It's 4:25, and this is Dr Frasier Crane.
- Who's our next caller? - Hank has trouble with his neighbours.
Hello, Hank, I'm listening.
- (Hank) 'Am I on? ' - Yes, you're on the air.
(Hank) 'Hello, am I on? ' Hank, listen.
Turn down your radio and just talk into your phone.
(Hank) 'Hello? ' You won't be able to hear yourself.
We're on a seven-second delay.
'Hello, can you hear me? ' For crying out loud! Thank you, Hank.
People, turn off your damn radios! Ah, no, I mean just those of you who are calling in! Who's our next caller? Marco has relationship problems.
Hello, Marco, I'm listening.
(Marco) 'I started seeing this woman two years ago.
'I think it was two years.
It was around Thanksgiving 'Yeah, the leaves were off the trees and ' Close enough.
What is your problem? 'Lt's not really my problem, it's more like her problem.
- 'She's pressing me for a commitment.
' - What's holding you back? 'I want to keep my options open, in case somebody better comes along.
' "Somebody better comes along.
" "Somebody better comes along!" Marco, do you hear yourself? 'No, I turned my radio off after you blasted that other guy.
' Listen, I suggest you give your motives a thorough examination, and if you can't commit, it's best for both of you to break it off.
- 'Yeah? ' - Yeah! Thank you for your call.
Tell me, what is it with guys like that? Hey, Roz, you've been around the block a few times.
Ever run into a guy like Marco? Oh, they're all Marcos.
You can't swing a dead cat without hitting a Marco.
If that was so, no one would be having a relationship.
Well, I'm not, my sister's not, none of my friends are.
I've seen the future.
Its name is Marco.
What do you think, Seattle? Are there any non-Marcos out there, or is Roz destined to live a life of hopeless, loveless spinsterhood? Back after this.
Gee, I just love it when you include me in your show.
(lndistinct) This is weird.
It's not even Halloween yet.
Do we have to do this now? Yes, if we want a picture for the Christmas card.
Why can't we just do what my wife and I did - put Frasier and Niles, in matching sweaters, on the old Packard.
Well, this year we're going to be a little more artistic.
Where is Frasier? I could use help.
He's still napping.
My grandfather used to nap every day.
- He lived to be 93.
- Really? He'd lie there on the sofa, and you couldn't wake him.
Grammy would say, "He might as well be a dead man.
" Then, one day, we couldn't wake him.
He really was a dead man.
Poor Grammy.
For weeks, she kept insisting: "'E's napping, 'e's napping.
" OK, I'm going to turn it on.
Oh, it's lovely! (Both) # Deck the halls with boughs of holly # Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la # 'Tis the season to be jolly # Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la # Don we now our gay apparel # Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la # Excuse me, excuse me.
Exactly how long have I been asleep? Good, you're up.
Now we can get this picture taken.
- What picture? - The picture for the Christmas card.
Oh, right.
The theme is Santa's workshop.
Put on your little elf hats.
I'm not putting this on my head! I'm a respected professional! But if you don't, it'll look stupid! The ship has already sailed on that one.
- Put the hat on! - You can't tell me what to do.
I am telling you.
You can no longer sit me on top of some stupid old Packard! Boys, please, don't fight! Are you forgetting what day it is? It's October 21! - Can we just get the picture taken? - I've got it all set.
Oh wait, where's Eddie? In the bathroom, getting a drink.
Eddie! Well, I can always pray there's a postal strike.
That's it for today.
This is Dr Frasier Crane saying, "Go out there and make it a great evening, Seattle.
" Hey, there's a fan in the hall who'd like your autograph.
Oh, God, save me from my adoring fans.
Oh! But not from the adorable ones.
Hello.
You wanted an autograph? Uh, how should I make this out? You disgust me, you parasitic fraud! That's certainly different from the usual "Best Regards".
For once you'll face the consequences of hanging up on callers! What consequences? I'm Marco's girlfriend Excuse me, ex-girlfriend, thanks to you.
The Marco who didn't want to commit? You damned radio shrinks.
You couldn't just tell him to stick with it! That doesn't get big ratings.
No! "Get on with your life and ruin hers.
" - That's entertainment.
- Hold on.
Did you listen to the show? - No, but Marco told me what you said.
- Oh, he did, did he? Did he mention he only stayed with you to keep his options open? He said he only stayed with you until somebody better came along.
- He said that? - To most of Seattle.
Apparently, you're the only one who missed it.
So, it wasn't that he didn't want to commit.
He just didn't want to commit to me.
I'm sorry I had to tell you, but at least now you know the truth.
Oh, no Don't don't cry.
Look, you're You're in a place of business here.
Boy, I can really pick 'em, can't I? Don't go there.
Look, this is not your fault.
You're a terrifically attractive young woman, maybe a bit overemotional Oh, yes, there, there, shh.
- Listen, can I get you something? - Mm-mm.
- A drink of water? - No.
M & M's? Plain or peanut? - Whichever you like.
- Peanut.
God, I should have seen this coming.
He almost had a coronary, when I brought a toothbrush over to keep at his apartment.
- Thank you.
You want one? - Uh, no, thanks.
Have a seat.
Listen, if he was that resistant, why did you stay with him? I had a lot invested in it.
Why settle for someone who isn't madly in love with you? Right now I'm not sure there are any men who are capable of falling madly in love.
There are.
Men and women are basically the same.
We both need to be loved and to love someone, we both want to feel that we matter to someone.
Making a commitment to another human being is the ultimate expression of our humanity.
Wow.
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