1
(DINGS)
PILOT: Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome aboard this flight 1506
from London, Heathrow, to JFK, New York.
Currently third in line for takeoff,
we're expected to be in the air
in approximately ten minutes.
Excuse me, do you mind
Please turn off all
personal electronic devices,
including laptops and mobile phones.
Smoking is prohibited.
WOMAN 1: It is It definitely is.
WOMAN 2: So, what were
you supposed to do?
The poor man paid for business class
so he didn't have to have dickheads
like us coming up to him
and ruining his journey.
Oh, he won't mind.
Surely, it's nice when people come
up to you and say nice things.
It's annoying.
Why is it annoying?
I wouldn't find it annoying.
Who's going to come up to
you and say nice things?
I don't know, but if they did,
I wouldn't find it annoying.
- It's probably not even him.
- It's definitely him.
You can't say for definite.
It's probably just someone
who looks like him.
Look, his nose is different.
It's bigger.
Your nose gets bigger when you
get older.
Everyone knows that.
(SIGHS) It's definitely him.
What are you doing?
I'm gonna go and say hello.
- No, don't.
- Why?
Don't! Arabella!
Hi!
Hi, um, I'm really sorry to bother you.
I know this is really sad.
And
Are you Calvin Cooper?
I might be.
I'm gonna sound like such an idiot.
But my mum is a huge fan of yours!
She has all your films at home.
Your mom?
God, this is weird.
I don't normally do things like this,
and now I'm here, I don't
actually know what to say.
God, I sound like such a weirdo.
I'm sorry, it's just
Maybe you could sign something.
What would you like me to sign?
I don't know, I don't even have a pen.
Um, I haven't really
thought this through.
Tell you what?
Maybe once we get up in the air,
I'll let you suck me off
in the bathroom,
how's that sound?
Seatbelt sign's on.
Probably best get back to your seat.
I'll get you a photo.
- Mmm-hmm.
- Really?
Did you see the look on her face?
Jesus, Calvin.
Haven't you picked up a newspaper
in the past couple of years?
How many times do we need to go
through this? You can't say that shit.
You know, the amazing thing is, three
times out of ten, it actually works.
Used to be eight out of ten.
I don't know if that's
about me or society.
The march of progress.
Come on, lighten up.
She deserves it after pulling
that crap about her mom.
Cheeky little bitch.
- You should get some rest.
- Okay, Grandma.
Ah.
I should get a proper drink.
That's what I should get.
(CALL BELL RINGING)
Ruth please just let me know
where you're at.
Thinking of you.
Rx
Are you awake?
Just getting on a flight to
NYC, back in a few days,
maybe we can get a coffee.
Love you Rx.
Please call me back babe, I
just want to talk to you.
Rx
(GROANS)
Hi, can I have a drink, please?
Refreshments will be
available after takeoff.
We're in business class.
I'm sorry, as soon
as we're in the air
Do you recognize me?
Excuse me?
I'm sorry, I don't wanna
I don't wanna make a scene,
but I fly a lot on your airline.
And I drop 2.
5k
to travel business class on this flight
which I am taking to collect
a humanitarian award
for all the charity work that I do.
I don't want to toot my own horn,
but I'm an important person
and I know a lot of
other important people.
So, uh, Janet,
if you could find it in
your heart to hook me up,
I am a nervous flier,
and I would just like a small
drink to settle me down.
I don't need a glass.
Just slip me a couple of
miniature JDs, we'll be golden.
Thanks.
Fucking trolley dollies.
(CHUCKLES)
I'm sorry, did you want one?
No, I'm good.
(GROANS)
Just cheap bastards, aren't they?
Couldn't pony up for first
class, I mean, look at this.
It's not the way it used to be.
The way they squeeze you in.
Any prick in a suit flies business.
It's not like the old days,
you had to be someone.
(PHONE CHIMES)
Sam: Safe flight, text
me when you land x
Is that your man?
Yup.
- You married?
- No.
- Kids?
- Not yet.
Still have time for me then, huh?
Wow.
(LAUGHS)
You don't like me, do you?
- What do you mean?
- Oh, come on.
I've had warmer conversations
with my ex-wife,
she's been dead for 11 years.
You just have to know how
to handle me, that's all.
Now what do you do? Do you draw straws?
- Excuse me?
- To see who gets stuck with old Cal?
Calvin, working with you
is always a pleasure.
Oh! (CHUCKLES)
You should work in PR.
You know, I'm not that bad.
I mean, I've been with
Caroline almost 20 years.
Okay.
I like to, you know,
push a button or two
and she sends me these
ditzy little posh girls
who nod at me like
Indian carpet salesmen
and have teeth like refrigerator doors,
but they've had their whole lifetime
you know, having it easy.
They deserve a tough time.
Once in a while, don't they?
I mean, if someone's gonna
let you push your luck,
you push your luck,
you know what I mean?
Yeah.
I do.
I mean, someone has to lie down in
order for you to walk all over 'em.
Don't worry, Calvin.
I won't be lying down.
Well, that's a shame.
So what's your story?
Yeah, you didn't ride in from
Knightsbridge on your pony?
No, I did not.
Um
South African mom, American dad,
grew up in Philadelphia.
I had an aunt from Philadelphia.
Tough broad.
The kind of woman you'd send
in to break up a prison riot.
Sounds like my kinda lady.
You're a peach.
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