There are ghosts in here,
which is why you went weird?
Just one there and one there.
Yes,
we're here, we're here.
Here we are.
Yep.
OK.
Pat, are you not well?
Hmm? Oh, no, I'm fine.
It's just that tomorrow's
my death day
so, you know,
I always get a bit emotional
How are babies made?
Alison, my Alison.
You are like a
.
.
like a
Yeah.
Sorry, I appreciate it's
such short notice and that,
but we've just got so much rubbish
to clear up.
I mean, loads of it.
Seriously.
Builders are awful, aren't they?
I had a terrible time when I was
extending the Bramptons back in '86.
It's a modest Oxfordshire pile.
11 bedrooms, tennis courts,
wet room,
blah-blah-blah-blah.
Sounds frightfully expensive.
Oh, no, I didn't pay for it, no.
I ran it through MPs' expenses.
The great British taxpayer
covered it.
Wonderful idiots! Now, where was I?
Oh, yes, builders.
Well, I mean,
they're all thieves, aren't they?
Tinkers to a man.
All the noise, the football chat,
the potty banter.
Ooh! Wait a minute, that's it!
What's what?
All we have to do is watch
these builders closely
until they commit some sort of
misdemeanour, report it to Alison
And she'll send them away with
a flea in their ear.
Yes! Let's get organised.
I have flea in ear.
But you're dead.
So is flea.
I also have worms.
Ugh.
Ah! There's two in here.
A proper pair of oiks.
This'll be like shooting fish
in a barrel,
which I did for real once.
Party Conference, Bournemouth.
Great fun.
I might sneak off a bit earlier
today, Wixy.
This is going to be easy.
Shouldn't
be a problem.
Where are you off to?
I need to get back
to that community project thing.
Oh, yeah, the kids' playground
at the hospital.
Well, I mean, there's being nice,
that's one thing,
but that's just weird nice.
All right.
There's plenty more where
they came from.
Come along.
Ohh! Pat!
You all right?
Tomorrow's my death day.
Oh! Happy death day.
Hmm.
I'm really sorry, Pat.
I've actually never asked you,
how did you die, exactly?
Sorry, no.
I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
I just wanted to lighten the mood,
and it hasn't worked.
Sorry.
That must be really hard for you.
Yeah, it is, yeah.
But on the plus side,
I get to see my family, so
Oh! What? What?
Yeah.
Every year,
they come to pay their respects.
They'll be here tomorrow,
over there.
Oh Yeah, it used to be a tree,
but it blew down in
the great storm of 1987.
I mean, people say it was a storm,
but it was a hurricane, Alison.
Well, that'll be nice,
to see your family.
And I thought, wouldn't it be great
to pass on a message to them?
Oh, no, Pat.
I don't think
that's such a great idea.
Oh, it is.
Mm I could let Carol
know that I was OK.
The whole family come! Daley,
he's my son, and his girlfriend,
they'll be there,
and and Carol's husband Morris.
She remarried?
It's fine.
I'm very happy for them.
Morris was actually my best mate,
so it was really lovely when
he married Carol.
He was always such a support to her,
even before I died.
Hmm.
He was always round.
He had his own set of keys.
I remember, one Sunday,
I came back from camp
and I found all his clothes
in the hallway.
Everything, his socks, his knickers,
they were all strewn up the stairs.
Oh, no.
Mm.
Yeah.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Carol!
Anyone dead in here?
Ow!
SHE TUTS, WATER RUNS
Don't worry, it's only a matter of
time.
Builders are born to hustle.
It's in their DNA.
Oh, hang on
a minute.
Ah, there we are!
That's perfect.
Here he comes!
Our work here is done.
Oi, Mike! Yeah? What?
You dropped your wallet, mate.
You've got to be joking.
Damnation! Tough nuts
to crack, this lot.
Reminds me of Monty
in the desert in '42.
Oh, yeah? Totally hemmed in.
Interesting.
But he persisted.
Oh, this is happening now.
Where are you off to?
I'm going to the pub.
Mike, it's barely midday.
Yeah, well, sometimes, you know,
a guy just wants to
You're doing a Glastonbury,
aren't you?
OK.
So, I admit I have some issues.
Mike, you left the festival
to go for a poo.
Not just the campsite,
the entire festival.
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