You try and try, but at some point you finally have to admit as much as you care about each other your relationship isn't working and hasn't been for some time.
But you two wouldn't be sitting here with me if you didn't want to save this relationship.
Isn't that true? I'm be willing to try.
I can't speak for You don't have to speak for me, Niles.
-I'm perfectly capable of speaking for myself.
-Yes, I know.
Caruso wasn't so in love with the sound of his own voice.
What does that mean? Well, you tell me, Enrico.
What do you think it means? I guess I can tell you Gentlemen! Now, are we agreed that we want to do something to fix this problem? Why doesn't one of you tell me how this started? Well, it began with me.
Last week, I was at work doing my radio show.
I was on the air with a troubled young woman.
She had just started telling me about a recurring dream she had since childhood.
Okay, I'm in my bedroom.
I'd just gotten out of the bath tub to get dressed.
When I opened the closet, all my clothes are gone.
Suddenly, I hear the sound of footsteps on the drive outside.
I turn and there is a little girl with her nose pressed up against the window.
-Facinating! But her breath is clogging up the glass so that I can't make out her face.
Only, I'm sure she's come to tell me something important.
So, a girl on the other side of a glass with an urgent message.
And for some reason you're unwilling or able to receive it.
I'm sorry, Dr.
Crane, I hate to interrupt but you're all out of time for today.
Oh, dear.
Um, listen, Jill, I'm terribly sorry, but listen I'd like to continue talking to you when we're off the air so please don't hang up.
In the meantime, listeners I've enjoyed our time today.
Tune in again tomorrow when we'll be talking with Blah, blah, Frasier Crane Show, happy health, goodbye! -Yo, Jill.
You a football fan? -Not really.
-Beat it! All right, let's talk women scum! I hate this job.
Not only do I have to put up with that annoying little sweat-sock but when a caller comes in who has a truly fascinating problem I'm barely even able to scratch the surface.
It makes me want to run screaming back to private practice! I can imagine how frustrated you must be.
This show's gotta be constraining for a man of your staggering intellect.
Hold it, stop, wait a minute! You expect us to believe that Roz actually used a phrase like "staggering intellect"? It was something like that.
So, she might have said your "boundless brilliance" or, say, "the Olympian reaches of your wisdom.
" -Oh, Niles, do shut up.
-Oh, you shut up! Gentlemen, gentlemen! It is not important exactly what was said.
What is important is that he assumes it revolves around him when the truth is it started several days before that, with me.
I'd been having some trouble with the psychiatrist in the office next door.
His unconventional therapy had started to intrude upon my sessions.
Mrs.
Kelly, the key here is that you trust me.
So long as you're in this office you have no reason to feel anything but safe.
You must think of this as your refuge, your sanctuary.
I'm not saying that being a sole survivor of a plane crash wasn't a traumatizing experience for you.
But, I can get you to a point where the memories no longer haunt you.
His primal scream madness was ruining my practice.
I had to do something.
The opportunity presented itself that Friday.
I'd come to Frasier's for dinner.
I remember Daphne my father's health care worker, was telling the most delightful story Oh, I know what you're going though, dealing with a noisy neighbour.
Have I ever mentioned that couple that lived next door to me in London? A married couple, who made the most un-Godly racket - in bed! The walls must have been like tissue paper because I'd hear the whole performance every night.
Finally, I decided the only to get them to stop was to let them hear what I'd been hearing.
So, one night, I moved near the wall and I started Problem solved.
I'm sorry, Daphne, I drifted.
Would you mind telling that story again? Hold it, stop! Niles, you know full well that Daphne merely told us that story, she did not act it out.
-Didn't she? -No! Just tell the story! -Fine.
It was a few hours later.
We were having espresso and, perhaps to counter-act the stimulative effect Frasier was telling us about his day.
You know, I can't stop thinking about my last caller today.
Fascinating young woman who had a recurring dream.
You know who's a hell of a dreamer? Eddie.
One night I'd wake up, he's lying on my forehead dead asleep, with a big clump of my hair in his mouth, growlin'! Bet you'd love to analyze that little brain of his.
Yes, that would be the jewel in the crown of my career! Still, thinking about this woman has started me longing for private practice.
I guess I just miss the chance to dig deep with my patients.
-Have you considered seeing patients on the side? -Oh yes, of course.
I've got a list of people who've expressed interest.
Frasier, I have a proposition.
I mentioned that doctor in the office next door? Well, his lease is up.
If you were interested in his office, as his landlord I could tell him and his screaming meamies to hit the road! You and I Working side by side? I don't mind telling you the prospect sounds quite exciting! -We could consult on each other's patients.
-We could give seminars together.
-Even therapy groups! -Oh, my God! "Crane & Crane", I can see our logo already; a giant Crane hovering over a human head! Dad, why are you laughing? Why is Dad laughing? You two, you'll never learn.
-Oh, oh, you think this is a bad idea? -The restaurant you bought together that was a bad idea! The book you tried to write together, that was a bad idea! But this No, that restaurant was still the stupidest one.
-Two little mis-adventures and you doom us to failure.
-Oh, baloney.
You've been like this since you were kids.
You two can't work together.
Maybe Dad's right.
We're not ready for this.
-It could lead to conflict and tension.
-Hold it! -Niles, tell the truth! -Oh, all right.
Stop raining on our parade, Dad! To "Crane & Crane"! Well, our first day together began innocently enough -Good morning, Dr.
Crane.
-And to you, Dr.
Crane Oh, Niles, why should we be so formal, there's nobody around.
-It's a hi-five, Niles! -Oh, oh, oh, sorry.
-Coffee? -Oh, yes, please.
Oh, Niles, I can't tell you how much I've missed that.
The smell of the office place.
Freshly oiled leather couches, the pungent coffee the aroma of an exotic luncheon special wafting up from the cafeteria below.
Actually, that's the lab next door.
They lost power last night some of their tissue samples turned.
By the way, I've put together some recent articles you may want to peruse just to get up to speed.
-Up to speed? -Well it has been a while since you've practised and we could all use a little brushing up.
Well, that's very considerate of you.
-Just put my homework assignment in my box there.
-As you wish.
All right, where shall we put this then? -Well, the only place it should go, actually is right here by the couch, I think.
No, no, Daphne, here on the desk will pick up the earth tones in the carpet.
No, there's this desk space here by the coffee station.
Oh, underneath the heating vent?! Why not just give it a blindfold and a cigarette! -It's your office, put it where you like.
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