounds great.
Great.
This is Kelly.
She's so clever.
(PHONE BUZZING)
She's awesome.
- Hey.
- It's me.
Have you seen The Guardian online?
(CLUB MUSIC PLAYING)
Congratulations.
You just
reversed back up a cliff.
Yeah, it's a bit like
when I had that colonoscopy.
I know I should have thanked the doctor,
but all I wanted to do
was punch him in the face.
You're welcome, Dan.
"Middle-aged comedian.
"
172,000 words in the English language,
and that's my adjective? Is that
We'll speak soon.
Hey! No work tonight, please.
Okay, so if I told you I had some
coke in my bag, could I tempt you?
Boy, yeah, you could certainly tempt me.
I think that would be a strange thing
to do to recovering drug addict.
Drug addict?
Sounds exciting.
Really?
(SNIFFS SHARPLY)
(CHUCKLES) What are you doing?
Uh, what do you mean?
I don't know.
I can't figure out if you're
trying to be cool or sexy,
or if you're just a massive tit.
I mean, look at you,
you're wearing stockings.
This isn't Mad Men.
It's a Wednesday night.
Your underwear probably costs more
than a mini break to Budapest.
Don't get me wrong.
You look hot,
but Budapest is a beautiful city.
And as for this, do you
really think I care?
I stopped being impressed by
people taking drugs when I was 14.
A drunken goatman got so high he
started seeing ghosts in a kebab shop.
Shat his Fred Perry jeans.
Yes, okay?
I did a lot of cocaine.
No, I don't do it anymore.
Now, can we please move on
before I take one of your
stupidly high-heeled shoes
and stab myself in the eye
just to stop your banter?
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
I'm sorry.
That was a little bit
- I'll, uh, go.
- You have to come with me.
- What?
- Mmm.
Me.
Come with me.
Now.
- Just get in there.
- Right.
We're in here.
- What are you doing?
- (BREATHING HEAVILY)
(GRUNTS) Okay, now
(BOTH MOANING)
Ouch.
Ouch.
I want you to fuck me.
Okay.
Don't you want this?
And this
And this
(MOANING) Yeah.
Um
Why are you acting like you're
in a chocolate mousse advert?
(MOANS) I want you to destroy me.
Okay.
I mean, that sounds great though.
- We're in a disabled toilet.
- I know.
Look, there's a bar on the wall for
people getting in and
out of wheelchairs.
- Wheelchairs.
- It's one of those pulley things
- for if you have an accident.
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