Uh-oh! Dad's here.
Donuts! Run for your lives! Up top.
It's not funny anymore.
Dad's lost a bunch of weight.
Thanks a lot, dad.
You got skinny and killed all my best material.
Actually, I've lost so much weight, I gotta start buying my clothes in a regular store now.
No more "Benny's Huge and Bald"? "Lenny's Big and Tall".
But I love Lenny's.
It's the only store with steel-reinforced dressing rooms.
The only store where the freight entrance is also the main entrance.
Okay, wait wait.
Okay, I got one.
It's the only store where the large sizes are big and the small ones Aren't.
Yeah, I guess I don't got one.
All right.
I'm off to the Mall.
Wow.
Shopping without shame.
This is gonna be different.
Hey, dad.
Just don't get a hairpiece.
I mean, you gotta leave me something.
Where the big people are so fat - P.
J.
, we're done.
- Okay.
Today's all burnt toast running late and dad jokes.
"Has anybody seen my left shoe?" I close my eyes, take a bite grab a ride, laugh out loud.
There it is up on the roof.
I've been there, I survived.
So just take my advice.
Hang in there, baby things are crazy.
But I know your future's bright.
Hang in there, baby, there's no maybe.
Everything turns out all right.
Sure life is up and down.
But trust me, it comes back around.
You're gonna love who you turn out to be.
Hang in there, baby.
Great news! Remember that play I wrote? - "The dancing Princess"? - Yeah.
My theater group is doing the production and Ivy's directing.
And I'm starring? - No.
- Oh.
Then what's the great news? Well, you're not in this one, mom, but guess who is.
Charlie! I'm gonna be a Princess.
Good for you.
Hope show business doesn't break your heart as it did mine.
Hey, Charlie.
Why is that bear still on the floor? I asked you to pick that up an hour ago.
Hey, Princess.
I'm not gonna ask you again.
Pick up the bear now.
No.
She's been like this all day.
Mom.
If I may Charlie, sweetie.
Could you pick up that bear for your big sister, please? Okay.
If you need her to do anything else, just let me know.
She's three years old.
You got lucky.
No no.
It's not luck.
Charlie and I have a special sister bond.
I guess you could call me "The Charlie Whisperer".
"The Charlie Whisperer".
Okay.
Well, if you're so good, why don't you get her to come out of your room? I did that one with my mind.
What you working on? Oh, it's for English.
I have to write a report about an old person.
"My neighbor Bert By Gabe Duncan".
"Bert Doogan Husband, Father Astronaut"? Whoa! I didn't know grumpy old Bert was an Astronaut.
Neither does grumpy old Bert.
I made the whole thing up.
It was either that or actually talking to the old dude.
"Whenever I mow Bert's lawn, he tells me stories about his adventures in space".
"There was this one time where his rocket sprung a leak and he fixed it, with toothpaste and moon rocks".
Come on, dude! No one's gonna believe that.
- What, the moon rocks? - No, that you mowed somebody's lawn.
Oh! Oh, there's my favorite playwright.
There's my favorite Director! - Ah! - Hey! This is so exciting.
I didn't even know you wanted to direct.
Are you kidding? I talk loud, I like to boss people around I'm a natural.
Now let's talk casting.
Yes! Okay.
Well, uh, at least we know who's gonna play the young Princess - Charlie.
- Whoa.
Let's not get ahead of ourselves.
Charlie's got to audition like everybody else.
Okay, I get it.
You want me to bring Charlie in for an "Audition".
Yes, I "Do".
Ivy, look.
It's just one line and I wrote it for Charlie.
And if she can say it, she gets the part.
Hello.
Mrs.
Duncan, please stop calling me.
You cannot be in the play.
Hey, guys.
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