Cranberry muffin, please, and, uh, a vanilla latte.
Oh, dear, comfort food.
What happened? Niles, do you think I'm elitist? Of course I do.
You needn't worry about that.
No, not in the good way.
At work today, I discovered an injurious graffito about me scrawled on the men's room wall.
- No.
- Yes.
Quote: "There once was a man Frasier Crane Who says he can feel your pain But he acts like a snob To the guys at his job And I think he's totally lame" That's terrible.
There's a tense shift and a proximate rhyme.
The scansion leaves a lot to be desired.
No, no, no.
You're missing the point.
I have always striven to be approachable.
The embodiment of the words: If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue Or walk with kings nor lose the common touch Exactly.
Thank you.
If my maligner truly knew who I was, then he would have found that a more apt characterization than "snob.
" - Assuming he's familiar with Kipling.
- Heh.
What are the odds? Well, Roz, I'd ask you join us, but I see you already had happy hour.
[FRASIER LAUGHS] Well, here, please join us.
So? - Well, um, his name is Roger.
FRASIER: Yeah.
And, uh, we've been kind of going out for the last couple of weeks.
- All right, tell us about him.
- He's very sweet, and he's a garbage man.
So go ahead, make your jokes.
What jokes? I mean, why does everyone assume - I look down on the common man? - Oh, I've got a good one.
Uh So even in his off time, he's taking out the trash? [ROZ LAUGHS] Technically, that's really more about Roz.
If I were to make a joke about him, which I wouldn't, I'd say he has a thing for Roz's can.
- Oh, that's good, that's good.
- You two finished? - Okay, okay.
So - Thank you.
And don't worry, I won't get dumped.
BOTH: Oh.
Yes.
- I'd already passed on that.
- Yes, it was a bit on the nose.
- On the nose.
Yes, that's right.
- Uh-huh.
- Dad, Daphne.
- Hey.
Look what your father found.
A picture of you in a teddy-bear costume.
[DAPHNE LAUGHING] Why do you have all this out? Well, I was making room in the storage closet - and I found some of your old stuff.
DAPHNE: Oh.
- What else is in here? - Well, here's your cap and your blazer from Bryce Academy.
NILES AND DAPHNE: Oh.
Oh, I bet you were the cutest thing in that.
- Oh, well, here's a picture of me in it.
- Oh.
NILES: Oh, oh, oh.
Bobby Fischer's autograph.
Well, son, it's been enough years.
I can probably tell you the truth about that.
- What? - Oh, look.
A picture of you in your first Little League uniform.
I don't know why I said first.
- Was that your game face? - Oh, no, no.
L I'd just lost a tooth due to an errant pitch.
- Tell her who was pitching.
- I was.
- Flowers from your new beau? - Yeah.
Must be nice to be liked.
Are you still obsessing over that limerick? People are making additions.
Good lord, I have read anthologies with fewer contributing authors.
- I'm sure they'll all wash right off.
- If only there were a solvent that could remove the stains they've left on my spirit.
It was a joke.
What's the big deal? Oh, yes, I know.
Being written up on a bathroom wall is no big deal to you.
But that limerick made a point, as all good limericks do.
It seems to have resonated with everyone around here.
I want these people to know the real Frasier Crane.
Wouldn't it be better if you tried to make them like you? Yes.
And to that end I was thinking along the lines of, oh, say, a little party for the entire staff at my place.
- Hey, you could bring Roger.
- Thanks, but I think it's too soon.
I don't wanna put any pressure on him.
Come on, Roz, you always say you don't have a date for these things.
It's gonna be a lot of radio talk and I'm not sure he's gonna be comfortable.
Who is? Come on, Roz, I'd like to meet him.
I don't know.
Maybe next party.
Does this have anything to do with his occupation? You know, his being a refuse collector? No, I am completely comfortable with his job.
I just don't want him to feel awkward around other people.
- Not that he should, or would.
- Yes, all right, fine.
Fine.
If you change your mind, he's more than welcome, all right? It promises to be a real wingding.
If being a snob is the reputation I've built around here, then this party will be the wrecking ball of congeniality that tears it down.
[CHUCKLES] - Yeah, say stuff like that.
- Yeah.
- Say, "Come on, Mom.
" - Come on, Mom.
- Say, "Don't be a wuss.
" - Don't be a wuss.
I'm not a wuss.
Oh, I know you were gonna make dinner, but why not just open a can of something? How'd you think I was gonna make dinner? Alice, go pick out some p.
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