F R A S I E R (10x02) - Enemy at the Gate - When the phone company says they will be at your door between the hours of nine and noon, they have entered into a verbal contract.
If they show up at 12:47, they are in breach of said contract.
- Again, I agree.
- Well, I just shouldn't have waited for them, that's all.
Now my entire day is thrown off.
- Still, I appreciate your taking the time to give me a lift.
- Yes, well, when you informed me you had to get to the promenade shops posthaste, I assumed it was an actual emergency - not to return a cage for some silly lovebirds.
It may not be on the order of a fallen pant cuff, but until I get home with something more secure, little Daphne and Niles are living under a colander.
Dear God don't tell me you actually named them after yourselves.
Big mistake, I admit.
This morning when Daphne escaped, I just kept thinking, "What if she's hurt, or lost, or eaten by a cat?" Or worse "what if she meets a bird who's more birdly than Niles but without the substance?" Trust me.
- No one is more birdly than Niles.
- Thanks.
What is with all this traffic? I tell you, don't these people have jobs? Some of us have a radio show to do! Frasier, relax, you're not on for another hour and a half.
That can't be right.
Oh, Dear God! My show's on in fifteen minutes! I had no idea it was so late.
You can just drop me out front.
I'll get a cab home.
I'm afraid I'll have to.
Damn it! Dad did this.
I tell you, he gets in here, he wants to hear his favorite radio station, and starts pushing buttons like a lab rat on amphetamines! Excuse me, we've changed our minds.
We won't be parking.
- Two dollars.
- No, you see, we just came in for a second and decided not to park.
- Just check the time on the ticket.
- It's two dollars for any portion of twenty minutes: one second, ten minutes, whatever.
Unless you go over, then it's two more dollars.
Forgive me, perhaps I'm not being clear.
You see, I mistakenly pulled in here, decided not to park, and now I'd like to just get out.
Two dollars.
- I have two dollars.
- Put that away! Sorry.
You come in, you pay.
That's policy.
Oh, really? It just so happens that I have a few policies of my own, and one of them is that I do not pay good money for nothing! - Well, not for nothing, but your car's taking up space on the property.
- That's not parking! - It looks parked to me.
- But it's been continually in motion! - It's stopped.
- But it's still running.
- It's parked.
Look, the fee is two dollars.
- There's nothing you can do.
- Is that so? - Do you hear that? - Yes, and it makes sense to me.
Fine.
Have it your way.
- What are we doing, Frasier? - If I'm going to be paying for parking, we are going to get our twenty minutes' worth.
THE TERRIER PUZZLES OK, what we need now is a side piece with some ear and a little bit of sky.
Ear with sky ear with sky Well, this is it.
Sorry it's taken me so long to pick up the last of my things.
Oh, no problem.
Frasier's not having the carpet people here til Friday.
Oh, really? When it was my room, he said the carpet's good for another twenty years.
Yeah, well, now it's going to be a reading sanctuary.
- He's turning my room into a library? - No, he made it very clear it was a "reading sanctuary.
" A library implies sharing.
- I think there are some pieces missing from this one.
- You always say that, keep looking.
Why do I even do this stupid thing? Some puzzle, there's a picture of what's it's going to look like right on the box! You always say that, too.
- What's wrong, Eddie? - Come, boy! He must know you're moving.
He gets this way whenever I bring out my suitcase.
He knows I'm going away and he starts raising hell.
Boy, come! - Yeah, that's what it looks like.
- Well, there's nothing to get upset about.
- I'll be here every day for your physical therapy.
- You hear that, boy? She'll be here every day to torture your master.
- What should I do? - Maybe it'd distract him if you made me lunch.
Hold it, man! Dumbass! - Other motorists are getting angry.
- If they weren't so shortsighted, they'd see that I'm doing this for their own good.
It's like correcting people's grammar - I don't do it to be popular.
And I support that, but in this case I strongly feel we should pay the money and get out of here before there's violence.
Niles, they can get around us if they want to.
So what, it takes them an extra two seconds! It's a small price to pay for making the universe a better place.
- OK, but we're also inconveniencing ourselves.
- Niles, you'll get home to your stupid, filthy birds soon enough! - I meant that your radio show is about to start dumbass.
- Right.
- Where the hell's the doc? - He still isn't here.
It's almost showtime! I swear to God, nobody here has any discipline! I'm starting to think, I've been too loose with the leash! I mean, gee whiz, I try to make everyone happy and all it gets me is a twisted gut.
Well, no more! This Saturday, we're gonna have a staff meeting, we're gonna hash out some rules! - I'm busy Saturday! - Well, it's not mandatory.
Roz Doyle.
Frasier! Where are you? What? He's at some mall, he's still got ten minutes of parking left.
You know, you don't have to use the full twenty minutes.
He knows that.
What are you doing? What?! You lost me after "Gandhi.
" Just stall.
I don't know, read some fan mail if you have to.
There must be! Check in my Inbox! Oh, never mind! I'll be there when I get there, and when I do, I will have a little speech for my listeners about the Power of One! Sounds like everybody's a winner today.
Are you being snide? Because that's not healthy.
- Well, I'll just go return my birdcage.
- Niles! You shut that door! - You can't desert me in the middle of a fight! - I'm not deserting you.
It would appear to others that you are, thereby weakening my position.
Please, you must stay.
- What the hell is going on here? - I'm glad you asked me that question.
I am making a stand against this garage that holds me, my passenger, and my automobile hostage for a parking fee which I do not owe.
- He don't want to pay two dollars.
- Look, I already told you, it's not about the money.
In fact, to prove it's not about the money, I will donate two dollars to the charity of your choice.
Only rich people have time for this kind of crap! Just pay the two bucks, Mr.
BMW ! My income, and the style of car which I drive, are irrelevant! Isn't that so, Niles? Yes, I drive a Mercedes, and I would have paid ten minutes ago.
- I told my boss I have a non-pay.
- Oh! You see, Niles, this happens so often, - they actually have a name for us.
- More than one, I bet.
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