Geez, look at this stuff.
Golden Sunset Retirement Village.
Investments for Seniors.
Willowbrook Mortuary.
What the hell kind of list am I on? The good news is I don't think it's the kind of list they keep you on very long.
Ever since I turned 65, all I get is geezer mail.
It's very depressing.
The only thing depressing about being a geezer is looking like one.
There's things a person can do to look younger.
- How he dresses - I tried those Jordache jeans.
I just think you ought to leave something to the imagination.
There's always your hair.
I know it's not exactly your style, but there's nothing wrong with covering up that grey.
I know just the right shade for you.
Cinnamon sable.
Cinnamon sable? Sounds nice.
Wait, I couldn't use that.
That's Duke's shade.
He'd scratch my eyes out.
- Hello, Niles.
- Frasier, prepare to salivate.
If that is a picture ofyour new Biedermeier loveseat, you've already shown it to me.
This is a photo of my latest purchase.
An exquisite 18th century Turkish prayer rug.
Paid a fortune for it, but legend says whatever you pray for on this rug will come to you.
It certainly worked for the dealer.
I'm sorry, Niles, I'm just not in the best of moods.
I had another disastrous blind date today.
I'm sorry.
Murderers on Death Row can find women to marry them.
I can't find one to sit through coffee with me.
It's easy for them to attract women.
They have all that time to work out in the yard.
I'm serious.
I'm getting desperate here.
My love life's not much better than yours, but you don't see me going off the deep end.
Did it ever occur to you that this recent antique buying binge is nothing but a way of sublimating your frustrated sexual desires? These purchases have nothing to do with sex.
Don't they? In addition to the loveseat, let's see, your most recent acquisitions have been a French bedwarmer, a pair of toby jugs, the less said about that Civil War ramrod, the better.
You Freudians.
Sometimes a ramrod is just a Hell, even I can't make that one fly.
Take heart.
We're both in the same boat.
But where do you go to meet people? Just yesterday I met a very nice man at the grocery.
He asked me if I was free Saturday night.
He said, "Wait, that's me niece's Bat Mitzvah".
I said I've never been to a Bat Mitzvah.
He asked me to go to the Bat Mitzvah.
I said I'd love to go to the Bat Mitzvah.
So - Daphne? - Yes? Nothing.
I'm sorry.
Go on.
I seem to have lost me train of thought.
Anyone like some tea? - Love some.
Thank you.
- Thank you, yes.
Little trick I discovered a few weeks ago.
It's a lifesaver.
Anyway, as I was saying, where does one go to meet available women? There are singles bars, of course.
- We could join a health club.
- There's a splendid idea.
I can just picture the two of us, tank tops and spandex.
With matching headbands, we might as well sterilise ourselves.
Sounds like fun, Daph.
If she says Bat Mitzvah one more time - Hey, Niles.
- Hey, Dad.
You come up with an idea.
- What are you guys talking about? - Our pathetic love lives.
Why don't you do what my buddies and I did when we were hard up for dates? Invade Korea? No, we'd throw a party with just one rule.
Only single, available people were invited.
I don't know, Dad.
That doesn't really sound like us.
It works.
I used to throw one a month.
People used to call them Marty parties.
People would call me and say, "Marty, when's the next Marty party?" "lsn't it time for another Marty party?" "Had a great time at the last one".
- Dad? - Yeah? I'm sorry.
Nothing.
Or somebody might say, "Can I host the next Marty party?" Doesn't always work.
I don't think we're quite hard up enough yet - to stage a singles party.
- OK, suit yourself.
We'll just get ready for the evening.
I'll dish out the spaghetti and you guys set up the card table.
I got us a new jigsaw puzzle.
It's called "The Wheat Field".
- I'll send the invitations.
- I'll call the caterer.
Hello, welcome.
Please come in.
This is wonderful.
I had no idea we'd get such a turnout.
Everywhere I look there's another woman I want to get to know better.
With some obvious exceptions.
- Roz, I didn't know you were coming.
- I know it's a long shot but I figured I better get out and do a little flirting or I'd forget how.
- Can I offer you something? - Yeah Roz, you are rusty.
I know you've been striking out lately, but I invited someone who'll improve your batting average.
I've already met someone captivating.
- Hi, Roz.
- Tina, you made it.
You know me.
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