Just a few?
We spent all our loans
on drainage and the roof.
But we've been doing
the renovations ourselves,
so that's free.
- Apart from materials.
- Apart from materials.
Well, you must be exhausted,
you poor little dumplings.
So we thought when we get the first
couple of rooms finished, someone
then we'll open it like that
while we do the rest.
I see.
How many staff?
Two.
Oh, like a B&B.
At first.
Aww.
Well, it sounds like you really
are doing your best.
Of course, Harrington Hotels
has the finance to use
a vast team of contractors,
get the renovations done within the year.
Within the year?
And of course, as you know,
there's the start-up costs,
the staff, the services, the marketing,
the big opening event, blah, blah, blah.
We can afford the short-term loss
for the long term gain.
- Of course.
- Yeah.
And we'd be willing to make
you a generous offer.
Now, this ought to be a large sum.
This house is worth at least £1,000.
Heavens above!
- Oh, the big boys are in town!
- Shillings!
Is that the sort of amount
you were thinking of?
Yes, please.
It does look like a lot
when it's written down.
Subject to survey, of course.
Shall we take
a look around the rest of the house?
Yeah, please, yeah, follow us.
- My God!
- Does this mean they're leaving?
Yep.
Taking the money and running.
And worse, you heard the lady, this place
will be a hotel before you can say
- Hotel.
- Hotel.
Oh, no, I said it!
Common room.
Now!
If everyone can make it, and wants to.
Excuse me!
Yeah
No.
I don't suppose you could move me
away from his large hole?
Who's that lady with Michael and Alison?
- Didn't the others tell you?
- No.
We are having a little break
from each other, actually.
Oh, yeah? Got sick of you being a
bit of a prat, did they?
No.
Absolutely not!
It was the other way around, if anything.
Now, come on.
Who is she?
Well, apparently, she's buying the house.
So are you going to move me away from the
You're not there any more, are you?
Yeah, he's gone.
Guys, guys!
Listen up!
We need to think of a plan!
Oh, he sounds like the captain!
No, Captain would be more like,
"Fall in!
Take charge!"
Right, pipe down, everyone!
Quite enough of me being
a smelly old walrus!
I'm going to boss everybody about
and never think of anything myself!
OK, guys, OK.
Let's get to it.
If that's all right with everyone?
We just need to give them clear,
calm reasons not to sell.
She's a witch, and I should know!
Well, it's a big decision
and you need time to think about it.
So, any questions, just give me a tinkle.
I mean, I think, yes.
- No!
- Yes! Done.
Great! So, I'll set the wheels in
motion, get surveyors booked in,
and we'll take it from there.
OK?
Sorry, I'm going to have to get this.
- Speak soon.
- Don't forget your gooseberries.
Oh.
Thank you.
It's in the bag.
They haven't got a
clue what they're doing.
They practically ripped my arm off.
Yeah, yeah, we can get this for a steal.
Enough, enough, enough, OK?!
We tried, we really did, but we
can't afford to do this any more.
- You need money?
- Mm-hm.
Right.
Powwow, upstairs, now-wow.
I will find you means
if it's the last thing I do.
OK, they're gone.
- So they want us to stay now?
- Yeah.
No, I know, I don't understand them either.
But they're not going
to be our problem soon.
We can find an un-haunted house to live in.
- Let's not get ahead of ourselves there.
- Yeah, no, we should wait until it's official
before we start looking at houses.
Sorry I'm late.
- Oh, I remember you guys.
- Yeah.
- Wow, your budget's changed.
- Well, my great auntie died.
- I'm really sorry to hear that.
- No, it's fine.
I never met her.
Right.
I mean, the front terrace
really sells this place.
So impressive.
It was renovated by an architect who
lived here first, I believe, in the '60s.
Let's take a look inside, shall we?
No.
- Sorry?
- No.
I'm just not really feeling this one.
- Sure you don't want to see inside?
- No.
She's very instinctive.
Goes with her gut.
I know, put the house on wheels,
or a cart, move it to pastures new.
Then the hair lady can build
the hotel in its place,
and ours the house forever will be.
OK.
Well, it's not OK, is it?
You can't put a house on wheels.
No, it all comes down to money, right?
So if they can find their own investors
Me no want hotel.
With respect, Robin, hear me out.
It doesn't have to be a hotel
if there are investors.
It's very clever, you see.
You tell them they've invested
in offshore high-yields, all right?
And then the profits they receive
are just funds from other investors
- and so on and so forth.
- Sounds a bit like fraud, mate.
Yes, sure, Pat.
But sometimes you have to
bend the rules in order to make them
make you some money, so
- We sell cakes!
- We can't make cakes.
- Buns, then!
- That's not the issue, Kitty.
I have it!
I shall ghost-write a novel,
in Alison's name!
A modern bestseller,
the most erotic fiction of the year.
- Oh, no.
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