Oh! Good morning, Dr Crane.
Not a morning person, are we? Never you mind - I am.
A good health care provider is up with the cock.
I've taken your father for his morning constitutional.
A remarkable man.
I see why you'd want him to live here.
Not many sons would do that, not without getting paid.
Coffee's made and I took the liberty of doing a shop.
They don't serve tripe in Seattle, do they? And you are? Daphne.
Daphne Moon.
I moved in yesterday.
You hired me to look after your father.
Sorry.
I'm not myself until I've shaved and showered.
I understand about one's morning ablutions.
I can't stand meself before I floss all that gunk out of me teeth.
Miss Moon Keep your ablutions on a need-to-know basis.
Thank you.
Now my coffee.
The half-and-half's curdled and the garbage disposal's jammed.
- Good morning to you too.
- Morning was two hours ago.
And close that barn door.
We got a lady in the house now.
This isn't my coffee.
Where's my finely ground Kenya blend? That's it.
Daphne put an eggshell and some allspice in it.
And didn't that just dress it up.
I like it.
Gives it a zing.
Now, sit down.
Breakfast is ready.
Dad, all I ever have is a bran muffin and a touch of yoghurt.
Girly food.
I fixed your breakfast.
I made eggs in a nest.
The Crane family specialty.
Fried eggs swimming in fat, served in a hollowed-out piece of white bread.
I can almost hear my left ventricle slamming shut as I speak.
You want cheese on that? No.
I'd like to leave some blood flow for the clot to go swiftly to my brain.
Can't have my coffee.
Can't have my breakfast.
Oh, dear God, it wasn't a dream.
I'll get him for this.
And his little dog too.
Where's my paper? Who stole my paper? Mrs Everly, you old bat, I know it's you! Yoo-hoo! It's right here.
We brought it in for you.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Where's the rubber band? This paper has been read.
Don't worry, we won't tell you what's in it.
That is not the point.
Dad, come and sit down, please.
You're going to give a speech, aren't you? Oh, that's right, I forgot.
You're psychic.
Yes.
But I think anyone could feel this one coming on.
Let us get something clear.
I'm not a morning person.
I have to ease into my day slowly.
First I have my coffee, sans eggshells or anything else one picks out of the garbage.
Then I have a low-fat, high-fibre breakfast.
Finally I sit down and read a crisp, new newspaper.
If I am robbed of the richness of my morning routine, I cannot function.
My radio show suffers and, like ripples in a pond, so do the many listeners that rely on my advice to help them in their lives.
I'm sorry if it sounds priggish, but I've grown comfortable with this part of myself.
It is the magic that is me.
Get used to it.
I know this is a stressful time.
It's new for all of us, but I'm sure that soon we'll all be getting along swimmingly.
- Six more weeks of winter, I see.
- Oh, dear God! Down, Eddie, down.
I said down.
Good boy, Eddie.
Just get down.
Good, good, Eddie.
Get down! Dad, I can't read my paper.
Eddie's staring at me.
Well, you do make quite a picture in the morning.
- Ignore him.
- I'm trying to.
I'm talking to the dog.
Don't even think about it! You're listening to Dr Frasier Crane.
Our topic today is intrusion, those who encroach on our sense of personal space.
The neighbour who plays his stereo too loud.
The person who sits next to you at the movies when there are 50 vacant seats.
Now let's return to our calls.
And let me remind you once more that our topic today is intrusion since so many of you seem to forget that! Dr Crane, Leonard from Everett is on line two.
Hello, Leonard.
I'm listening.
'Hi, Dr Crane.
I'm a little nervous, but here goes.
'Several years ago I became afraid of large, open spaces.
'Lf I went to the mall I'd break out in a cold sweat and have to run home.
' Yes, Leonard, and your comments on intrusion? 'Nothing.
But now I'm afraid to go outside at all.
'I haven't seen another person in eight months.
' It sounds like you may have a serious condition known as agoraphobia.
But you're not alone.
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