Any entertainment there? All right.
Here we go! We're very happy for you.
What's the matter? We wanted to kiss at midnight, but nobody else will, so.
All right, I'll take care of it.
It's 30 seconds to midnight, what are you gonna do? Will you just trust me? Thirty-three, 32, 31 Who are you kissing at midnight? Rachel or Phoebe? You can't kiss your sister.
-Who's gonna kiss my sister? -Chandler.
Oh, man! Really? Would you rather have me or him kiss her? That's a good point.
Since I have that whole history with Rachel, I guess Phoebe.
Phoebe! Listen.
Ross wants to kiss you at midnight.
So obvious.
Why doesn't he just ask? -Rach! I'm gonna kiss you at midnight.
-What? You can't kiss Ross.
You got the history.
So? -Would you prefer me or Chandler? -Good point.
Three, two, one! Happy New Year! -Happy New Year.
-Happy New Year.
-Happy New Year.
-You too.
Happy New Year, Joey.
So that do anything for you? The One with All the Resolutions You know what? I'm gonna go out on a limb and say "No divorces in '99!" But your divorce isn't final yet.
Just the one divorce in '99! I am gonna be happy this year.
I am gonna make myself happy.
Do you want us to leave the room? Every day I am gonna do one thing I have never done before.
That is my New Year's resolution.
That's a good one! Mine is to pilot a commercial jet.
Now you only have to find a planeload of people whose resolution is to plummet to their deaths.
Maybe your resolution should be not to make fun of your friends.
Especially the ones who might fly you to Europe for free.
She has a better chance of flying up your nose than you do of not making fun of us.
I'll bet $50 you can't go the year without making fun of us.
Better yet, a week.
I'll take that bet, my friend.
Paying me the $50 can be the "new thing you do" that day.
And it starts right now! My New Year's resolution is to learn how to play guitar.
Really? How come? You know those special skills I have listed on my resume? I would love it if one of those was true.
Want me to teach you? I'm great.
Really? Who have you taught? Well, I taught me.
And I loved me.
That'd be great! Yeah, thanks, Phoebe.
My resolution is to be less obsessed with being neat and clean.
Really? Or something else.
Look.
Blaire forgot her glasses.
She'll need these to keep an eye on that boyfriend.
Who, from what I hear, needs to keep his stapler in his desk drawer, if you know what I mean! Maybe your resolution should be to gossip less.
What? I don't gossip.
Maybe sometimes I find out things.
Or I hear something and I pass that information on.
You know, kind of like a public service.
It doesn't mean I'm a gossip.
Is Ted Koppel a gossip? If Ted Koppel talked about his coworkers' botched boob jobs, I would.
They were like this! Fine, my New Year's resolution will be not to gossip.
-It's easy.
-Easy? You have never kept a resolution.
-Yes, I have.
-Okay, let's see how you did last year.
No.
No.
Not my diary.
You cannot read my diary.
"Dear diary: I'm so excited.
My resolution is to write in you every day.
See you tomorrow.
" Nothing.
You know, not a lot happened last year.
All right, I will prove to you that I can keep it this time.
No more gossiping.
I hate gossip.
In junior high this girl said a lot of mean stuff about me and I set her bike on fire.
-Wow, what did she say about you? -She said I was crazy.
But I guess she got hers.
-I'll see you tomorrow.
-Okay.
I just asked that girl out.
Nice! Is that part of your "new thing" for today? Yes, it is.
See? "Elizabeth Hornswoggle"? That's right.
Elizabeth Hornswoggle.
You okay, Chandler? Something funny about that name? No, I just think I've heard it somewhere before.
Oh, really? Where? Somewhere funny, I'll bet.
Guess what.
I have a date with Elizabeth Hornswoggle.
Oh, this must be killing you! All right, see you later.
Not really.
-I haven't told you her middle name yet.
-Well, don't.
Just don't.
-See you later.
-See you.
All right, Phoebe, I am ready for my first lesson.
No, you don't touch the guitar.
First you learn here, then here.
Lesson one: Chords.
Now, I don't know the actual names of the chords.
But I made up names for the way my hand looks while I'm doing them.
So then this is "Bear Claw.
" "Turkey Leg" and "Old Lady.
" What an interesting approach to guitar instruction.
You know, some might find it amusing.
I myself find it regular.
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