Yeah, now, you're thinking
of Borneo there, sweetheart?
Brooke, you write a daily blog,
you're a dropped pin.
Jennifer Aniston had a nose job
to fix her sinus issues.
There was a girl at my school
with similar sinus issues.
She's got lovely little
button sinuses now.
Whatever we say, people are
gonna know it's bullshit,
so we at least need to stick it on
the blender and give them a straw.
- (CUPS CLATTERING)
- You fucking tit.
So sorry.
So sorry.
Just get a towel before
it stains my leather.
Jesus.
It's like being married to a scarecrow
with learning disabilities.
I think there might be something.
But I would never do that.
- I I I don't have that in me.
- Of course, you do, darling.
Look, we'll say
it was a heated exchange,
you'll accept a police caution
and it won't go on your record.
Brooke plays the dignified victim.
You apologize, you
enroll yourself in rehab
One with a nice golf course.
And then out you come
clean as a whistle.
Everyone loves a reformed character.
You could write that book.
That one that you've always talked
about.
The one about the Vikings.
What about our friends?
I couldn't bear it if they ever
thought that I would hurt you.
- They'd understand.
- EVE: I'll be honest with you, Jeremy.
I think this would do you good.
- Give you an edge.
- An edge?
This is my career.
Just
What about
- What about my career?
- You teach English to six-year-olds.
- You're hardly Elon Musk.
- My point is
What kind of example does that set?
Come on, Jer, this is
an inner city state school.
It's not as if those
kids wouldn't have seen
someone beat up their wife before.
What about Tim and Rebecca? Hmm?
They have a tough enough time
at school as it is.
They'll have an even tougher
time if we'd have to take them out
of that school because
we can't afford the fees.
Or maybe you think we should
just enroll them
into your school
with all the Polish kids.
What is wrong with Polish kids?
Look, I know this seems bad,
but any other excuse
and the journalists, they can
see straight through it,
and they will tear her apart.
Don't get me wrong.
They're gonna
This is bollocks, too.
But what can they do?
They can't exactly accuse a woman
who's just been beaten up by her husband
of lying, can they?
(SARCASTICALLY) Oh, no.
Who would
do a thing like that?
Which is exactly why
it's such a clever idea.
(SOBS) Sorry.
Sorry, it's just
People will think
I'm such a fucking hypocrite.
(SNIFFLING)
Jeremy It's the lies
that make a relationship work.
Not the truth.
Or we can take the hit.
See where the chips fall.
I can call the hot tub people right now
and see if they can stop the payment.
(CAMERAS CLICKING) I regret to
admit that I have been drinking,
and I struck Brooke with an open palm.
It is something I'm bitterly
ashamed of and I'm committed
to getting help for my alcohol
and anger issues
Words cannot express
how sorry and saddened I am
over what transpired.
I'm seeking the counseling
of my therapist,
my mother and other loved ones,
and I am committed with
Not getting involved in the bug fight?
I got someone filming it.
Sure I can guess the gist.
Very clever.
How the hell did
you get to go along with that?
Threatened to take away their toys.
Is she crying?
Or is that smile?
from the bottom of my heart
I call it solemn poise.
WOMAN: Why do you do it?
Let these people get away
with whatever they like?
I'm helping them.
Oh, really? You think
this is helping anyone?
You do what you do
for the same reason I do what I do
Power.
You like controlling the agenda.
You look tired.
- Sweet of you to say it.
- I'm serious.
I know how hard you can go, Rob.
Just be careful
you don't run out of track.
Thanks for your concern.
You really hate yourself
around me, don't you?
Anyway, kudos.
Call me if she's giving
interview you as well.
Just call me.
(BROOKE'S HUBBY BATTLES DEMONS)
(BROOKE LOVE-WELLS ACCEPTS
APOLOGY FROM SHAMEFUL HUSBAND)
Right.
Let's get fucked
with fizz and oysters.
I'm buying.
I should probably go home and
smooth things out with the missus.
Wow.
That sounds exciting.
Can I come too?
Or we do what I said.
Tom's coming out.
He'd love to see you.
What's up with your new BFF?
Ask her.
You coming?
- Hmm?
- There are four rules in this business.
And one of them is never
turn down a free drink.
- What are the other three?
- I forget.
- Why are you sulking?
- I'm not sulking.
You're definitely sulking.
I'm not sulking.
Fair enough.
Today was weird.
There's one thing
all human beings share,
and that is the capacity to disappoint.
- Do you wanna stay here?
- Absolutely.
Then you need to give fewer fucks.
Look, I know you don't like
me but you like Robyn.
And you know
why she's as good as she is?
'Cause under everything, she's granite.
It's a game, babe.
Beat the dots.
Dodge the ghosts.
All right.
Let's go.
- Well
- What?
You're coming to get drunk
with us or not?
Okay.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
All right there, Billy?
Ladies, nice to see you all.
Nice to see you.
MELODY: Oh, my God,
you guys are so cute!
If you ever call me cute again, I
will punch you so hard in the vagina,
I'll turn you into a glove puppet.
- God! Look out.
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