Hello, Doug, this is Dr Frasier Crane.
I'm listening.
'Lt's about my mother.
She's getting on now and she hasn't much of a life.
'She doesn't want to do anything, go anywhere.
'She literally hangs around the house all day.
It is very frustrating.
' Can we go back for a second? You said your mother "literally" hangs around the house.
It's my pet peeve: You mean she figuratively hangs around the house.
To literally hang around the house you'd have to be a bat or a spider monkey.
- 'Can I tell you my pet peeve? ' - Sure.
'I hate intellectuals with superiority complexes who nitpick your grammar 'when you ask for help.
That's what I've got a problem with.
' I think what he means is, "that is a thing, with which he has a problem.
" It's time for a station break.
We'll be back after this message from "Pizza, Pizza, Pizza".
Wanna hear my pet peeve? You're in a store, the clerk is helping you and the phone rings.
So he starts taking care of them.
You go, "I came here in person, while some joker at home "in his underwear is getting first-rate service.
" Don't you hate that? Actually, I do most of my shopping by phone.
This got me thinking about my father.
He doesn't do much, either.
He just sits around watching TV or doing the occasional crossword.
- What does your mother do? - Wisconsin Attorney General.
- No, really? - Really.
Oh I guess that helps fill her day.
She says, "Crime never stops, even in the dairy state.
" I don't think public office is for Dad, but Maybe I can find him a hobby.
Any suggestions? Mom likes to water-ski a little.
She hikes, oil paints Oh, she likes archaeology.
She's on a dig in Honduras right now.
Well, maybe I could get him a wood-burning set.
Is Dad still asleep? Yes, with the dog.
Eddie's legs are going like mad.
He's dreaming of chasing rabbits.
But why is your father twitching? Just about done with this thing.
Your dad will love it.
I was walking through the hobby shop.
It was "Eureka!" I actually said, "Eureka!" Ah, yes.
There are a million stories in the naked city.
Now, if we could just find a naked one.
Dr Crane! You naughty boy! Peeking in on other people's privacy! If people were concerned about their privacy, would they leave their blinds open where you can see the mantel mirror that reflects to the waterbed? Your father's coming.
Stand in front of it.
We'll make this a surprise.
- Hi, guys.
- How was your nap? I had the strangest dream.
A woman with bad breath was licking my face.
Hey, where'd you just come from? I got a surprise for you.
Hey, a telescope! That's a beaut! What's the occasion? - I just thought you'd like it.
- That's great, thanks! I saw on the news, there's a bunch of falcons on the Columbia Tower.
- I can watch them from here.
- Forget the falcons.
You can see everything in that building.
I'd lock people up for that.
It's innocent.
Just think of it as having like 100 more channels to watch.
Just look, people going about their lives.
There's an old couple watching telly.
Next door, an attractive young woman is working at a computer, while below her a burly man is sopping up a large pool of blood.
- Oh, God! - What? Oh, Daddy! Nah, that's tomato juice, you can see the can.
- Yes, she is a looker! - There's a voyeur in all of us.
Let's see what else the Seattle skyline has to offer.
I say we make a strict rule.
If anybody does anything nasty, we move on.
Agreed? I said "agreed"? Yeah.
There's a lady with a telescope looking back at us! - What shall we do? - Hide! Every time I do something bad, I get caught! Hi! How you doing? What are you doing? - She's waving, I'm waving back.
- Don't do that.
Why not? Wait, she's writing something! She's holding it up.
It says, "Hello, there, stranger.
" - Daphne, get me that pad and pen! - What for? I'll answer her.
Write down, "My name is Martin.
" You shouldn't encourage her.
I don't want people looking in on us.
I don't think I made my bed today.
Is she writing anything else? - Yeah"My name is Irene.
" - Her name's Irene.
- Thank you.
- Wait, she's writing something else! "Is that Dr Crane from the radio hiding there behind you?" It does not say that! Oh, it does say that! Hello! - Her oldest son is an accountant.
- He was the breech birth? - No, that's the dentist in Boise.
- Oh, right.
He's got the wife that won't let him visit.
I can't stand her.
Morning, Dad, Daphne.
Morning, Irene.
When you were a kid, what was that skin condition you had on your butt? Pityriasis rosea.
- How do you spell that? - Why? Irene and I are exchanging family histories.
- Don't tell your girlfriend about that.
- She's not my girlfriend! You've been exchanging notes for the last three days.
If you were in the sixth grade, you'd be sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g.
- Let me borrow that pad.
- What are you doing? I'm going to help along your little romance and maybe save a small forest.
- I'm giving her our number.
- No, don't do that! - Why? - She'll think I'm being too forward.
You met peeping into her apartment.
She won't call.
- Want to bet? - Yeah, five bucks.
(Phone) - Aren't you going to answer it? - You get it.
Dad, it's for you.
Hello? No, no, this is Frasier, hi.
I'm fine.
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