Hi, Charlie.
It's your big sister Teddy with my video diary.
So today, I want to talk to you about best friends.
You bragging about me again? Huh.
Yeah, this is Ivy.
She's my BFF.
I'm also her hero, the wind beneath her wings, the hip in her hop, the peanut to her butter.
- I am - The mouth that wouldn't shut.
Let's see how we're looking.
Perfect! - I'd date us.
- I'd marry us.
- So what's the big news? - You are not gonna believe what I did for you.
I saw the cutest guy working at the mall food court And pause for dramatic effect Tomorrow I'm going to talk to him.
How is this something you're doing for me? Maybe he has a friend.
The cute ones always have a friend.
I mean, I have you, right? Hi, girls.
What you doing? Nothin'.
- How's it going, Ivy? - Real good.
Ignore her.
She'll go away.
You girls are always on those phones.
- Who are you texting now? - Nobody.
- Clueless! - I wish I could do that.
Hey, then you and I could text each other.
Wouldn't that be fun? Oh my gosh, mom, I'd love that! - I don't think I can text from this phone.
- Oh, well! Sure you can, miss d.
What's your number? Not ignoring.
What is that noise? I just sent you a text.
Just hit that button to read it.
Well, look at that.
Oh, that's funny, Ivy.
Then your response is "L.
O.
L.
" "Laugh out loud.
" No no, mom.
You don't do it, you type it.
Or if you want to get a little saucy, You can wink.
Not there.
There.
Just a semicolon and parentheses.
Oh, that does look like a wink.
I can't believe I'm finally a texter.
Let's see if it works from the kitchen! - "W.
H.
Y.
D.
"? - What have you done? Yeah, this is way more fun since you've learned how to clap.
Don't ignore me! When I tell you to do something, I expect you to do it! Get off my back, woman! You want me off your back? I can arrange that.
Charlie, those are our neighbors, the Dabneys.
They've been married a long time.
Hey, P.
J.
, I just kicked the football Into the Dabneys' backyard.
Will you go get it? No way! They're going at it again.
- Well, what about the football? - Who cares? It's gone.
Kiss it goodbye.
Well, I'm glad to hear you say that Because it was your football.
Ha! I warned you! That's what you get for being a bad husband! And now you're dead! Is somebody out here? Who's out here? - Where's the football? - Forget the football! Mrs.
Dabney just murdered Mr.
Dabney! What?! I heard her talking to his corpse.
It was chilling.
Just so I'm clear, You didn't get the football? - I'm serious, Gabe.
- Come on! Mrs.
Dabney may be a mean, vicious, cruel, Horrible, nasty old witch, But she'd never do something like that.
- You don't believe me? - No.
Fine.
Fine, I'll prove it.
Come here, Gabe.
Hello? Is Mr.
Dabney home? He can't come to the phone.
Interesting.
Who is this? Uh I'm some sort of salesman.
Gabe, is that you? Why would you assume my name is Gabe? Because I have caller ID.
Oh! Then yeah, it's Gabe.
Hey! Whoo! She's cool under pressure, I'll give her that.
- P.
J.
, she's not a murderer.
- I heard what I heard, Gabe.
Why don't you believe me? Because you're you and you get things wrong.
What are you saying, that I'm dumb? Well, no.
You're just not very - Thinky.
- Thinky? Gabe, why would you say something like that? 'Cause mom said I can't call you dumb.
It is so pathetic.
My mom's in the kitchen texting away.
Gosh, I'd hate to be on the other end of that conversation.
Who are you texting? - Your mom.
- I am so sorry.
Look, I promise I'll get her out of your hair.
No, it's okay.
Your mom's cool.
My mom is what? And she's really funny.
My mom is what? Wait, that's her again.
What are you talking about with my mom? - Nothing.
- Nothing?! That's what say to her! Hold on, I have to "L.
O.
L.
" Her.
Okay, well "L.
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