You think Charlie's the problem.
Oh no no no no no.
Deedee's the problem.
Yeah.
That's what I wanted to talk to you about.
Well, it seems convenient you came up with that right after I said it.
I didn't just come up with it.
I was just talking to my husband the other day about how we were gonna have this talk.
Bob, honey, could you come down here! - He's at work.
- Oh.
Again, convenient.
- You're not the boss of me! - Hm? Charlie had to get that from someone as in Deedee.
Deedee got it from Charlie.
And where Charlie got it from, well, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
- Did you just call me a tree? - Oh, you betcha.
Well, if I'm an apple tree, you are A lemon tree! Yes, you are a lemon tree.
You are nice on the outside and sour on the inside.
(Laughs) That would be the fruit, not the tree.
I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
Yes yes, the Duncan house is now (Mimics accent) A Dooley-free zone.
Well, now you sound more like a crab apple.
Ooh, well, you sound like a Like a Whoa, these fruit-tree insults are hard to come by.
So I was doing my homework at lunch, and the equation was two pi r-squared.
Then I dropped my apple pie, and it became two apple pie r-squared.
Teddy, what's wrong? You always laugh at my math jokes.
I guess I'm a little out of it.
Somebody at school is out to get me.
Wow.
That's the motto of the Chess Club.
The motto of the Chess Club is someone at school is out to get me? It sounds better in Latin.
So someone left a note on my windshield that said watch your back.
Then I got a bunch of dead flowers, and then today someone put this in my bag! Who would do something like this? I don't know.
I have no idea.
How would I know? Well, gotta go.
Wait a minute.
You know something.
I know almost everything but nothing about this.
Victor, you are a terrible liar.
Now I want you to look me in the eyes and tell me you don't know anything about this.
- I don't know anything about this.
- That's my chin.
- I don't know anything about this.
- That's my forehead.
I don't know Victor, look me in the eye! It's right above my nose! Don't yell at me! When people yell at me, I tend to Someday he's gonna come over here and not faint.
(Sighs) But today is not that day.
Victor, come on, who's out to get me? It's my girlfriend Victoria.
Victoria? Why? She thinks you're in love with me.
What? Why would she think that? Because I told her you were in love with me.
Excuse me?! The other night Victoria and I were having a fun night, doing what young couples do Quizzing each other on state birds When I sensed her interest in me waning.
I had to do something to re-kindle her passion.
So to make her jealous, I told her you were in love with me.
- Oh, Victor! - Well hey, it worked.
She's fighting for her territory! And I'm her territory.
I've never been someone's territory! Victor, you're going to have to tell her the truth.
The truth has no part in our relationship! Okay fine, I'll figure something out.
On one condition You do our entire science project by yourself.
Deal.
Boy, that was easy.
(Chuckles) Oh, Teddy, it was gonna happen that way anyway.
- (Door closes) - Bob: Hey.
Hello.
I thought I'd take the kids to the park.
- Oh great, that sounds like fun.
- Can Deedee come? No.
Why not? Because Deedee's mommy said some very mean things about your mommy.
(Clears throat) Did Charlie's mommy fire back with some choice words of her own? Charlie's mommy defended herself.
Charlie's daddy said the whole idea of talking to Deedee's mommy was a bad idea to begin with.
Is Charlie's daddy saying I told you so? Are you kidding? Does Charlie's mommy know how long Charlie's daddy's been married to her? P.
J.
, we have a problem.
Nothing you and your legal guardian can't handle.
Have a seat, little buddy, let's hash this out.
You're not really my guardian.
It is just pretend! Gabe, you've been my brother for a long time now.
You should know I take pretend very seriously.
My counselor wants to come over and talk to you about my grades.
Great.
I've been working on my Swedish accent.
What? I've been thinking about this legal guardian And I see him as someone who spent some time in Sweden.
P.
J.
, it's Mr.
Rose.
He knows you! He was your counselor too.
Okay, how about this, what if I moved to Sweden right after high school, picked up the accent, and now I can't shake it? No.
No Swedish accent.
Then why did I learn how to make Schwarzwalder Kirschtorte? Victoria, we need to talk.
Okay.
You win.
It's over.
- Is that what you wanted to hear? - What are you talking about? Victor, the finest specimen of manhood to ever walk the halls of South High.
And sadly, in this battle, you're the victor, Victoria.
I was never worried.
I mean, sure, you're pretty, have good hair and a nice smile, but beneath all that, there's an under-performing brain.
Under-performing? (Sighs) Synonyms would include lackluster, sub par, inferior Nod when you understand.
The point is you're going to stop threatening me, right? Threatening you? Yeah, the notes, the dead flowers in my locker? I never did any of that.
I don't have to.
I have Victor wrapped around my finger like a double peptide wrapped around a protein.
(Laughs) If you were smart you'd be laughing too.
Then who's been leaving me the notes? I think I know.
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