Two two, three Welcome to Entertainment and Earth Invasion Tonite! We'll be talking with General Extermulo, who will crush the human race under his boot unless his demands are met immediately! But first, celebrity buzz.
Linda? It has now been one year since the death of Calculon, former star of TV soap opera All My Circuits.
The celebrated robot actor killed himself onstage in a failed attempt to make a death scene more convincing.
Here at his grave site, loyal fans have turned out by the several to pay tribute to the legendary ham.
What brings you two here today? We came to honor Calculon's memory.
Ever since he died, All My Circuits is terrible.
It's not even worth watching anymore.
Fry! All My Circuits is on in three minutes! What?! We got to get home! Hey! All My Circuits! All My Circuits! And now All My Circuits, brought to you by Anonyco, the unknown company doing unknown things.
Oh, Vaxtron, it's been a year since my ugly husband Calculon disappeared without a trace, evidently forced into servitude aboard a crab fishing boat.
So he's, like, legally dead now.
Want to get married and whatever? The new guy is so boring.
I like him.
His acting is much more subtle than Calculon's.
Vaxtron, I have to tell you something.
I'm pregnant.
And you're not the father! Okeydoke.
You see, you see? Calculon would have acted the crap out of that.
He would've acted so hard, the camera would've broken down.
- In tears! - I'm changing the channel.
Man, Bender and I used to love watching All My Circuits together.
Now what are we supposed to do at the office instead of work? How about talking to each other? That's what bath time is for.
If we talk to each other any more than that, it'll ruin our friendship.
If only we could bring Calculon back to life somehow.
You can.
It's simple, you simpletons.
Calculon is a robot, a mere mechanism that can easily be restored to working order.
The only problem is we would need his physical remains.
Hang on a sec.
This must be a difficult time for people who confuse TV actors with actual friends.
Dear God! What is he doing?! No! Somebody stop him! Here's corpsey! Excellent.
Now restarting him is just a simple matter of science.
What do we do? Well, since Calculon killed himself, his disembodied software is in limbo, running on the computational cloud.
To reclaim it, you'll need to go to Robot Hell and make a deal with the Devil.
That doesn't sound very scientific.
Not to the layman, no.
But that's how it works! Leave me alone! Ow! Ow! O, tears! O, lamentations! Would that mine eternal torment might cease! Will you shut up?! You've been talking for a solid year.
You know, Hell used to be a nice place before you got here.
These guys.
That's right, Robot Devil, and we've come to reclaim a soul.
- A what? - You know, the disembodied software blah blah whatever.
Ah.
Then the answer is no.
Once a robot comes here, he's mine for all eternity.
Now hit the bricks.
You heard him, Bender.
Calculon's gone forever.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Did you say Calculon? Perhaps we can make a deal of some sort.
Hark! Is it possible the hour of mine deliverance is nigh? Will you stop hamming it up for one second? They can't see or hear you.
Their loss.
I propose a competition.
If I win, we get Calculon.
If I lose, you kill us.
Fine, whatever.
For Calculon's immortal soul, guess the number I'm thinking of.
Um It's between one and three.
Four! Between one and three.
Not including one or three.
- "M"! - Is he right? Yes.
The number I was thinking of was the letter "M.
" Here, take him! What are you waiting for, a kiss good-bye?! Go already! Now we just reintroduce Calculon's programming to his body using science.
It's like magic but with electricity.
First we put on our protective suits.
Then place the body equidistant from the five nearest wireless network hubs.
This is the least scientific thing I've ever seen.
You be quiet! Now it's a simple matter of reverse-installing Calculon's operating system.
Amy, play this installation disk backwards.
Rise from the dead in the name of Satan.
Meanwhile, I'll get a spare circuit board out of this mechanical goat.
Seriously, this could not seem less scientific.
It's working.
His acting module is booting up.
Wherefore Verily No autographs, please.
He's still a bit woozy.
Rosebud.
Won't leave my trailer for less than $40,000.
By the Bard's quill! I'm alive! Hey! Calculon's back! Hail science! Vaxtron! It's not what it looks like! But it's very similar to that! My world has been, like, shattered.
I hate you both.
They thought this Vaxtron could replace me? A pox on all their beach houses! I think Vaxtron brings an air of edgy detachment to the show.
Who is she? Don't worry about it.
Not important.
Hey, I know.
Let's take Calculon to Hollywood so he can get back his job on All My Circuits! Fry, that's such a good idea, I thought of it.
Yes.
Yes! However, no.
What if my legendary acting ability didn't rise from the grave with me? I'd better test it with a dramatic Is he all right? pause! We're going to Hollywood! _ But the twist is, in this show, the singers judge the judges.
It's got attitude.
Greetings, Execubots.
It is I, Calculon.
But you're dead.
Can we get you a water or something? No, just my old leading role, for I have freed myself from death's icy grip.
If you'll just give me the keys to my trailer Hold it, Calculon.
As president of this network, I believe that's my decision.
Thank you, Charles, that will be all.
Calculon, I'm afraid you won't be returning to All My Circuits.
- What? - Huh? - Called it.
Your hammy old-fashioned overacting doesn't fly anymore.
Old-fashioned? Hammy? God's wounds! Our network is targeting a hip new demographic, people who don't like you.
But have you forgotten my mastery of the dramatic Executive Alpha? pause?! Man, those executives are crazy.
Calculon's the greatest actor ever! Thank you, Bender.
I appreciate your honesty.
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