In the Greater Seattle area, the number is 555-KACL.
Lines are open.
Please give us a call.
Who's up next, Roz? Pam on line four has a family problem.
Hello, Pam.
This is Dr Frasier Crane.
I'm listening.
'Hi.
It's my in-laws.
'They drop over all the time without calling 'and expect us to stop and entertain them.
' They're your husband's parents.
What does he suggest? 'The other day he had us drop to the floor 'and stay quiet until they drove away.
' A creative approach, but hardly a long-term solution.
'I don't want to hurt their feelings.
' Either you risk hurting their feelings, or you spend the rest of your life diving for cover when they drop on by.
(Doorbell) 'Shh! They're here! ' Your in-laws? - 'Shh! Yes.
' - (Whispers) Then why don't you Oh, for Pete's sake! Just tell them how you feel.
'I will.
Next time.
I promise.
Thanks.
' As Pam belly-crawls across her living room let's take a moment for this message from Carpet Fresh.
How's that for a segue? It's not good to make rude gestures at other drivers.
He cut you off.
You should not antagonise a man whose bumper sticker says "If you're close enough to read this, I'll kill you.
" Big talk from a Volvo.
- You found yourself a new suit.
- It's a beaut.
- Let's have a look.
- I'll model it for you.
Nice of you to buy your father a new suit.
It didn't work out the way I'd planned but What are you doing? Fluffing your knickers.
If you don't mind my saying so, you're losing some of your elasticity.
I appreciate what you're doing, but a man's knickers are Ooh! How do you get them so soft? Fabric softener and twice in the fluff cycle.
Keep up the good work.
(Phone rings) Hello? Yes.
Oh, hi, Niles.
Of course you can come by.
Great.
I'll see you then.
Hi, Niles.
Thanks for calling first.
I heard your show today.
I wouldn't dream of popping by unannounced.
I was passing by and I've come to beg a favour.
My housekeeper Mary is a fan of your little radio programme.
What she lacks in taste, she makes up for in vigour.
She'd like an autographed photo.
It'd be my pleasure.
Daphne, this is my brother Niles.
- You're Daphne? - Yes, I am.
When Frasier told me he'd hired an English woman, I pictured someone a little more not quite so You're Daphne? Nice to meet you.
- Lovely accent.
Manchester? - How did you know? I'm quite the Anglophile.
I'm sure Frasier and Dad told you.
No.
I spent a year studying at Cambridge.
They didn't mention that either.
I guess they don't talk about me when I'm not around.
I wouldn't say that.
Niles, here's your picture.
Do you mind? "Mary, here's wishing you good mental health.
Frasier Crane.
" Fits like a glove.
Hi, Niles.
Hey, Dad Wow.
- How do I look? - Wow.
Dr Crane took your father to Armani.
That's Armani? I told you, Frasier.
He can't tell the difference.
We were on our way to Armani when Dad spotted this at a discount store.
It's sharkskin.
Look at the way it changes colour when I move my arm.
You'll be the handsomest gent at your friend's retirement party.
- Let's hang it up before it gets wrinkled.
- It's supposed to resist wrinkles.
They had one in the window wadded up inside a mayonnaise jar.
Frasier, is he our real father? We've been having this discussion since we were children.
But that suit! It's not just the suit.
It's his taste in everything - clothing, films, music.
Except our surname and strong calves we have nothing in common with him.
Thank goodness, we took after Mom.
Why didn't he acquire her sophistication? He was too busy working so we could have the nicer things.
Maybe we should pay him back in some way, expose him to the finer things so that he'd stop lumbering through life like some great polyester dinosaur.
Dad's so set in his ways.
We all are at some point.
You thought the 1812 Overture was great classical music.
Was I ever that young? You and I have to broaden Dad's horizons, show him the world that he's only read about in TV Guide.
- How about an evening of fine dining? - Perfect.
But where? Le Cigare Volant! Can we get in? I've been trying for months.
My name carries cachet in this town.
If the maitre d' happens to be a housewife, we're in.
Niles, you are so mean.
- I'll just call Information.
- No need.
I have it on speed dial.
Thank you.
Hello.
This is Dr Frasier Crane.
Yes.
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