You're listening to KACL, This is Dr Frasier Crane.
Our lines are open.
So please give us a call.
I'm just sitting here waiting.
Seattle, come on, I know you're out there.
I realise it's a sunny day, but on the rainy days I was there for you.
All right, if that's the way you want it, you leave me no recourse.
# When the moon hits your eye Like a big pizza # Ah, seems I got you going there, OK! All right, then.
I knew you were out there.
OK, Roz, who do we have? We have Gary on line two.
He and his wife had a fight.
Sorry to hear that, Gary.
I'm listening.
'My wife's hell-bent on going to Italy this year.
' Ah, Italia! The rolling hills of Toscana, the art of Firenze, the passion that is Venezia! 'Yeah, well, anyway, I like taking a vacation as much as the next guy, 'but if we dip into our savings, 'we should buy a new sump pump for the basement ' Let me stop you there.
I'm siding with your wife here.
'But it's 1,800 bucks, without the Splendours of the Vatican package.
' There is more to life than sump pumps.
Whatever happened to feeding our souls? I purchased a painting by one of our premier artists.
Oh, it's not important who.
Well, it's Seattle's own Martha Paxton.
Practical, no, but Ever since acquiring that painting, I look at it every day and every time I do, I'm uplifted by its beauty.
So, Gary, go to Italy.
Bring back a suitcase full of memories.
Will you do that? 'I still think I should get the sump pump.
' Well, then yes, Gary, you You should get the sump pump.
We'll be right back after this newsbreak.
Roz? Uh, just what is a sump pump? If you need one, you'll know.
Do you own a Paxton or were you blowing sunshine up Gary's skirt? - Yes, indeed, I do own a Paxton.
- She's on line three.
A pre-eminent neo-fauvist and you put her on hold! Well, the phone rang, I Ms Paxton, oh, I'm so sorry to have kept you waiting.
Well, thank you! Yes.
I'm very flattered that you listen to my little show.
Yes, I meant every word.
That's lovely.
I'd like to meet you, too, sometime.
I'm having a few friends over for a little gathering this Friday night for some cocktails and such.
I suppose you're far too You would? Oh, that's marvellous! It's the Elliott Bay Towers, on the counterbalance, around 7:00 is fine.
Well, I'll see you then.
Ciao! - I didn't know about your cocktail party.
- That makes two of us.
(Piano is playing jazz) Me theory on death is, you're whisked down a dark tunnel towards a white light and you get all the jokes you never got before.
You let out a little chuckle and then you die.
(Chuckles) Delightful story, but I think the toast points need replenishing.
Be right on it.
Enchanting.
Why is no-one eating the mousseline of duck? You mangy little cur! Get! Get! Get! Oh! Now we know why.
The dog is eating the food, the pianist is too intrusive, the Pinot Noir is far too stagy - It's 7:05, and Martha isn't here.
- I won't have to sedate you, will I? No, I'm just on edge.
I want everything to be perfect.
Where's Maris? I haven't seen her all night.
She's on your bed asleep under the guests' coats.
She exhausts easily under the pressure to be interesting.
- She should be looking after Dad! - He's in the bathroom.
(Doorbell) That must be La Paxton! And fashionably late, of course! Oh, hi, Roz, it's you.
- And you look radiant! - I look like crap.
I stained my dress, over-plucked one eyebrow, and the crotch of my pantyhose is creeping down to my knees.
Why not do it on the elevator? Oh, my goodness, you've got a neck! What do you think? Is it how you imagined? To be frank, I don't spend my idle hours imagining how you live.
But I did expect lots of beige.
And look, I was right.
- Would you like a drink? - Sure, something light.
Double bourbon, rocks, and spill a little in the glass.
Oh, Daphne, you're here, too.
My goodness, shouldn't you be mixing? Don't mind me.
I'm just getting some ice.
- Lovely party, isn't it? - Yes, it is.
This fresh fennel smells wonderful, doesn't it? It certainly does.
Dr Crane, were you sniffing my hair? Why would I do that? I'm married, I love my Maris.
- Where should I put this coat? - Just throw it on the bed.
So, which one is your dad? He's the gentleman showing Bethany Van Pelt the photographs.
Oh, my God! When we got to her, it was hanging by two tendons.
Would you excuse us, please? Stop showing crime scene photos.
She was the one who brought it up! Oh, yeah, the Junior League head brought up the subject of a hooker who was dismembered and scattered in a warehouse? She asked, "Are these meatballs the messiest thing you've ever seen?" - And I said "no - Dad, please! All right, but stop shadowing me! I don't need a nursemaid! All right, just give me your word.
Watch him! Hi, Niles.
You may not remember me I do! Be a love and watch that man with a cane.
(Doorbell) Everyone! Dr Crane? - I'm Martha Paxton.
- Of course.
Who else could you be? Welcome to my salon.
Everyone, your attention please! Let's welcome our guest of honour, the renowned artist, Martha Paxton! - May I take your poncho? - No, I never take it off at parties.
- So I don't have to shake hands.
- How delightfully eccentric.
You must meet my brother Niles.
Oh, Niles! Ms Paxton? Dr Niles Crane.
It's an honour to shake your hand.
Well, to shake anything of yours is an honour.
Now, where did you hang my painting? I'd like to know how people live with my work.
"Live with my work.
" I love that phrase.
This way, please.
This is the perfect spot for an ideal viewing.
Oh, God I've waited so long for this moment.
I'll let you describe your work, "Elegy In Green," in your own words.
You insinuate the palette but never lean on it.
You've captured the Zeitgeist! It's the most perfect canvas I've gazed upon.
One can only imagine what inspired you to paint it! I didn't paint it.
Well, of course you didn't.
You created it, you gave birth to it.
I didn't do anything to it.
I never saw this painting before.
And you thought I was going to embarrass you.
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