Hey, Daphne! You seen Eddie? No, I haven't.
It just doesn't feel right to start the day without him licking me awake.
Well, don't look at me.
Morning, all.
Daphne, I got treats! What the hell are you doing with him? We went for a walk.
I'm talking to Eddie.
When I saw what a beautiful day it was, I headed for the park.
Of course, the only people in the park at this hour of the morning without dogs are winos and that guy in the harem pants that washes his hair in the fountain.
He says hello, by the way.
It is sort of nice out, isn't it? Sort of nice? My God, haven't you people noticed this? It's incredible! Dad, you should feel this.
It's eighty degrees outside and it's the middle of February! Oh, it is beautiful, and in the middle of such a terrible winter.
Oh, I love nature's little aberrations: warm days in winter, four leaf clovers, Australians Yes, it is glorious.
It defies you not to takea moment to acknowledge the power that created it.
Thank you, global warming! Hey Frasier, think your guy down at the liquor store could send a bottle of Scotch to my buddy Jimmy in Montana? Sure, Dad.
What's the occasion? Today's his sixteenth birthday.
Oh well, you'll want to throw in a hooker too, won't you? No, don't you get it? It's February 29th.
Hmm.
It's a leap year.
Right.
He only gets a birthday every four years.
I get it dad.
He's really sixty-four.
I can do the math.
Jimmy's having a big shindig tonight.
A lot of guys from the force fly in for it.
Everybody drinks a lot of beer, and then they have a contest to see who's got the biggest scar.
You know, this year I had a real good chance of winning it now that "Shark Bait" O'Reilly's finally died.
So, why aren't you going? Yeah Dad, you should go.
Ah, Montana's too far away.
Well Dad, his birthday only comes around once every four years.
As a matter of fact, this day only comes around every four years.
You know, it's like a free day, a gift.
We should do something special, be bold! It's leap year, take a leap! (leap year - leap) You know, I was just about to say the same thing to you.
Your son's right.
You shouldn't be afraid to shake up your routine a little bit.
Hey, I don't see you taking any big leaps today.
If there was something I wanted to do, I would do it.
Well, you're always whining about wanting to change your hair.
[whining] I don't whine! "I'm so sick of me hair.
Do you think I should get it cut like Princess Di? Ooh, do you think that'd make me cheeks look too fat? That reminds me of the craziest thing me Grammy Moon used to say!" I'll pay for the damn haircut if you stop yakking and just do it.
Yes, well I'll pay for you to go to Montana.
That's not the one next to New Hampshire, is it? No.
And Dad can pay for his own trip.
All right, then.
And I can pay for me own haircut.
All right, Dad, back in your court.
Are you up to the leap year challenge? Ah.
.
Dad, Jimmy's already sixteen.
How many more birthdays is he going to have? You know, I would kind of hate not being there when Jimmy brings out the big ham.
Oh, all right, what the hell, I'll go.
I'll call the airlines after breakfast.
That's the spirit! Hey, what's your big leap year challenge? Well, have you forgotten? I'm singing "Buttons and Bows" tonight at the P.
B.
S.
pledge drive.
You sung that same stupid song for the last three years.
Yes, but I'm doing something remarkably fresh and different with it this year! You're just blowing smoke, aren't you? Like a '56 Rambler! Good morning, Niles! Good? It's glorious, heaven-sent! And you know why? Maris called! She wants to get together with me this evening.
Oh Niles, that's wonderful news! It's high time you and Maris sat down and talked through your problems.
She doesn't want to talk.
When she says "get together" she means in the "You wear the creme fraiche, I'll lick it off" sense.
She's cleared her schedule from 19:00 till 19:30, that means foreplay AND cuddling! You know, Niles, remember when you were a kid and your mother and I wouldn't discuss the Cuban Missile Crisis in front of you because we knew it'd give you bad dreams? Yes.
It's a two-way street.
Breakfast, Dr.
Crane? Uh yes, thank you, Daphne.
Niles, I don't mind telling you, I'm a little bit concerned about this.
Maris claps her hands, you come running? Oh well, don't forget there's a little something for me in this too.
I haven't had sex in six months.
Oh, surely you're exaggerating, you've only been separated for three.
And your point would be? You really want to sacrifice your self-respect for a roll in the hay? Substitute a 16th-century giltwood fainting couch for hay and watch me roll! Niles, you and Maris have not sat down and discussed your problems.
As a psychiatrist you know that sex will only cloud the issues.
You don't realize how desperate I am.
Ever since our separation, I've been paying women to touch me.
Oh, Niles Manicurists, pedicurists, facialists.
Whenever you see a man who's well-groomed, you can bet he's not getting any.
Well, will you at least think about what I've said? I can't.
She's leaving for Europe in the morning, so I have a very small window of opportunity.
Niles you know I'm right.
You just don't want me to have sex because you're not having any! I most certainly am too! Your lips say yes, but your cuticles speak volumes.
Niles Oh, you're right.
I'll tell her no.
It's not going to be easy, though.
Of course not.
Just don't think about sex.
Would you like me to butter your buns for you, Dr.
Crane? Grandma in a teddy.
Thank you.
You're all mine in buttons and bows! Oh God, it must be P.
B.
S.
pledge time again.
Roz, it is a wonderful day.
You know, I think the entire city of Seattle is convinced it's springtime.
I was walking down the street, I passed a pet store, and in the window I could see two snakes doing a mating dance.
If you ask me, celebrating a dance that brings more snakes into the world is like toasting a law school graduation.
Well, I can see the unseasonable sunshine has done nothing to improve your mood.
Well, how would you feel if you just lost the love of your life? Well, alimony aside, I found it rather liberating.
My car wouldn't start, so I had to take the bus.
And we're all crowded on there, when suddenly I smell Lagerfeld, and I I look up, and there he is.
Carl Lagerfeld? His name is Gary.
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