No.
It's not just the holidays.
Okay.
So, I want Christmas to be perfect.
Is that so wrong? Joe, we got another holiday stress case.
Is there a problem? Yes, there's a problem.
It's Christmas Eve and everything is falling apart! I hear what you're saying.
Now, let's go to Candy Cane Village, have some nog and talk about our feelings.
Okay.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah, I think that might be best.
Hey, George.
What? You sold a dog with no kraut.
I can see it in your face.
I didn't mean to.
It was for my ex-girlfriend.
No exceptions! Everybody gets kraut! Except for Mr.
Billy Joel! Piano Man gets it any way he wants.
I'm sorry, when I saw her, I realized I hadn't really gotten over her.
And did you tell her this? No.
I choked.
I just let her walk out of my life again.
Well, PJ, I think you should find her and tell her how you feel.
She sounds like a very special girl.
How am I going to do that? We're in the middle of the biggest city in the world.
There's got to be, like, in the Oh, there she is.
Hi, PJ.
Look, I'm really glad you came back, 'cause I got to tell you something.
The minute I saw you, I knew I was still crazy about you.
That's why I came back, too.
I just finished talking to the kebab guy around the corner Oh, Ezra? He's my cousin, and very wise in the ways of love.
He helped me realize that I'm still crazy about you, too.
Really? Really.
Now that I have you back in my life, I'm never gonna let you go.
Actually, I have to go.
My family and I are driving to Maine for Christmas.
So this is it? I'm afraid so.
I mean, you'll be in Denver, and I'll be off to college.
Where are you going? Denver University.
Will you write me? Oh, every day.
I think I can help.
You're going to school in Denver? Yeah.
And you live in Denver.
BOTH: (GASPING) Oh! Yes, I'll hold.
"More tea?" "More tea?" I will trade you one piece of lasagna for a ride on a private jet.
That's right, I can make that happen.
"More tea.
" See? Now it sounds like I'm saying "Morty.
" Yes.
Hi.
Um, I was supposed to take the tour today at 2:00.
(PLAYING STEEL DRUM) But, um, I'm I'm stuck in the subway.
So (SIGHS) Hold on.
Excuse me, I'm sorry, but I'm trying to make an important phone call here.
Yeah, and I'm practicing my audition.
So keep it down.
Seriously, could you knock it off? "More" Yeah, see! Now you made me forget my line! Oh, come on! Give me a break! I'm not gonna ask you again! If you hit that Everyone, stop it! Okay, I know we're all stressed out, but are you forgetting it's Christmas Eve? Christmas is not about auditions and college tours.
It's about peace on Earth, good will towards men.
I guess what I'm trying to say is Hand over that lasagna! Zuri's right.
I'm not handing over anything! What are we getting so upset about? It's Christmas.
If I don't make it to NYU, maybe it wasn't meant to be.
Yeah.
And maybe me getting that part wasn't meant to be.
You say that every time.
They don't need to know that! As long as we're stuck here, might as well make the best of it.
Yeah, maybe what this car needs is a little Christmas spirit.
Mr.
Steel Drum Man, if you would.
(PLAYING) We wish you a Merry Christmas We wish you a Merry Christmas We wish you a Merry Christmas And a Happy New Year We wish you a Merry Christmas We wish you a Merry Christmas We wish you a Merry Christmas And a Happy New Year Charlie! Charlie, you won't believe it.
A special visitor just came down the chimney.
Hello-ho-ho, Charlie.
Santa, what are you doing here? Well, I get so many requests from kids that sometimes I forget what they asked for.
I'm not Ho, ho, ho! Oh, Santa, stick to the script.
Why don't you come over here and sit on Santa's lap.
No.
Ho, ho! Why not? Because you're Daddy.
No! No, ho, ho, ho.
I'm Santa.
Then why are you wearing Daddy's shoes? Okay, sweetie.
You can go now.
Great! Now what? Honey, relax.
(SIGHS) Have some nog.
It's Christmas Eve.
She gets to open a present tonight, and we don't know what she wants! Honey, take it easy.
It's not worth getting all upset about.
Who are you? Joe, the Elf, he taught me a lot today.
Did you know that you can't spell "self" without "elf"? What does that mean? I don't know, but it really calmed me down.
Hey, PJ.
Hey, how was NYU? Never made it.
Long story, I'll tell you later.
So, how was your day? Well, I ate a bunch of hot dogs and I got back together with Skyler.
Well, after the first four, I had to take a nap, then Skyler.
Oh, right.
If you're going to Denver, you're not going to Denver.
There's a big blizzard over the Rockies.
The airport is closed.
Teddy, what are we gonna do? Wait a minute.
Uh, I met this girl on the subway and she gave me her number.
Hello.
Hi, um, I'm Teddy, who is this? The butler? We are so staying there.
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