There he is, Niles.
That's our Yorick.
He's perfect, Frasier.
The missing link for our backyard production of Hamlet.
Exactly what I was thinking.
Now get up there.
- Why me? - Because I'm the director, that's why.
Come on.
Just get up there.
- "Alas, poor Yorick, I knew him" - Knock it off.
Ow.
- Are you okay? - No.
You cracked my skull.
FRASIER: May I get a double latte? One shot decaf espresso, one shot of regular espresso, streamed low-fat milk and some non-fat foam.
Sure.
Well? He didn't even blink an eye.
The man's unflappable.
He's amazing, isn't he? He made me a Chai Spice Ristretto-Americano con Panna as if people had been drinking them for centuries.
Truly, this is a golden age.
Oh, did Dad tell you? Our old house is on the market.
FRASIER: It doesn't surprise me.
That whole area's undergoing what they call a revitalization.
Of course, they'll probably just tear it down and put up a Benetton.
Bath & Body Works or Sunglass Hut.
I sort of like Bath & Body Works.
I do, too.
I had this crazy thought, Frasier.
What if we bought the house? You mean as a rental property? Perhaps.
Or as a guest maisonette for our out-of-town visitors.
- Daphne's mother, perhaps? - Oh, hadn't thought of that.
That's a good idea.
Buy her a house and she'll never leave.
You know, Niles, we could open it up to the general public.
- That's not a bad idea.
A warm bed - A freshly baked scone.
- A moderate fee.
- It would pay for itself.
As B and B.
If you two break into song, I'm leaving.
- Hello, every - Roz, listen to this.
[YAWNS] - I'm sorry.
- That's all right.
Have a seat.
I just bought Alice a new hamster and it's kept me up all night running around on that squeaky, damn wheel.
Why don't you get it a quieter wheel? - Or oil the squeak? - Or take the wheel out at night? Or put the cage in another room? Thank you.
Where were you all at 3 this morning when I was trying to shove a Sominex into a carrot? I used to have the same problem when I was raising showrats.
You don't mean the nasty, plague-propagating vermin, do you? No, I mean purebred rats, as in Siamese or Himalayan or husky.
My most prized one was an Andalusian Blue named Lady Prissy and she wasn't sick a day in her life.
So don't go blaming all rats just because of a few bad apples.
A few bad apples? Daphne, they spread a disease that nearly wiped out half of Europe.
Shows what you know.
Those were common European brown rats.
- Yes, but the point DAPHNE: Oh, no, no.
I'll sit here and listen to you prattle on about wine and opera but when it comes to rats, you're in my house.
MARTIN: Old man Lasskopf must have owned this place 50 years.
MARTIN: Wonder why he's selling.
- He can get 50 times what he paid.
Yeah, he sure knew how to squeeze a penny.
You know, he never gave me back my security deposit.
I might just bring that up.
Oh, no, you won't.
Once we turn this into a B and B, you'll make it all back in tips.
What the hell is that supposed to Oh, Mr.
Lasskopf, so good to see you again.
It's been a long time.
What has? - We used to rent this house from you.
- Yes.
I'm Niles Crane.
This is my brother Frasier and our dad.
You remember? Nope.
Nope.
You sort of look familiar.
I should.
Paid you rent for ten years, left the place in perfect condition, and you never gave me back my security deposit.
Nope, don't remember you either.
Come on in.
Go ahead, Dad.
Oh, boy, this brings back memories.
Oh, Niles, do you remember doing our homework at the dining room table? NILES: Oh, yes.
Afternoon piano lessons.
Getting haircuts from your mother.
And Mom's roll-top desk on this wall over here.
Where we wrote all the Crane Boys Mysteries.
I can still see you pacing in your writer's tweeds and half glasses, dictating.
And you in your shawl collar sweater, hammering away at the keys of that old Royal typewriter.
Oh, gosh.
When did those two crazy kids become such a pair of old fuddy-duddies? Oh, Niles.
Do you remember, here's the window we used to sneak out of after curfew.
Really? You did? I never knew that.
Sure, Dad.
We used to go out and chase the girls and have a drink or two.
Well, boys will be boys.
- Frasier.
- Hmm? We didn't chase girls.
We went out to foreign films.
Do you think Dad wants to hear that? Throw the guy a bone.
So, what made you finally decide to sell? - Moving to the Cayman Islands.
- That'll be a change from Seattle.
Gee, you think? Hear they have great scuba diving down there.
You scuba? Do I look like I scuba? I'm lucky I don't need a tank to breathe on land.
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